Accidental Pregnancy

  1. Hi all,
    I want to share that I am looking for advice, not asking to be shamed.


    I am a young nursing student and recently found out I am pregnant. I do not know what to do. I'm very scared and nervous. I feel overwhelmed and alone and I know the ultimate decision all comes down to me. I will be due around graduation, if I choose to keep it. My last semester or nursing school is my capstone semester which would make the pregnancy a little easier, I think. The only problem with this is finding a job while also following the nurse's schedule during capstone. I want to be able to provide for the baby when it comes into this world, but I'm afraid I won't be able to. I don't want to bring it into this world and then not be able to give it what it needs, but I also don't want to abort it because I'm already so attached and I know I would fall into a deep depression. I feel selfish for wanting to keep it, but I'm so scared to abort it.

    I am enrolled in school full-time and work part-time as a PCA.

    I've been with my significant other for 4.5 years. He feels the same way as I do. He says he would take next semester off (even though he is graduating as well) so he could work full-time and prepare for it and just be able to provide for us. But I don't want to strip away his dreams of graduating and being done with school. I feel like it's unfair to him if I keep it. But I feel like it's unfair to me if I get rid of it. I also feel as though I would resent him. We had our lives planned out, and this wasn't supposed to happen until after graduation, obtaining careers, traveling, and marriage.

    Our parents don't know about it yet and I don't want to disappoint my parents. I am the first child to go to college, and I know this isn't what they expected or sent me to college for. Since my family is religious, I feel like I lose either way... If I abort it, it's against God's plan, but if I keep it, I had premarital sex, ruined my life, disappointed them, and yattayattayatta.

    If I choose to keep it, I would move back to my hometown which is two hours away--not sure if I would move back in with Mom and Dad-- because that is where my capstone location would be. I would have to find a new job for the summer, and hope it works out during the fall semester. If I choose to abort it, I just don't know.

    I'm just looking for advice or 'what would you do if you were in my shoes'. Not asking to be shamed for getting pregnant or thinking about an abortion. Thanks for reading.
    •  
  2. Visit m2038k profile page

    About m2038k

    Joined: Jan '16; Posts: 5; Likes: 13

    23 Comments

  3. by   ItsThatJenGirl
    If I were in your shoes, I'd have an abortion. It sounds like it's just not the right time in your life for a baby. I was faced with a similar situation a very long time ago, and I'm happy to chat about my decision with you privately.

    I know there's a lot of social stigma around abortion, but they are legal, necessary medical procedures and no one has to know.

    Whatever you decide, it's the correct decision. If you keep the baby, you will find a way to make it work. If you don't, you'll be okay, too.

    Best of luck to you in your decision. I'm here to chat if you need an ear.
  4. by   verene
    It sounds like you are in a tough situation and could use a non-judgemental ear to listen to you sort through the options. Do you have a student health center - I'd recommend seeing what help they can offer you, either in terms of a medical provider who can walk you through your potential options and mental health care for counseling and managing stress? This is also a good place to find out what accommodations the school might be able to provide to pregnant students which could open up some doors you haven't considered yet.

    You say your family is going to be unsupportive no matter what choice you make but do you have other people in your life you can turn to for support at this time - friends, other relatives, an instructor at school, your clergy, or your boy-friends family? It sounds like no matter what choice you make this is going to be a rough time emotionally for you and having some one who can turn to would be helpful.
  5. by   PrereqTaker89
    I think you know what you want to do with your pregnancy. You say that if you abort then you'll become depressed.

    Another option available to you is adoption. There are people out there who have the resources to support a child. But if I were in your shoes I'd make a few changes to my end goal and have the baby and deal with the challenges as they came. It sounds like you have a supportive partner and you'll find out if he's husband material by the way he reacts to your decision to keep your very wanted baby.

    Good luck to you OP!
  6. by   MiladyMalarkey
    Do what your heart tells you to. Everyone else's opinions aside, your parents, your boyfriend, etc., it's your feelings and choice alone that matters in the end.

    I have my own beliefs & know what I'd do in your shoes but I won't impose my beliefs on you. There is just no easy answer.

