application essay

  1. Ok, I am filling out my application. The directions say to attach a one page brief essay stating why I would like to enter the RN program, why I believe I am qualified to be a nurse, and what steps I have taken in my personal and professional like to ensure that I will be able to successfully complete the RN program without interruption.
    Obviously, this is very important and I want to get it as perfect as possible. I am posting my first draft here in hopes that you may have some opinions or ideas of how to make it better. Thanks in advance for your help.
    Kimberly

    I first starting becoming interested in medicine while in high school. I volunteered for several organizations that help children with disabilities as a camp counselor. These were the Howard County Association for Disabled Persons and the Kings County Horsemanship Association. I then received my certificate to be a certified nursing assistant. I worked in the hospital in the I.C.U., C.I.C.U., and intermediate care. While I volunteered, I would assist the nurses with patient care such as feeding, intake and output measurements, bathing, and just spend time with some of the patients that didn't have visitors. I would also go to the library on the floor during the slow times and read copies of the New England Medical Journal and medical textbooks. I then joined the Navy where I met my husband. We had a son who was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome when he was 4 years old. I postponed returning to school in order to be available for his school and doctor's appointments. He is now 14 years old and has become quite stable. He is attending a very good school in Hanford called Shelley Baird. The experience of being his mother has taught me many things that I know will be applicable towards being a nurse including a lot of patience and the ability to adapt to constantly changing situations. My husband is in the Navy, but will be home as he is transferring to shore duty for the next three years starting this February. Since going back to school, I have also volunteered at the hospital here on base where I worked in surgery and the lab. While I was in the lab, I obtained my certificate for Phlebotomy. I have been taking the required pre-requisites and am currently taking Microbiology, Psychology, and Music Appreciation. In the Fall 2003 semester, I will take Chemistry and Sociology, which are the last two classes I will need to complete the list of required classes. My husband is a certified C.P.R. instructor so I will probably take the class for the health care CPR license from him. If that doesn't work out, then I will get it at the gym here on base where they also offer the class. I will get the required physical from the hospital here on base. I want to be a nurse so that I can help people. I feel I can do this in a more direct way than other professions in the hospital. I also can be a part of a field that will be challenging as it changes rapidly with new discoveries. I have decided on this path as the result of experience, talking with people I know who are already nurses, and research. I believe that this program would be the best place for me to achieve these goals.
    Last edit by kats on Jan 23, '03
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  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   CountrifiedRN
    This sounds like what they are looking for. I'm sure it will be fine, you have experience as a CNA, a mom, a Navy wife, and you were a volunteer.

    One thing that confused me a bit:

    "I then received my certificate to be a certified nursing assistant. I worked in the hospital in the I.C.U., C.I.C.U., and intermediate care. While I volunteered, I would assist the nurses with patient care such as feeding, intake and output measurements, bathing, and just spend time with some of the patients that didn't have visitors."

    Were these your job responsibilities, or were you also volunteering at the same time? Or were these volunteer duties from your volunteer positions? Maybe just clarify what duties you did where.

    I think it sounds great! I wish you the best of luck, even though I'm sure you won't need it!
  4. by   PennyLane
    Great essay! You should have no problem convincing them you are a great candidate for their program!! I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of changing some things, and adding a few thoughts....of course, you don't have to take any of my advice!!! Here goes:

    I have always had a keen interest in medicine and helping people. In high school I volunteered as a camp counselor for the Howard County Association for Disabled Persons and the Kings County Horsemanship Association, two organizations that help(aid?) children with disabilities. Because I was interested in learning about nursing, I then received my certificate to be a certified nursing assistant. I worked in a hospital in the I.C.U., C.I.C.U., and intermediate care. While I volunteered (**wait, weren't you working as a CNA? Where does volunteering come in?) , I would assist the nurses with patient care such as feeding, intake and output measurements, bathing, and spending time with some of the patients that didn't have visitors. (**Insert positive thought here, such as: I really enjoyed working in these environments, because ______)

    During this time, I would also go to the library on the floor during slow times and read copies of the New England Medical Journal and medical textbooks, (**to learn more about medicine and satisfy my intellectual curiosity? or something along those lines). I then joined the Navy where I met my husband. We had a son who was diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome when he was 4 years old. I postponed returning to school in order to be available for his school and doctor's appointments. (**Did you have positive experiences with nurses at this time?) He is now 14 years old and has become quite stable. He is attending a very good school in Hanford called Shelley Baird. (**Is this relevant?) The experience of being his mother has taught me many things that I know will be applicable towards being a nurse including a lot of patience and the ability to adapt to constantly changing situations. My husband is still in the Navy, but will be home as he is transferring to shore duty for the next three years starting this February. (**Relevance? Or is this to point out that he will be available to take care of your son while you're in school? If so, you might want to clarify that.)

