divorce while in nursing school

Students General Students

Published

hello everyone.

I have been with my significant other for 10 years. I found out that he is talking to someone via social media.

I just started nursing school and cannot stop thinking about what he is doing (no trust) and it is distracting me from my studies.

Anyone have advice? I have no kids and I really need his help with finances

VerticalHorizon

106 Posts

I would suggest talking to him or going to marriage counseling before you try to divorce him based only on online communication with another person.

caliotter3

38,333 Posts

Allow your problems to interfere with school and you may not last in school. Not stated as a put down, but as a fact. Nursing school admins/instructors are notorious for not accepting "personal problems" or "jobs" as excuses for poor performance or requests for special accommodations. Your spouse will respond favorably to you talking about the problem or he won't. If he doesn't, you may need to reevaluate, but quickly. Don't talk about this with your instructors. Don't give them ammo to use against you. If you must, seek counseling at the student center, but talk school with your instructors, not your problems. Advice based on my own experience as well as some of my classmates and others I have met along the way.

This is not the first time this has happened. He puts the girls name under a guys name. This is the third time! When is enough!!!!!?

caliotter3

38,333 Posts

If he put the girl's name under a guy's name, then he has something to hide. Third time? You know what they say about three strikes.

busybeeSN

47 Posts

Talk to a lawyer, you may be able to keep the home and get alimony, especially because he has cheated. See if you can get proof and get him out of the house so you can focus on yourself and school. If you can't do these things separate emotionally from him and focus on school till you can leave. You'll want your degree once you're divorced.

LaloM

24 Posts

Im sorry if this sounds rude, but leave home issues at home, same as you would leave work/school at work. Don't let what you have going on in your personal life interfere with what you have going on at school. Because you are in school to better yourself and your career. If things go sour, then leave him behind because all your doing is going UP.

Good Luck.

I'm sorry for the stress you're experiencing. If you haven't had a frank and open conversation with your S.O. about his behavior, I think you should. I'd also recommend marriage counseling; a professional can really help facilitate the communication. Talking with someone online can mean many different things. Perhaps he's lonely in ways he doesn't feel comfortable sharing with you. Perhaps he's an ******* and you'd do best getting away from him as fast as you can. You won't know which until you talk to him.

Meeshie

304 Posts

It's enough when you decide it's enough. At the end of the day you are the only one that can make that decision. You can decide to walk out now. You can decide to work on your marriage through counseling or other paths. You can decide to use him for finances until you graduate and then walk out. Or you can decide to ignore it all and just go on with life like this. Whatever you choose.. it's your choice.

However, if you cannot focus on school then you should consider temporarily withdrawing if your school will allow that. Tanking your grades or failing is not going to help your long term situation, regardless of what you decide that situation is going to be.

Ruby Vee, BSN

17 Articles; 14,030 Posts

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
This is not the first time this has happened. He puts the girls name under a guys name. This is the third time! When is enough!!!!!?

I think your header said it. You're thinking about divorce. If he's put the girl's name under a guy's name, he's actively trying to hide what he's doing. He knows he's doing something wrong. If this is the third time he's done it, you already know that he isn't putting your wishes first and he's going to keep on doing what he wants. I would advise going to counseling so that they can help you figure out what YOU want. Go by yourself, figure out whether or not you want to continue in this relationship. If it turns out that you still want to work on your marriage, then ask him to go to marriage counseling. If he refuses, then you pretty much have an answer there, don't you?

Whatever you do, don't bring up divorce to your husband unless and until you're sure that's what YOU want.

If you want a divorce, get one, nursing school or no. You may have to forgo his financial support, but at least you won't be spending all your time wondering what he's up to and whether or not you should divorce him.

Or there's another approach. Get your ducks all in a row: start saving some money on your own, begin to disentangle your finances, consider what you'd want to take with you if you left him, identify a place to go. Make sure you have copies of your important papers in a safe place, never let yourself be parked in, be ready to pick up a bag and go. In the mean time, do your best to make your marriage work knowing that if he continues to behave in this way, you'll leave him when you finish nursing school. Put your energy into your plan rather than into wondering what he's up to. I can't say I'd have the patience for an approach like this, but it's what the marriage counselor recommended to me when I was in graduate school and wondering whether to leave my abusive ex-husband.

Good luck. Let us know how things work out for you.

canigraduate

2,107 Posts

If you have trust issues in your marriage, that doesn't have anything to do with nursing school. I would recommend counseling.

Cat365

570 Posts

I think your header said it. You're thinking about divorce. If he's put the girl's name under a guy's name, he's actively trying to hide what he's doing. He knows he's doing something wrong. If this is the third time he's done it, you already know that he isn't putting your wishes first and he's going to keep on doing what he wants. I would advise going to counseling so that they can help you figure out what YOU want. Go by yourself, figure out whether or not you want to continue in this relationship. If it turns out that you still want to work on your marriage, then ask him to go to marriage counseling. If he refuses, then you pretty much have an answer there, don't you?

Whatever you do, don't bring up divorce to your husband unless and until you're sure that's what YOU want.

If you want a divorce, get one, nursing school or no. You may have to forgo his financial support, but at least you won't be spending all your time wondering what he's up to and whether or not you should divorce him.

Or there's another approach. Get your ducks all in a row: start saving some money on your own, begin to disentangle your finances, consider what you'd want to take with you if you left him, identify a place to go. Make sure you have copies of your important papers in a safe place, never let yourself be parked in, be ready to pick up a bag and go. In the mean time, do your best to make your marriage work knowing that if he continues to behave in this way, you'll leave him when you finish nursing school. Put your energy into your plan rather than into wondering what he's up to. I can't say I'd have the patience for an approach like this, but it's what the marriage counselor recommended to me when I was in graduate school and wondering whether to leave my abusive ex-husband.

Good luck. Let us know how things work out for you.

Sounds like good advice, but I definitely wouldn't have the patience. I'm more the confront/leave/kick out variety. It would eat at me. Of course if I left my first stop would be the bank. Then I would cancel all joint credit cards.

I I had a boyfriend swing around on me during a verbal fight. Didn't hit me, don't think he wanted to, I think it was just a wild gesture. I stepped into him, raised my head, met his eyes, and informed him "if you hit me you d*** well better kill me because otherwise you had better never fall asleep again" I was a bit upset at the time. Oddly enough we broke up shortly thereafter. :bored: Can't imagine why.

+ Add a Comment