Is it common to seem so isolated in nursing school? I'm wrapping up my first semester in a BSN program and had a huge breakdown this afternoon after a session in the sim lab with some of my classmates. It's not the content that scares me, it's the fact that I don't have any friends in the program. While I was working on my prereqs, I had a awesome group of like-minded friends and since we were working on all the same classes we ended up really close. It meant a lot to me because I'm a very shy and introverted person -- I love people, but I really value the time I have when I'm by myself. Well, I was the only one of my group that was accepted.
This past fall has one of the most isolating and emotionally difficult times I've ever experienced. Full disclosure: I'm not a talkative person when I'm not busy doing something. I'm a very kind and positive person, but I think my quiet exterior is making people think that I'm a snob! At my job (I've been waitress and now I'm a receptionist) I'll talk up a storm and be all
, which is the exact opposite of my personality, because I am so busy I don't think about how scared I am of talking to the people around me! Put me in class at school or social setting where I'm not fully engaged? I get so intimidated at the thought of having to speak up that I'm about as talkative and social as a pet rock.
I'm sure that most of my classmates are very, very nice, but it seems that everybody was admitted with at least one other friend in the program. It makes me feel like I'm the odd one out because I don't want to break into their little social groups. It's almost to the point where I dread having to go into class because even though I'm sitting with
people, I'm not a part of it. I'm starting to wish that I was a person who learned well in group study so I'd have an excuse to join one and at least be part of something.
In the sim lab today there were 4 of us going through some sims, and 3 of the 4 were really good friends. They spent the time talking to each other and never even bothered to ask my name (we've been in the same skills lab for the whole semester... I know theirs.) or let alone include me, and I let myself feel intimidated and didn't say very much at all. I'm not an emotional person, but the second I walked out of the building I was in tears. I cried the whole time while my dad was driving me home, then when I got home I called a non-nursing friend and burst into tears again. I guess I still wasn't cried out after that, because my mom came home (she's a nurse) I cried on her shoulder.
I almost started crying again while I was typing this, lol.
I know this was really long, but now that the semester is coming to a close I'm scared that next semester will be even worse. I don't have any support system at school and now I'm entertaining the idea of intentionally failing a class so I'll be held back from advancing. I know several people that were just admitted for the upcoming spring semester so at least I'll have friends.