Failing, and it'sall my fault

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This is kind of an extension of the "Another One BitesThe Dust" thread. I did not want to monopolize that discussion with my own problems. I am about to fail Fundamentalsof Nursing because I am unable to pass the validations. I don't know what the problem is, but obviously it's my fault. I've gone for help, worked in the practice lab for hours, etc. but when my clinical instructor is watching me there are some validations (Open gloving !!!!) I just can't get right.

I have been given the opportunity to be revalidated and have accepted it. What is wrong with me? My grades are excellent, and all my instructors say I am "putting my heart and soul" into the program. It's not for lack of effort. During my medsemester evaluation my Clinical Instructor told me that "maybe it's time for you to do something else."

I am not blaming anybody. I am trying to figure out how to make the best of a bad situation. I feel horrible - as if I'm sitting on death row waiting for my execution date. I don't want to quit. I want to give it my best effort until the very last day.

Advice? Suggestions?

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Specializes in Med Surg - Renal.
I don't want to quit. I want to give it my best effort until the very last day.

Advice? Suggestions?

I think giving it your very best effort is all you can do. No matter the outcome, you will know you tried your best.

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Thanks, MN-Nurse. This is my opinion as well. I get the idea that my clinical instructor wants me to quit. The lecturer for the course (who knows me well from other courses I have taken with her) is trying to give me every chance to succeed.

If I fail,I fail. But I'd rather go out that way than quit.

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Hugs to you Ayala, I used to think checkoffs would do me in. The anxiety I had was insane. We are allowed 3 attempts. Fail the final attempt & you are done. Funny enough, it was being pushed to the brink of a final attempt that made things better for me. I knew it was the anxiety that was getting to me. I knew the skill forwards & backwards but getting worked up would cause me to make a silly mistake.

Do you have open lab? Are there instructors willing to work with you during open lab? If so take full advantage. Doing it over & over in front of an instructior before the actual checkoff helped me. If you don't have that option, grab a classmate that was successful & have them watch.

Most importantly, just breathe! I realized that being at ease was my key. The weekend before my final attempt, I decided not to practice. I wanted to get myself in a relaxed state so that weekend, I went to the movies to see Bad Teacher, (funny movie by the way), took long baths, went for walks, hung out with friends.

I was still nervous the day of my final attempt, but I kept reminding myself to calm down & used deep breathing if I felt my heart racing. I nailed it & my anxiety level was less for the checkoffs after that one. I know its hard to do, but try to tune out the instructor. Talk yourself through it for every step. Do it as if you are explaining things step by step to the patient. I know its hard to interact with the mannequins, but let the mannequin be your focus, this is your patient & just think of them as a live patient & the things you would do to take care of that patient & maintain their safety.

Good luck!

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Maybe the problem is just anxiety.S ometimes the personalities just clash. It sounds like you flinch every time you have to deal with this instructor, and that she doesn't like you. (And that's okay because in the workplace, you'll meet some you like and some you don't The key is to work together.) Can you re-validate with a different instructor? Can you go to your medical department or student health center and get something like a small Xanax prescription to get you through?

There was a really nice woman in clinical group who had OCD. The nursing III instructor made her so nervous that she voluntarily quit. The same student had been doing fine in nursing I and II.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Emergency Medicine, Flight.

i know how u feel, my fiirst semester i had a health assessment proficiency. we had to do a focused exam on respiratory (tactile fremitus, diaphragmatic excursion etc etc) needless to say i failed miserably despite my preperation for it.

i literally cried for a week bc i was convinced that i would have to drop out of school or something bc of not passing. i was so sad and discouraged. and its not like i was or am a slacker. i do everything 110%.

anyways, i studied really hard for my retake and it was only me, my partner and the instructor and i did really well and passed. now im going on to my last semester.

:)

you can do it , you'll be fine !! :)

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Thank you for your input! Yes, the problem is performance anxiety.

Yes, I go toopen lab every chance I get. I have let myself become overwrought by an escalating conflict between me and my clinical instructor. Yes, it's on me to learn to deal with it. Yes, I know that nursing is stressfull and that part of our training is learning to dealwith stress and personality conflict.

This is my own hole - I dug it, I own it.

Your support and comments are very helpful! It's good to know that I am not the only person who has had this sort of problem.

And yes, I am therapy for depression and taking meds. I'm going to start an anti-anxiety med next week.

I've done the groundwork. Now I just have to find my "calm place."

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If I fail,I fail. But I'd rather go out that way than quit.

I know some people thought I was playing Russian Roulette but I would have rather went down in a blaze of hard-core trying than heaving the sigh of a quitter.

If you quit, you can be 100% sure nothing will happen.

I truly hope you can dig down deep and pull out the strength you need to conquer your anxiety.

Go go go!!!

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Ayala,

You are strong for taking ownership and working hard to change things. :heartbeat

Performance anxiety turns your head into a magic slate and... poof!... all your studying and hard work is suddenly gone.

I really do second other people's suggestions to find a different instructor for your skills check offs, if possible. Every student has to take responsibility (of course) but I also firmly believe that the culture and atmosphere teachers cultivate can make the difference between success and failure.

One thing that has helped me through tough times consistently is writing. You can write down everything that makes you scared and mad without repercussions. Describe the worst case scenario that makes you cry. Cuss out your teachers if you want to. Chew out people who have discouraged you. Put all that on paper. It is not only cathartic but you will also have solid evidence of any irrational and self-defeating ideas you have. After reading what you wrote, you may realize that you have blown a lot of things out of proportion or have become your own worst enemy with self-defeating ideas. Then you can act to change.

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The only advice I can give you is to keep at it until the bitter end, or until victory. That is all that anyone can expect of you.

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Specializes in Med Surg - Renal.
Thanks, MN-Nurse. This is my opinion as well. I get the idea that my clinical instructor wants me to quit. The lecturer for the course (who knows me well from other courses I have taken with her) is trying to give me every chance to succeed.

If I fail,I fail. But I'd rather go out that way than quit.

There was a girl in my program who really struggled in our first year of an ADN program. She struggled in lab and clinical and had a lot of anxiety. The instructors were wondering if they should cut her from the program because they, "were afraid of what she was going to do next."

The student in question kept trying her best and graduated with us.

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Ayala,

I sent you a private message. Please let me know if you did not get it. PMs are hit and miss with me.

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