Duped nursing student

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I'm a fool. Seriously, I'm a dupe. I believe everybody. I believe everybody but me. I know I suffer from low self-esteem. And, my low self-esteem stems from my knowledge gap. I didn't take my first year in nursing school seriously. I didn't take my pre-requisites seriously. All of that knowledge crisis made me feel very much inadequate to live through life of nursing school. Since I earned straight A's for my pre-requisites, I always appear smart to my friends but I know that I only crammed from exams. And, I have no idea of what nursing is. I went to volunteer for over 300hrs but I had no idea what nursing is.

Then, I went to nursing school which was a pretty easy private institution to get in. But, the nursing school is pretty good itself. My first semester at nursing school got blown up as my clinical instructor insisted on having my patients sleep and rest. So, I had no hands-on experience. I had no idea of how to give patients a bed bath. I had no idea of how to patients a glucose stick. I feel stupid and inadequate. Whenever I tried to study, my roommates who are probably smarter than me in practical hands-on experience always talked me out of studying. I shared a room with a nursing student classmate and she would always talk down on me whenever I was out with her and any other students: "This girl doesn't know anything." And, since I was stupid letting the whole world know about me: "I'm a virgin and I have never had a boyfriend my whole life. And, I don't want to have a rich husband and live leaning on him. I just want to be rich myself and have a husband who has good characteristics. And, I don't like having babies. My mom cooks for me. I like studying." I know I'm letting the whole world know this again but this time anonymously. But this is really what I am and what I think. So, my roommates went around and let everybody know. So, I have people looked at strangely and asked me whether I want to have babies or not and why not. I'm sick of explaining why and why.

I was very much like a martyr: I know I was a victim but I always put people's needs over my needs: I would do everything people asked me to. Then, I had no time to help myself or to study. I would do everything people want me to do. Then, I had no time to do the things I want. Plus, I have friends back-stabbing, no, stab me right in my heart right at my front. But, I'm so weak even though I sworn that I would never talk to her but when she sweet-talked with me again, I talked with her. I broke my own promise. And, so, I feel even more duped and stupid. So, whenever I try to concentrate on studying, I always think of my social mistakes and I feel even weaker and more stupid.

What's more? I always undermineD nursing. It's not until I'm in my last year now at nursing school that I realize that nursing is very hard and complicated and it got undermined unnecessarily. Nurses don't just go around and give meds and do procedures. Nurses have to think, too! I don't know what doctors know and what they think but I do know that nursing is very hard.

Since my first year was wasted on satisfying others' needs but not mine, I had a huge knowledge deficit. I feel very inadequate. So, I spent my whole summer working as a nursing technician on a med-surg floor. So, I got a lot of nursing skills done. And, I thought that it was it for nursing. And, that is enough about nursing: getting technical skills.

Now, I'm in my last year. I realize that I have to use critical thinking skill, too. I'm not a robot running around to give meds. The so many skills of learning to give meds have already been very overwhelming to me. And, now I have to face the truth that I have to make up for my mistakes of not learning the many different ways of giving meds but also when to give and when to stop giving meds incorporating several factors. I just realize that I'm so stupid.

What's more? Even my family always undermines nursing. They don't even understand that apart from bed pans which nursing assistants do more than nurses do, nurses have to use critical thinking a lot in their work also. I don't know what a doctor knows but I know that a nurse knows so much. Yes, we've learned to diagnose but we don't practice diagnosing.

What's more? even my close friends undermine nursing.

What's more? even my nursing friends undermine nursing.

I think I let people occupy my thoughts too much.

I just want to let go of everything here to free my mind :(

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It sounds like to me you need to find some friends who appreciate you, as far as school goes, it sounds like you have made up from the first semester. Finish school and I am sure you will do fine, don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes learinging lessons we take the long hard route, but in the end it is worth it. Take care

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Thank you so much. You made me cry!!! It is my very first time ever to realize that I need friends who appreciate my nursing and me. Thank you!

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Hang in there. If you get interrupted then go and study in the Library, park or anywhere that is not close to the people that distract you. If YOU really want this then Buckle down on your study time and put your social life on hold-or atleast manage your time better so that you can get 1 night off a week. I've only been in the program for 5 weeks and have either told my friends to count me out until Decemeber or have not been in contact with some others, that do not respect my decisions and the importance of school.

Remember critical thinking involves experience AND Knowledge. So work on the knowlege areas that you are lacking in and the experience will come during clinicals and in time.

Keep you chin up and FINISH school. You can party it up once you graduate:)

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It sounds like there's a lot going on here. Maybe you should see a counselor, that could let you talk a lot of it out. A lot of colleges have free counseling services available to students.

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It doesn't sound like your roommates or family are offering you the support you need right now. There are resources and support out there; you sometimes have to be persistant to find it. School mental health services, community outreach programs and religious organizations may offer various kinds of support. Check out support groups - maybe something focused on assertiveness or codependency. You may be able to find some community classes on similar personal growth topics. Best wishes!!

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I would certainly agree that you need to find a good supportive circle of people around you would be a great idea. But also, in the mean time, finding a professional to talk to might be a good idea too. Or maybe a support group, maybe there is a reason why you had always put others needs before the needs of yourself. There's nothing wrong (IMHO) with being that sort of open honest person that you were/are. You just need to be careful who you let in, you know what I mean?

Keep your head up, a good step was venting out here on this board what you've been feeling/thinking. Nursing school is tough, unfortunately you still deal with petty grade school BS from the students, you'll probably never get away from that. You only need to learn how to deal with it properly. You sound like you're close to graduating, congrats for getting this far!!! Keep your chin man!

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You seem to be on the 'young-ish' end of the spectrum (referring to roomates & parents) and none of us had perfect judgement when we were young. Don't be so hard on yourself. Trusting others is not a failing - the fault is theirs for letting you down.

Your confidence will grow, along with your self-reliance.

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When you get older you wont care what anybody else thinks. That's the only joy of aging.

This post was meant mostly for whimsy.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Postpartum.

Awe, I just noticed your user name "nursingishard". Wipe your tears, and get serious at this point. The NCLEX is what you need more than anything to start practicing as a nurse. Buckle down, build up a wall against negativity, and start thinking positive about yourself. This is your career and nobody should ruin that chance but you. Find a personal mentor.

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