Guilt about studying.

  1. I have been a SAHM for 11 years now. I homeschool (until this fall) and have pretty much spent all of my time dedicated to my children. I started studying this week, in preparation for classes this July. I'm really feeling guilty about the time I spent this week not focussed on my husband and children. The house didn't get much attention, either. My husband came into the room every few minutes and asked how I was doing. My children kept asking me how I was doing. It was irritating, but I felt guilty for taking that time from them, and also for feeling irritated by them. My husband is very supportive of my returning to classes. I have wanted to do this for years now. I just think he and the children are acting a little lost. I feel so guilty and selfish. I have 2 years of this. I am only going part time so that I can be there for them more, but I still feel so selfish. Oy! Anyone out there relate? What are you doing about it?
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   cincymom
    Hi - Although I understand your feelings, you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. To help eliminate your feelings of irritation, however, I would suggest scheduling some study time at the library, etc. For some people, scheduled study time away from home is a good approach, and in your case, it might also give your husband and children an opportunity they may not have had much of in the past - the opportunity to develop some independence "on the homefront." Since you've been a SAHM for 11 years (?), it would seem that your children would be able to help out with the household chores more since you won't be available as much. This can actually be a good thing for kids! More responsibility does equal more self esteem for most kids.

    You should be very proud of yourself - and grateful - that you spent so many years as a SAHM - but there really are advantages to other situations also.

    (Hope this doesn't sound "preachy." This is my first post, and your post really stood out for me.)
  4. by   krissypoo
    Lisa- it sounds to me you have allready spent a number of years nurturing and developing your family. I think it is wonderful that you have such a strong bond between your children, your husband and yourself. Homeschool? Couln't even imagine the time and energy involved in that process. I have a 7 month old daughter and i took 9 cr. last semister- taking another 9 this summer and 6 in the fall. After this fall i will be left with only 2 science courses. (A&P2 and Micro) So you see, cram it in there if you can- everyone is different, but i have found the more i pound away at these pre-reqs the better i feel- i am not the type to drag it out. I imagine if i had spent a # of years at home w/ my children i would be feeling what you feel..........so my situation is different, and maybe you don't relate. Maybe you don't know it but i think that women like you are rare and it seems only natural that you persure a career in nursing. I hope that you and your husband can communicate clearly and figure out a way to divide the housework. Thats a biggie for me- i feel so guilty when i see dishes in the sink- or the kitchen floor has visible dirt from the dog- alls i can say is that the house work will always be there....as will an unlimited amount of things you "should" do. (I was raised in a home w/ a clean freak mom- and its been passed down to me)
    I think its wonderful you are going back to school, just breath, take it a day at a time and continue to use this site for the support if you need to vent or are not recieving the support you need at home. It'll take time, but eventually everyone will adjust!
    Good luck to you lisa! :wink2:
  5. by   shel_wny
    My husband completely LOVES to pop in the door every 15 mins when I'm studying. He also loves to taunt me with dinner out or a romantic evening when I have a big exam the next day. Ugh! Men! So evil!
    Seems to me like you owe yourself some quality time. Don't feel guilty for studying! Revel in your time alone.
    It might also help to hang a sign on the door saying "Mom is studying, please don't knock unless it's important " for a few hours while Dad is at home.

