Cleaning house and cooking and spouses

  1. My house is the biggest mess it has ever been. I do what I can, but its not much beyond keeping the dishes and laundry under control, and sometimes that doesn't happen. The cooking is always done by me. On my busy nights it tends to be leftovers or something quick and crappy like frozen pizza or mac and cheese. I'm not married, but have been living with my bf (soon to be fi, according to him) for 2 years and he is fairly understanding, but does get annoyed from time to time with the crappy meals and messy house. He works a 1.5 hr drive away and works from 10 am to 8 pm, so its not like he is really here to help much. He does clean up some on the weekends, but most of the time both of us are so worn out we don't get alot done, its more important to us both to be able to relax when we can. I also have 3 kids from my previous marriage. Is anyone else experiencing this? How do you deal with it? I've basically told him tough crap because I'm beyond busy, and am doing the best I can do. He has learned to deal with it for the most part, I think.
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  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   Achoo!
    All I can say is when my house gets really bad, my husband can't stand it anymore and cleans. He whines the whole time, but he understands I don't have time for it. It's give and take. Recruit your kids! I make mine wipe down the bathroom, vaccuum , carry up laundry, wash counters and tables. It may not be perfect, and they may use half a bottle of lysol, but it's disinfected! LOL
  4. by   shellsgogreen
    [font=book antiqua]i promise myself each semester that at its end i will have my house tip top squeaky clean, but by the time that happens, i'm usually so exhausted and trying to catch up with people/things that have been neglected....
    [font=book antiqua]one thing with cooking i try to do, and that's prepare ahead when i have a day off and then freeze stuff....
  5. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Hmm. Well, he is just as capable of cleaning as you are, so if he is too busy, then you can be too.
    Anyway, I'll give you some ideas on how to cook better meals, but he has to agree to clean, ok?

    Crockpots. I have put in a jar of spaghetti sauce and that fresh pasta that you buy in the fridge case and it was done in 45 min. on high and you don't have to watch it. Add a prewashed bagged salad kit and enjoy.

    Get a crockpot cooking book and start having your bf buy the ingredients for the week on his way home from work on an appointed day. THen you can throw ingredients in bags and put them in the pot in the morning before leaving. You can come home to hot chili and soup.

    There are already cooked meats that microwave in 6 minutes by Hormel, I think. Then bird's eye has frozen vegetables in bags that you throw in the microwave and come out hot and crunchy.

    Last, but not least, don't overlook Rachel Ray. If you get her cook book or DVD's you can have the ingredients prepped and you really can cook in 30 minutes.

    As far as the cleaning, do a 15 minutes pick up everyday and no more.
    If bf wants it more spic and span, hand him a dust rag.
  6. by   sissyboo
    Definitely put your kids to work picking up after themselves! When I was small and mom was in school--each person washed their own plates/silver/glasses... That cut back on the time it took mom to clean up the rest of the kitchen. It may help to leave little notes around the house as reminders to your kids and b/f. Even though your b/f is working crummy hors he can still help out with household stuff!

    I am facing the same troubles--without kids! Crock pots are amazing and so are rotisserie ovens! And don't stress too much about cleaning the house. If you don't get it done today--it will STILL be there for you tomorrow, so don't think you'll miss your chance!

    I do laundry while studying--it gives you a little break every now and again to get up and move around AND do something productive, just be careful not to get distracted into doing something else!
    Last edit by sissyboo on Jan 28, '07
  7. by   Dreamer-RN
    Quote from CRNASOMEDAY25
    If bf wants it more spic and span, hand him a dust rag.
    :yeahthat: I agree with the above. He is an adult and can participate in cleaning, cooking, or any other chore around the house (both should share the household burdens). Another alternative is, if you can afford it, hire a cleaning company to keep the house clean. For cooking, if he cannot settle on the so-called crappy food, there are many good cookbooks out there which can teach him how to make his own quick meals.

    You should not feel so burden with this kind of stress because he is an adult and capable of taking care of himself. What would he do if you were not in the picture?
  8. by   Daytonite
    Housecleaning? What's that? Spouse? Long gone and good-bye. Cooking? Can we say microwave? :roll
  9. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from tbd75
    :yeahthat: I agree with the above. He is an adult and can participate in cleaning, cooking, or any other chore around the house (both should share the household burdens). Another alternative is, if you can afford it, hire a cleaning company to keep the house clean. For cooking, if he cannot settle on the so-called crappy food, there are many good cookbooks out there which can teach him how to make his own quick meals.

    You should not feel so burden with this kind of stress because he is an adult and capable of taking care of himself. What would he do if you were not in the picture?
    Amen.

    This is not the 1950's and you are not his mother.
    Why do you feel it's all on you to maintain what you may have done if he only worked and you stayed at home with kids? Now you attend school, so why do you have to continue to add to your plate and he only has to work?

    You should sit down with him BEFORE you get married and should decide who will do what.

    I know you didn't ask about any marriage advice, but it will save you a lot of grief if you figure this out now.

    Your busy, he is busy, so you should share the work.
  10. by   beachbum3
    We actually just discussed this today. Here is the solution: He will take care of the floors (which I hate..vacuuming carpets, sweeping, mopping- hate it.) and pick up more around the house. I've started (over this past weekend actually) getting my older kids to unload and load the dishwasher, so that helps with kitchen clean up. I've tried a new laundry system as well-I wash it and dry it, separate the kids' stuff out into hampers and they fold it and put it away themselves. That has helped ALOT. So with all that covered it should get better- that basically leaves me to wash and dry the clothes (which I don't mind) hang mine up, and wipe the counters and put away food from dinner, and clean bathrooms. Everyone will be picking up after themselves.

