Baby vs no baby... help!

  1. Hi! I will be joining the nursing program in a year which consists of 3 semesters for my RN and then 3 online semesters for my BSN. I will be quitting work to focus solely on my school work. Me and my boyfriend want to have a baby but I'm torn whether to wait or not. If I don't wait, the baby should be a newborn when I start school in August of 2018. We have a decent support systems with both our mothers being retired, and would probably get some assistance for daycare. I'm worried if I wait til after I finish my first 3 in school semesters then the medical bills will be too high for us to have a child at that time. At my job, all pre and postnatal care is covered by my insurance program. I don't know if I should wait and it be more expensive, or start trying to conceive and have a newborn in the nursing program. I need help!
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  2. 28 Comments

  3. by   shibaowner
    Why would your medical bills be higher if you waited to have a baby? If you can wait to have the baby, you should wait at least until you have finished clinicals and have the baby when you are in the online portion or after you have finished school. Women have had babies while going to nursing school, but it is not easy to juggle school with a baby.
  4. by   Extra Pickles
    A newborn baby with a boyfriend and (you hope) grandmothers for childcare is an exceptionally difficult road to begin as a nursing student. The "easiest" babies are time consuming and don't sleep when you want/need them to....and get sick at exactly the most inconvenient times. They are more work than you can imagine now and you will be more exhausted than you can imagine now. And, not to be all weird and judgy, but let's face it, a boyfriend is not a husband and you can't KNOW for a fact that he is going to be this amazing Daddy helping out all he possibly can when the excrement hits the circulating device, and if HE isn't then you can't count on his mother's help either and now you're a single mother of a newborn trying to manage nursing school and part-time help from your mom and maybe a part-time daycare (when the infant is old enough for that). Hard doesn't even begin to cover it. And since you described a 3-semester program that tells me they are concentrated, intense courses without any time to slack, certainly not for a sick or sleepless child (or parent), not for a childcare issue.

    If you can avoid a baby while in school AT ALL, that's the way I'd suggest. Not before, not during, but after. That's my advice, anyway.
  5. by   Pepper The Cat
    No, don't have a baby. Get a cat instead. Cats are awesome.
  6. by   Pixie.RN
    Wait until you can dedicate time to your baby vs. trying to fit a baby into an already hectic schedule. Trust me on this! You will want to be able devote time to your baby. Plus there is not much sleep for the first few months, lol.
  7. by   TPI RN
    I delivered my first baby two months into nursing school. Difficult does not begin to explain it. The exhaustion makes it that much harder to retain any information. Wait, you'll be much more successful and confident as you work through your program.
  8. by   rheath22
    I have two kids (10 & 5) and I am a junior in my BSN program. A baby changes everything. I am going through a divorce also.
    Big, giant life changes like a baby, divorce make nursing school 100x difficult in my opinion.
    I feel like I have to work so much harder than the others. I have seen people have babies and end up dropping out, but I have also seen them graduate. Personally, I would reconsider it.
  9. by   futurebsn92
    I always say career over babies. You will be relying on your parents and assistance for your baby so I would say wait till you can do it independently. Who knows if you will be with this person after nursing school.
  10. by   Abby_3191
    Just to clarify, my medical bills would be higher because right now my employer only charges $30 a month and all pre and post natal care is covered, versus quitting my job and relying on health insurance that would be more expensive. Also, my boyfriend has a daughter who is 8 and he is an excellent father so I have no doubts he wouldn't to our child. We just bought a house together so I would hope he isn't going anywhere. I appreciate everyone's input! I'm thinking on finishing the classes I can take outside of the nursing program. I have 4 left for my bachelor's portion. Then I would only have 3 classes per semester and 2 per semester for my BSN.
  11. by   futurebsn92
    Quote from Abby_3191
    Just to clarify, my medical bills would be higher because right now my employer only charges $30 a month and all pre and post natal care is covered, versus quitting my job and relying on health insurance that would be more expensive. Also, my boyfriend has a daughter who is 8 and he is an excellent father so I have no doubts he wouldn't to our child. We just bought a house together so I would hope he isn't going anywhere. I appreciate everyone's input! I'm thinking on finishing the classes I can take outside of the nursing program. I have 4 left for my bachelor's portion. Then I would only have 3 classes per semester and 2 per semester for my BSN.
    What is your age if you don't mind me asking? If it's an age factor or a medical reason that you need to conceive soon then I understand the rush but if you are still in your 20's or early 30's then you have more than enough time.
  12. by   BSNbeDONE
    I've always told my daughter to plan her life as if she will be the sole provider. If someone enters her life and stays for the duration, this would only add to her accomplishments. If he doesn't, then the only thing she would lose is someone who wasn't worth her time in the first place.

