day care and nursing school

  1. I am writing this as I sit in a Starbucks waiting for my first day of school to start. My 2 year old twins are in the day care on my campus. They only go 2 days a week but its all day. And the first few times were great (they started at the beginning of Jan to get used to it) but it has slowly gotten worse and worse.

    They physically make themselves throw up all over when I drop them off. And it totally torments me to know that they are making themselves this upset. And I can not afford to be distracted during school and I will not be able to go to school without the kids in day care. My question is this...

    Does it get better? Is there anything I can do to get them eased in to the idea of having fun at day care? I am sure they calm down pretty quickly after I leave but seeing them get themselves that upset makes me want to break down every time I leave. Any moms who have put their kids in day care have any thoughts?
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  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   mom2dj
    I am in a similar situation. I started my son a couple of weeks ago in daycare, and I start school this week. The first week he was there, he was fine......now as soon as we pull into the driveway, he starts hysterically crying-I have to pry him out of his carseat. But, apparently 5-10 minutes after I leave, he is fine. And he is fine and happy when I pick him up. My mother assures me it is normal, and that it will get easier. She also swears that it is harder on me than on him, because he is distracted all day, playing with the other kids, and I am the one worrying all day!

    BTW, my son will be 2 in April...PM me if you need to talk!
    Angela
  4. by   mommapunkin
    Both of my sons are going to daycare for the first time, they started in August. I had a time getting my oldest son to get used to listening to the teachers. We made up a system. Everyday he does well in school he get's a star. After he gets 7 stars he get's to pick out a special, small toy. Or he can choose to get a happy meal from McDonalds or Burger King. Everyday I go get him he asks if he has earned his star. The kids get used to it after a while. Shoot, you will too! Change is never easy, try the star system, it works! Best of luck to you!
  5. by   elisabeth
    I used to teach preschool and we always had a couple kids who would give their parents a hard time when they got dropped off in the morning, but they were always fine within a few minutes after their parents left.

    I'm doing daycare at home while I wait to get admitted to a nursing program, but none of the kids I have cared for have ever had a hard time. I only have 4 children total at one time, so if you talk to your kids' teachers and they say your children are having a hard time during the day as well, you may want to look into a smaller environment.
  6. by   Testa Rosa, RN
    Am a Mom of three and a vetran of most separation anxiety issues at every age. I want you to know that it always gets better. You, the mother will always see the worst of it. It is your job to put a reassuring smile on your face and leave with an air of confidence and trust. My 3 year old is attending the college day care and it is just a wonderful experience for both of us. We had our tears, but he hardly says bye to me now. It's our home away from home.

    I promise you it will get better if the care is good and the kids within the day care are decent. Furthermore, twins have a built in social group to rely on which should make things go better in the future.

    Know, however, that there are rare situations that could indicate a need to change care. Also know that extreme extended separation anxiety can have roots in medical conditions. My son had an undiagnosed absence seizure disorder (petite mals--where you blank out for seconds at a time). I imagine that before he was properly diagnosed and given antiseizure medication, his life must have been a sort of crazy hell. He experienced so much stress when a primary care taker he trusted left his field of vision that he sometimes caused himself to vomit. I had a sense something was wrong, and was told not to worry. If you have that sense, check things out further. Chances are you know everything is OK with them medically.

    Also, there can be a social situation that can be causing undue stress. From the ages of 2.5 - 3.5 years old, My daughter was in a wonderful day care with another girl her age--a sweet faced girl who had some extreme pshyco-social issues that were being treated by her wonderful adoptive mother. However, this other girl preseverated on my daughter and would follow her around and just make her misreable. While it was a lovely day care situation--just what I had wanted, walking distance from my home, kindness and creative oppourtunities abounded, a playground with a nature garden, gentle pets, wonderful toys to stimulate development, enough academics to prepare her for school, totally child centered providers that lived to be preschool teachers, organic foods that the kids helped prepare themselves, etc--the stress on my 3 year-old daughter was too much and I had to find another situation.

    At the time I thought that this other child needed this place more than mine, so I left quietly not saying what the issue was (I sorta regret this as in hindsight the other child obviously needed a more developmental situation that the school district could've provided). Now that this child is 9, she has been diagnosed with untreatable bi-polar disorder and Asbergers and OCD/NCD. She was never able to attend regular school for long and has been known to fixate on others and become violent. Of course, this is an unusual situation, but wanted you to be aware of it becuase when children are little it is easy misdiagnose issues or to down play mental illnesses within a child care situation that could causing undue stress.