    Shel
  6. by   studentnurse74
    I agree with studying away from home. Or ask your hubby to take the kids out for the afternoon, take the kids to a relative or daycare for a few hours. I have learned to study with my son home, though. I'll sit in the bathroom while he's in the tub and read, or wait until he goes to bed, etc. Just keep in mind that you are doing this not just for you, but also for your family so it will benefit them as well.
  7. by   lisamc1RN
    Thank you all for the encouraging words, advice, and support. I plan to utilize much of the advice given! *thumbs up* Good luck to all of you, too!
  8. by   EMTtoRN
    I have to study AWAY from home!!!! There are just TOO many things to keep me from studying. I usually study at work which is very nice!!!! I also go to the library when Hubby is watching her.
  9. by   Star Trek Nerd
    Quote from lisamc1
    I have been a SAHM for 11 years now. I homeschool (until this fall) and have pretty much spent all of my time dedicated to my children. I started studying this week, in preparation for classes this July. I'm really feeling guilty about the time I spent this week not focussed on my husband and children. The house didn't get much attention, either. My husband came into the room every few minutes and asked how I was doing. My children kept asking me how I was doing. It was irritating, but I felt guilty for taking that time from them, and also for feeling irritated by them. My husband is very supportive of my returning to classes. I have wanted to do this for years now. I just think he and the children are acting a little lost. I feel so guilty and selfish. I have 2 years of this. I am only going part time so that I can be there for them more, but I still feel so selfish. Oy! Anyone out there relate? What are you doing about it?
    .

    My advice is, set aside specific hours where they are told not to interrupt you.

    Or study somewhere else entirely.

    Do not feel guilty. You have to study in peace and you can always make it all up to them after school is finished!!
  10. by   fourblessings
    ohhhh...yes....i can relate. With 4 kiddos and a hubby, they had to get used to the idea of "this is mommy's studying time in her den and don't bother her" time. Yet when I take tests online (I took alot of my pre reqs online), they still came up to me asking for things. I just had to say "SHOOOOOOOO....go ask dad!"...LOL....but yes, i can relate to the guilt you feel, but I keep thinking about the end of the rainbow and when schooling is done, it will be allllll worth it. Hang in there!!
  11. by   spooky64
    Wow!! We have so much in common. I'm from Ohio too and am starting LPN school this year(September). I homeschool my daughter as well. I only have one child and no husband, so you have it way harder than me, but I was amazed at the similarities. I am also 33. I've been taking classes full time at a local university for the last 3 years...actually a couple of semesters have been part-time. I started out going for nursing and then realized how naive I was in thinking I could find an ADN program that has evening classes in Cincinnati. I switched majors for about a year and a half and just realized nursing is where my heart is, and so I'm pursuing a part-time evening LPN course and will hopefully be able to find a bridge program that fits my needs.
    I can completely relate to the guilt you feel. Homeschooling, housework, and studying, plus working weekends definitely takes a toll. I wish I had advice for you as I've struggled down the same path and will continue to do so. I feel stretched really thin at times, and I feel like I need to be doing more for my daughter. My house is mostly a disaster, but I do the best I can and know that someday it will all be worth it. I'm so very fortunate to have a mother who helps out so much. I don't know where I'd be now if it weren't for her. I don't think I'd be able to pursue nursing school at all. You sound like a wonderful mother and wife. School is a big adjustment for your entire family, but you guys sound like a very strong, stable family. I think it may just take a little time for everyone to adjust to the change. I wish you the best of luck on your journey through nursing school. Like I said, I wish I could offer some advice, but I don't feel like I juggle very well. It seems as if I'm always spending too much time on one thing and not enough on others. If I'm doing housework, I feel guilty about not studying. If I'm studying, I feel guilty about not homeschooling or doing housework. Its definitely a catch-22. Please just know that you're not alone, and you will get through! Hang in there!!

    Chris
  12. by   Energizer Bunny
    I can relate with three little ones underfoot right now. My best advice to you is to indulge yourself! If this is what you want, then go for it and do whatever you need to do to achieve it. I think you may need to sit down with your dh and express to him how you are feeling and work out some study time together. He really is going to have to be in for the long haul and you are going to have to learn to assert yourself and your needs with your family. I am sure right now is just an adjustment time for them. This is why I am starting my studying now...to get the kids used to it.

    Good luck!
  13. by   lisamc1RN
    It is so nice to have a support system who is going through what I am, or who has BTDT. I really appreciate it! Thank you to everyone! And Spooky, it does sound like we have a lot in common! I look forward to getting to know you as we pursue our LPN this year!

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