    As far as meals I'm really more concerned about getting decent meals in because its better for my kids, and I know I feel better if I eat right. I figure I already cook a decent meal a couple nights a week. I can just make enough so there will be left overs. Then on the crappy nights when I'm tired it will just be a matter of heating something up. That plus keeping stuff like mac and cheese and frozen pizzas on hand should take care of it, I think.

    Thanks for all the replies- they have solidified my new home mantra: if you don't like the way I do it then do it yourself!!!
  11. by   UM Review RN
    Speaking of convenience, you also might want to try these things:

    1. In the bathroom, keep a cleaning caddy with gloves and Clorox cleanup wipes for a quick swipe around the toilet seat/bowl when you have a minute. If you have an extra two minutes, spray some Tilex into the sink before you shower and rinse it out when you get out.

    2. I squirt Tilex or Clorox Cleanup spray onto the tub and shower manually when I'm just sitting around doing nothing, if you catch my drift.

    3. Everyone has his own hamper. When that hamper is full, each person is expected to do his/her own laundry, start to finish. Husband and kid too. It's not like they have to beat their clothes on rocks, you know? So simple even a Cave Man can do it, and all that....

    4. Just as anyone can do laundry, anyone can load and unload a dishwasher, and anyone can run a Swiffer around the floor.

    5. Same for Garbage duty.

    6. Keep a big jug of Clorox wipes for refrigerator spills and quickie counter wipe-ups. (Teach the kids to use gloves and have a box of vinyl gloves handy. The vinyl ones are stronger and they can keep them on longer than the latex ones, which become completely gross after about 5 minutes.)

    7. Do meals in large amounts on your day off. Freeze the extra. Some dishes actually improve after they've been frozen. Those new Jenny-0 turkeys you just pop into the oven have been a godsend for my turkey-loving family. I use the chicken broth in the can, Stove Top, and some cranberry sauce, and it looks like I've been cooking all day, plus we have leftovers for sandwiches.

    8. Another tip: while you're cooking one meal, you can prep and cook for another. So you toss that turkey into the oven for tonight. Then you prep your meat loaf for three days from now. Cook it, wrap it, freeze it. Reheat and eat.
  12. by   locolorenzo22
    I live with a RM, and I know he gets annoyed at me sometimes...I try to pick up what I can, but 2 single guys and no female presence = not a lot of cleaning. We try to clean the dishes every other day, and take out trash when we need to, but outside of that, my room got picked up yesterday, and it now looks just the same as it did before.....
    Oh, well. Cook when I can, and make big meals for leftovers. It also helps we cook for each other once a week so we split meal costs from time to time....
  13. by   Lisa CCU RN
    Quote from beachbum3
    We actually just discussed this today. Here is the solution: He will take care of the floors (which I hate..vacuuming carpets, sweeping, mopping- hate it.) and pick up more around the house. I've started (over this past weekend actually) getting my older kids to unload and load the dishwasher, so that helps with kitchen clean up. I've tried a new laundry system as well-I wash it and dry it, separate the kids' stuff out into hampers and they fold it and put it away themselves. That has helped ALOT. So with all that covered it should get better- that basically leaves me to wash and dry the clothes (which I don't mind) hang mine up, and wipe the counters and put away food from dinner, and clean bathrooms. Everyone will be picking up after themselves.

    As far as meals I'm really more concerned about getting decent meals in because its better for my kids, and I know I feel better if I eat right. I figure I already cook a decent meal a couple nights a week. I can just make enough so there will be left overs. Then on the crappy nights when I'm tired it will just be a matter of heating something up. That plus keeping stuff like mac and cheese and frozen pizzas on hand should take care of it, I think.

    Thanks for all the replies- they have solidified my new home mantra: if you don't like the way I do it then do it yourself!!!
    There ya go.
  14. by   lainith
    I have no comments about your DBF not helping around the house because mine is just as bad. He works full time and I work part time and go to school part time, PreN. I do EVERYTHING around the house because I cannot stand the mess it gets to be if I wait around for him to do something. I make cooking, taking care of the pets, and doing laundry my top priorities AFTER school work and studying. Everything else has to wait.

    AS for cooking, here are some of my tips: do as much cooking on your days "off" as you can. I LOVE my crockpot! You can buy those great frozen dinners to put in them now, too. They aren't exactly healthy but are good for something easy. I make my favorite recipes, double or maybe TRIPLE the servings and store everything extra in the freezer in individual servings for later. I do this because I am following Weight Watchers and measure my food portions but it is great for either of us to just grab something and pop it in the micro and go! I make up pasta bakes with whole wheat pasta and low fat cheese, stuffed shells, chicken dishes, lots and lots of soups, etc. I don't make anything that requires a whole lot of time. Also, I buddy up with my mom and we both cook things at the same time and then split everything. We get TWICE the meals and treats and baked goods for the same amount of work. We sync up our grocery lists, too, and cook meals together to freeze. I also buy lots of healthy canned soups, frozen dinners, boxed meals, side dishes, etc that I can add to our meals. Also, while stuff is baking in the oven, I clean up around the house or study flash cards, etc. I keep REALLY busy on my "days off" but I know it will be worth it in the long run.

    Hope that helps!

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