    Anyway, enjoy your moment at Starbucks--you deserve it. TWINS! Nursing School! Wow! ...Need I say more.

    Stay calm. If you've done your research and you know your girls are healthy and the day care is a good one and the kids are decent (kids will be kids too--you will get the occasional incident and that is normal), I promise you it will get better...if not, make sure you are aware of any unsusual circumstances that could preclude it getting better.

    And, remember to leave with confidence, with a strong smile on your face. You are teaching them to want to learn and grow by example, and no matter how young they are they will get this on some level, and this is a valuable lesson. Smile reassuringly as you leave to pursue your (and their) better future. You want them to channel your trust that they are in a safe/good place. You want your smile to be the last thing they see as you say goodbye.

    You are obviously a good and concerned Mom, and will make a good nurse.

    Good luck,
    Bertolozzi
  7. by   kukukajoo
    As a mother of twins and a former daycare teacher I think I help you ease the transition of dropping your kids off. I became the center "expert" of sorts as I could calm the most dramatic child and in a few days have painless drop offs.

    First- it is VERY NORMAL and the kids do calm down quickly. You are not doing anything wrong even though they can tug at your heart and make it seem so. Almost all kids go through this at some point and many also can revert back to this with the smallest of changes in life, even a holiday!!

    Talk to the teachers and see if they can let your kids watch you leave while saying bye and see you in a while. This really helps for some reason and will begin to ease the tension. The teacher should be reinforcing that mommy is going to school and will be back later. The kids are usually calm by the time mommy is out of sight. They should be saying something like "Bye mommy, we will see you soon. Have a good day mommy, we will see you later today after school" etc.

    Keep the drop off routine the same every day if you can. Get into a routine- taking coat off, then hugs and kisses, and handing off to teacher while saying bye. Kids thrive with routines and know what to expect.

    Don't prolong the sepeartion. Mo matter how bad you feel, don't turn back and say bye again. Waving and blowing kisses and reassuring can be done as you are leaving. I know it is very hard, but it just prolongs the situation and can get the kids more hysterical. They learn the behavior brings you back.

    The teachers should be reassuring and redirecting your children as soon as you are out of sight. It may be necessary to give them a few moments but each day it will get better.

    Also, make a big deal of being happy almost like a game when you leave. The teacher should also. Kids respond to this too. If they sense the mood should be happy, eventually they too will follow the routine of saying goodbye happily and really look forward to that last little hug and view of you leaving and blowing kisses.

    I feel like I am missing something but that should be a great start.

    Oh I don't envy you- it can be so heartwrenching! My kids are almost 20 now and I actually miss those days now!
    Last edit by kukukajoo on Jan 25, '07
  8. by   Jilaweez
    I agree with the comments above...I have had children go through seperation anxiety as well...it always starts after the first couple weeks...I think because they realize it is a permanent situation. The quicker you say your goodbyes the better. When my daughter had a hard time getting on the school bus she started panicking and crying every morning. I made a little picture with a road and bus stops..at the end was school. I made a little school bus we could move on the paper. Every time she would have a good day..without tears we would move the bus to the next stop, on bad days we left it where it was. At each stop was a small "treat" and when she got her bus all the way to school we had a special day out together...it worked well for us. My three year old recently started pre-school two days a week and she also had seperation anxiety around the second week. I just made goodbyes very quick and after I left she would join the class. After a few days of tears she was fine. It does get better!
  9. by   Mama2girls
    I also have two daughters. (Ages 3 & almost 2) I took my pre-req's last Summer when they were 2 and 1 and it was hard on my one year old for the first couple of weeks or more. I had to quit school for a year due to health and money issues (daycare ate up all my money!) so i'm nervous about putting them back in. I honestly hate daycare and am happy they have got to be home with me for this long, but at the same time I need to get my career going and I know they will be ok. My 3 yr old actually loves school and interacting with other kids. It's my baby that I worry about the most. She's just so attached to her mommy. Anyway, I think that around 2 they get more used to the idea and aren't as sad. I'm sure it will get easier for your babies once they get used to the schedule.

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