For you other moms, how do you deal with "mommy guilt", especially when it is mainly self imposed? My son is 2. If Daddy is home, he's fine. If I'm in the same room as him completely focused on studying, he'll play with his toys and be fine. I just feel terrible because the only time I really see him is to feed him dinner and then to put him to bed. Any coping suggestions?
Jan 24, '07
I can sooo relate to what you're feeling; I've been feeling it myself the past few days as I'm buried in my books. The way I'm handling it is by telling myself that I will make it up to them BIG time during my summer break when I have three months off! I also tell myself that I'm doing this for them, too.
Just let them know that they are loved, always... remember, it's not the quantity of the time that you spend, it's the quality. Even if you're "just" putting him to bed, make that time special by reading a short story, singing a lullaby, talking quietly... he'll love it. Trust me. :-)
Jan 25, '07
I do feel guilty and that is why I rarely study when my kids are with me. Of course if I have a big test or assignement due I sometimes have to , but usually I study at night after they are in bed. I know I'll be more tired, but for me I feel better not taking away from their time.
Jan 25, '07
My mom used to get up at 4am to study every morning when we were little. I don't know how she did it.
Jan 25, '07
Quote from JenMarie82
For you other moms, how do you deal with "mommy guilt", especially when it is mainly self imposed? ... I just feel terrible because the only time I really see him is to feed him dinner and then to put him to bed. Any coping suggestions?
I hope your future plans including working a different shift than your husband's job so that one or the other of you are home with your kid(s). In that case, you can tell yourself it is the price you pay now for the payback later. You don't have to spend LARGE amounts of time with him but I think you do have to be AVAILABLE to him. It's annoying in a way to be interrupted but you can study alongside his playing as long as you are available. Moms have been doing that for hundreds of years. You don't really think that SAHM spend every minute focused on their child's needs, do you? That might be the illusion that is torturing you now, the only-if's...
If you can cut back just a little bit to do some activities he enjoys on a regular basis, (such as also giving him his bath every night and playing with him, for example), it might help YOU unload the mommy guilt. Even a little bit helps.
My daughter and I snuggle together in her bed every Wed. night. She can count on that time with me no matter what and so can I. Goes a long way...
Jan 26, '07
I am having a horrible time with mommy guilt too. I have a 4 year old and a 20 month old. I also have to work full time so on Tuesday & Thursday I leave home at 6:00 a.m. and get home at 11:30 p.m. When we have weekend clinicals I don't get to see the kids either because I usually have to stay in the town where our clinicals are. I have a great hubby, but I typically only see my kids Mon, Wed, & Fri evenings for a few hours. It is very hard and, like most of you, I have to spend some of that time studying. I too will make myself tired and study after everyone is asleep. I make sure that on my nights at home, I spend enough time to at least read them a bedtime story no matter what else is going on. And I make sure I tuck them in, kiss them, and tell them how much I love them. It is very hard because you feel like you are missing such a huge part of their life, but it's really not, we just have to remember that the family will benefit from it and it's only a small portion of our lives.
Jan 29, '07
My baby is fifteen now. But I made the mistake (I was only eighteen, I didn't know any better) of making MY first day of nursing school on the same as HIS first day of daycare. That had to be the worst half hour of my life. I was trying to leave and he kept saying, "Mommy, don't you love me? Don't leave me mommy". I'm crying now just thinking about it. Needless to say I had a horrible day at school. When I picked him up they said he was fine after I left and he wanted to go back the next day. I was single then and working also. Pretty much the only time I had with him was reading to him at night til he fell asleep, and I was reading from my Potter and Perry textbook (don't know if they use that one anymore). I was up every morning at four am and usually went to sleep between midnight and 1 am. It was horrible. I feel so sorry for you all, I know how you feel. The important thing is to make the little bit of time you have with them very worthwhile time. Good luck to you.
Must Read Topics