dealing with unsupportive family

genhen · Nov 23, 2005

I have a unique perspective. I'm a male, first semester nursing student RN. My wife graduated from the nursing program in Spring of '04. We have two daughters, 6 and 2. My wife started the nursing program on a Monday, she found out she was pregnant on Saturday. This was a huge change. Back then, I was working full time, working my butt off. We were SIC (single income w/children). Our long range plan was too put her through school and then I would go.

She had talked about easing up and slowing down. At the time, I was not happy. We are both working hard. I didn't want any delay in our plans. Our plan was that we would both be RN's. Financially, we were scraping by and we still are. I was consumed by that she was doing her dream. I want my dream also. To delay this was not good in my mind. It may seem selfish but I am also working hard supporting the family. Taking care of the kids and supplying an income. That part is not selfish. When is it my turn? Can you kinda of see where I was coming from?

Now.......I'm in the program. It is way hard. My wife is the bread winner. She is supporting me. I totally see how freaking hard it is from this side. I have failed two tests and I have never failed a test in my life. Stress.....I feels very strange not being the provider. It seems like I'm programmed to be the main provider. Maybe that's just a societal influence that I have from my growing up. I am totally dependant on her. It has strengthen us a lot. It is hard right now but we will get through this.

Me and my wife have a plan. Does your husband have a plan? I mean, you "get" to go to school. What does he "get" to do? I'm not trying to be mean or anything. I'm just trying to get you to maybe take a step back. Try to understand where he is coming from.

It really takes solid commitment from family to get through school and keep your relationship intact.

I'm getting ready to pass my first semester. I believe that I will finish. Me and my wife talk about my clinical experience and her work. I'm finally at a level where I can "talk" with her about nursing (shop talk). It is way cool. As a guy and a husband, I have learn to let my wife talk about stuff. A lot of it is feelings and emotions. Guys generally don't get that. But, feelings and emotions will not kill me. See vents and cries and is better. I have done it a few times myself (don't tell anyone, lol). Two things for me that helps is listening to her and changing diapers.

Anyway, I pray that your situation gets better.

All nurses, live long and prosper.

Genhen

Hope2BaRN · Dec 5, 2005

Can you really attend nursing school part-time? (Im in california) I thought they require a certain schedule? I'm probably wrong since I have only looked in to two schools but does anyone know ? Thanks for the info.

Silicone · Dec 5, 2005

Can you really attend nursing school part-time? (Im in california) I thought they require a certain schedule? I'm probably wrong since I have only looked in to two schools but does anyone know ? Thanks for the info.

Some nursing schools offer a part-time program.

Some nursing schools only offer a full-time program.

It depends on each particular nursing school.

You'd be better off calling the nursing schools you're interested in and asking them instead of this board. Especially since some schools that offered part-time programs in the past do not offer them currently.

DarciaMoonz, LPN · Dec 5, 2005

Yeah I have to agree with the others. Nursing school is challenging both physically and mentally, but I don't think that those who are not a part of the progrm realize the demands of the program and how much of yourself you have to give. I also have dealt with an unsupportive spouse and unfortunately for me, it took 4 yrs of trying, panic attacks, and this year finally ending my 11 yr relationship to be able to concentrate on what I need to do to make it through. I support you whole heartedly for realizing early when to say "when". keep pushing forward and continue to be aware of your limitations to make it through, because I will tell you from experience, failing out and starting over is a pain in the rear. Good luck!!

HeavensNurse · Sep 23, 2007

I decided to go to nursing school part-time from my 2nd semester on, because I felt the 1st semester has drained me out with all the work load. I took 17 credit hrs as per the school's calendar and I wanted to scale down for my next semester because its way too hard on me to take up such an heavy load again. This change will put me back by a semester or 2 to graduate-this has made my husband mad to his wits end. Being in nursing school has helped me understand my limitations and I have to go with what works best for me. He's totally unsupportive with this plan of mine and I don't know how I can convince him otherwise. Pls help.

Maria, I was there - Working full time, taking care of a sick father, a mother who didn't drive, an unsupportive spouse (now EX and for good reasons!), a new born baby and EXHAUSTION! It has been 15 years, I made it through, and you will too. Please consider counseling if you and your spouse are willing, or else, I am sorry to say, you may never be completely happy with this relationship. This is my opinion and it is worth what you paid for it, but you may have to re-examine if you are married to the right person. By nature, we nurses (caretakers by any other name) find people who don't support us, or at least don't come close to giving to us what they take from us. That in itself can be DRAINING. Good luck with school and your future as a nurse. God Bless! :uhoh3:

DaFreak71 · Sep 23, 2007

I can relate to you on one level, but fortunately for me, not on the other.

My husband went through nursing school and now I am in nursing school. I am in the same program at the same school he went to, so he understands how demanding it is. He is my rock and supports me 100%. I realize how lucky I am.

What I can relate to you on is the need to attend to your own mental health, despite setting back your graduation date. This past February I had to withdraw completely from nursing school. I have always been a straight A student and I was in Nursing 4. I experienced a complete break down and was subsequently diagnosed with bipolar I disorder. Due to how our program is structured, this put my graduation date back by one full year. I was suppose to be graduating this December, and now I won't graduate until next December. This has been hard for me. I've had to attend therapy, go through various medication trials until I finally found one that works, etc. It was hard for me to accept that I would not only be graduating a year later, but I would be in a class of strangers.

My point here is this: You have to keep your eye on the prize (graduating, passing the NCLEX, getting a job, etc). You must do whatever it takes to realize that goal, even if it means that it will come slower than initially anticipated. You are VERY WISE to realize your needs and adjust your plans accordingly.

Instant gratification is for children, not adults. I hope for your sake and the sake of your marriage that he will adopt a more mature outlook on this situation and see that slowing down a bit will ensure your graduation, whereas keeping going at full steam might make failing a possibility.

Good for you for knowing yourself well enough to make good decisions for yourself, despite what your husband wants.

My husband and I have a saying that we use a lot. It came from a song called "Down Together" by the Refreshments. The line we use is this: "What's good for you is good for me and what's bad for you is bad for me".

rnmomtobe2010 · Sep 23, 2007

I will be praying for you!!