    In this day in age, having children, buying a house, etc., means absolutely NOTHING when a person decides that he or she no longer wants to endure the stress/journey/struggle. Childcare will be the responsibility of the parents, not the grandparents, regardless of what they tell you. I think it would be wise to limit plans that would involve 'optional' people...if you want those plans to succeed. Even then, there are no guarantees.

    I've give you only one of many scenarios: You have a final coming up. You've studied so hard for it. Grandparents are out of town visiting a sick friend or relative (or are feeling under the weather themselves), so they're not available to babysit. "Boyfriend" has to work because he is the only provider in the household and cannot afford to miss the hours...perhaps because he needs the income, or maybe because he's come to the rescue one too many times and his supervisor has given his last warning. Whatever the reason, you have no childcare on the day of your final exam, and to miss the exam would mean an automatic failure. What would you do? You can't take the little darling with you to class. This is something to think about.

    Back in my nursing school days, the only thing that we were allowed to make up was clinical hours, provided we were passing the classes and had a very good reason for being absent. Lack of childcare was not on the list of legitimate reasons.

    These and similar scenarios are worth considering before making such an important decision. Nothing about your household should be dependent upon anyone who lives elsewhere.

    But, the decision is yours alone since you would be the pregnant student. Proceed with caution..
  13. by   futurebsn92
    Quote from BSNbeDONE
    I've always told my daughter to plan her life as if she will be the sole provider. If someone enters her life and stays for the duration, this would only add to her accomplishments. If he doesn't, then the only thing she would lose is someone who wasn't worth her time in the first place.

    In this day in age, having children, buying a house, etc., means absolutely NOTHING when a person decides that he or she no longer wants to endure the stress/journey/struggle. Childcare will be the responsibility of the parents, not the grandparents, regardless of what they tell you. I think it would be wise to limit plans that would involve 'optional' people...if you want those plans to succeed. Even then, there are no guarantees.

    I've give you only one of many scenarios: You have a final coming up. You've studied so hard for it. Grandparents are out of town visiting a sick friend or relative (or are feeling under the weather themselves), so they're not available to babysit. "Boyfriend" has to work because he is the only provider in the household and cannot afford to miss the hours...perhaps because he needs the income, or maybe because he's come to the rescue one too many times and his supervisor has given his last warning. Whatever the reason, you have no childcare on the day of your final exam, and to miss the exam would mean an automatic failure. What would you do? You can't take the little darling with you to class. This is something to think about.

    Back in my nursing school days, the only thing that we were allowed to make up was clinical hours, provided we were passing the classes and had a very good reason for being absent. Lack of childcare was not on the list of legitimate reasons.

    These and similar scenarios are worth considering before making such an important decision. Nothing about your household should be dependent upon anyone who lives elsewhere.

    But, the decision is yours alone since you would be the pregnant student. Proceed with caution..
    Smart momma . I feel like most advice from moms (I've seen a few bad ones so I can't say all) are so full of wisdom and love. Years ago my mom told me to focus on school instead of my boyfriend at the time. Boy do I wish I had listened. Luckily I got my act together before it was too late. One of the reasons why I want to be a nurse is so I can be independent and not have to ask anyone for anything!
  14. by   nivalr
    Why would your bills be higher? Once you graduate and are placed your insurance should be top notch. Either way, school is a full time job and just my A&P course required 15 hours of study per week at least. I can't imagine having my concentration broken by the attention required of a newborn.

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