    Since going back to school, I have also been volunteering at the hospital here on base where I work in surgery and the lab (what lab?). My lab experiences led me to obtain my Phlebotomy certificate. I have been taking the required pre-requisites and am currently taking Microbiology, Psychology, and Music Appreciation. In the Fall 2003 semester, I will take Chemistry and Sociology, which are the last two classes I will need to complete the list of required classes. (**Do you need to mention these classes here, or will they be listed elsewhere on your application?) My husband is a certified C.P.R. instructor so I will probably take the class for the health care CPR license from him. If that doesn't work out, then I will get it at the gym here on base where they also offer the class. I will get the required physical from the hospital here on base.

    All of my past roles in the medical field have further enforced my decision to become a nurse. I have a strong desire help people, and I feel that I can do this in a more direct way than other professions in the hospital. (**maybe say: ....and I feel that I can have more of an impact on patients' care as a nurse than through another allied health position?) I am excited to be a part of a field that is challenging and rapidly changing as new discoveries are made. I have decided on this path as the result of experience, talking with current nurses, and extensive research on the role nurses play. Furthermore, I believe that this program would be the best place for me to achieve these goals.


    Please don't be afraid to tell me my suggestions suck. :chuckle
  5. by   CountrifiedRN
    Mel D, your suggestions are great!
  6. by   essarge
    I think that all of the suggestions were great. The only thing that I would add is that ......My current GPA is blah blah blah .... when you mention the classes that you are taking.

    As a side note, if you are doing really well in one of your pre-reqs, possibly a nice letter of recommendation from one of your science instructor's (even if it's not required, sometimes it's just enough to put you over the edge!).
  7. by   llg
    I would change the word "medicine" in the first sentence to either "nursing" or "health care." Some of us get irritated when people don't recognize the distinction between medicine and nursing. They are two different professions and two different acacemic disciplines. You want to convey that you are interested in NURSING, not MEDICINE.

    Also, I would go back through your essay and eliminate some of the unnecessary information (e.g. the name of your child's school.) You want to highlight the important things that will make you a good nursing student, not clutter the essay with a lot of extraneous information. Is it really necessary to say that you may get your CPR training at the gym?

    Be sure to break it into paragraphs that are fairly short and easy to read -- with each paragraph focused on one theme. That helps the reader to identify your key points -- in other words, those key points that emphasize why you think you will be successful in their school. It will also show your ability to organize your thoughts, prioritize, etc. For example, you should probably just have one paragraph that discusses how you have considered fulfilling some of the requirements such as CPR, the physical, etc. You would probably want another paragraph that conveys how you believe that being the mother of a child with special needs has helped you. etc. etc.

    Organization, clarity, assuring that your key points are first and foremost in their minds as they read it -- these are probably the things that will make your essay stand out from the rest.

    Good luck,
    llg
  8. by   2banurse
    As you are able to write an essay on why you wish to enter the nursing program, I would definitely take the suggestions of the above posts. Unfortunately, in my school the only application is a quick application with very superficial information. I believe that the information is just so that they can pull your transcript to see what classes you have been taking for the program and what kind of GPA. Another student with more prereqs completed and a higher GPA can be put ahead of you for consideration. It is quite frustrating. So let them know your accomplishments but be to the point.

    Good luck!
    Kris
  9. by   kats
    Thank you all so much for your input. This was just a rough first draft so I knew there would be a lot to change. I plan to go through several more drafts before finally sending it off.
    Mel D, I really appreciate the time you took to go through it so completely.
    essarge, I will include my gpa too. I also do have to have 3 letters of reccomendation. They are forms that I had to print from the website. I gave them to my Algebra teacher, my Nutrition teacher, and my teacher I have had for Anatomy, Physiology, and now Microbiology.
    RN2bNC, you were right also. I re-read the parts you pointed out and they could definately be clearer.
    To those who mentioned me stating my son's school, I only mentioned it because when my son was younger he was sent home from school a lot becaus the teacher's didn't always know how to deal with him. That is another reason why I couldn't work or go to school. Even when he does have a bad day now, this school can actually deal with it, so he doesn't have to leave school. Since the school I am applying to is in Visalia, I guess I was thinking that they would recognize the name and know of it's quality. I guess that is giving more information than what is needed though.
    Again, to everyone who responded, thank you very much for your input. I really appreciate it. I will post the final draft once it is finally done so you all can see how it turns out.
    Now I have to go get the house ready for my in-laws to visit this weekend. Hmm, Super Bowl and the in-laws in one weekend. Yea. Oh, well. It's just 2 days, thank goodness.
    Last edit by kats on Jan 24, '03

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