    The post the PP made about adoption is also a great alternative to consider in my humble opinion. I wish you the best in the choice you make.
  7. by   itiswell
    Just wanted to let you know that a couple students in my nursing program, as well as a couple nurses in my new grad residency program, were in their final term of pregnancy during their capstones. All of them had supportive partners (as it sounds like you do as well), and all graduated and are now employed as nurses. I know that life isn't always shiny like this, and I'm sure many of them had a lot of emotional and physical exhaustion, but I just wanted to let you know that if you do choose to keep the baby I fully believe that you can do it. It's definitely a lot to think about and I hope you feel well loved and supported by those around you.
  8. by   PediatricMA
    Ultimately its all up to you. what you feel in your gut you can do. If you decide to keep the baby you will make it through, even if it seems like would be imposible right now. If you keep the baby it will be tough, it will be a fight. If you decide to get an abortion if will be tough too, its something you will always carry. Think about where you could see yourself in 5 years.
  9. by   Guy in Babyland
    There will be many times in your life that things do not go as planned. Many students over the years have had to deal with a pregnancy during school. My advice is to graduate, have the baby, and start applying for nursing jobs when you are recovered. It can take several months for a new grad to find their first nursing job. Your boyfriend needs to also graduate on time and find a nursing job quickly. He will be able to provide for you and the baby more easily as a nurse. Tell your parents as soon as possible. You may have to live with your parents a little while longer until both of you are employed and stable. This is a rough patch, but you will get through it.
  10. by   Esme12
    Oh honey...you are not alone. You have your significant other. YOu need to do what your heart tells you. Talk to friends, clergy (if that is significant for you) but the bottom line is what your heart says. Life has unexpected changes to your path and you just need to adapt. Even though your parents are religious you might find them more supportive that you think...hugs
  11. by   HopefulRN4144
    I found out I was pregnant right after graduating high school (literally right after, a few weeks). I thought my parents would completely freak out. I thought they would pressure me to do what they would want me to do and would never stop lecturing me. I was TOTALLY wrong. They could not have been more supportive and loving. They are your parents. No matter what you do, they will always love you and be there for you. They might be disappointed at first, but I'm sure they will still be supportive and loving. If they aren't, it sounds like you have a very supportive significant other and you guys have been together for a while, so I'm sure he will support you. I didn't have that, so I was very lucky that my parents were so supportive. It sounds like both of you want to keep it. But, whatever decision you make, you will be able to get through. It took me a loooong time to get through nursing school, but I did it! And that was starting it from the beginning. You are right at the end, so you can definitely do it!! At first, I lived with my parents for a while. They helped me with my son a lot. If you keep it, it will be their grandchild, so I'm sure they will love him/her and help out however they can as well. But again, it is your decision. Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you, and you will be able to do anything. It might be harder than you thought, but you will be able to do it! Good luck!
  12. by   miriamanne
    have your baby because this is your last semester, So you should be fine And make sure to have a support system as well.......Besides your pretty much done with the program.
  13. by   hurricanekat
    God always has a plan. Always. God's plan may not match up with your plan, and it may not make sense to you in the present, but over time it will all become crystal clear.

    You are nearly done with your program. If your fella is in nursing school and is almost finished also - let him finish. You are so close to being done. You will both be able to better provide for a little one (day care is expensive but if ya'll can work different shifts then you won't need daycare) if both of you can get good jobs. Trust me - when that baby is born, you need a few clothes, lots of socks and onesies and blankies and diapers and a good carseat. Don't let anyone convince you that you need half of the baby crap that they sell. You don't even need a crib!! A laundry basket, a bassinet - whatever your choice is - it doesn't have to be expensive. The only time I would shell out any money is for a car seat - now that's important!

    As a mom - I would encourage you talk to your parents. If my daughter were in the same situation, I would certainly do everything to help her graduate. Right now we joke and I say "just don't get pregnant until I get out of school", but its a joke. She is a sophomore in University right now also. We would find a way to make it happen. She could come live with me, I'd help pay expenses, I'd keep the baby so she could finish school.... Whatever it took to help them get their family together. I can't imagine a parent being any other way.

    You are over 18 - you are an adult. I tell my daughter all the time that I can only guide her now and she is responsible for her own choices and repercussions. I don't expect her to act or think the same way that I do. I'm a realist here. I do expect her to come to me for help and advice (although I don't expect her to always do what I say).

    I think if you talk with your fella and come up with a plan, and then the two of you go talk to your parents and say - this is whats going on, this is our plan and this is where we think we may need help. Can you help us in these areas.... if they can't help - pray. God ALWAYS provides. If you want examples - I can give you plenty. But.... God ALWAYS provides.
  14. by   ProperlySeasoned
    In some ways, the timing is ideal. You could have the baby, graduate, take the NCLEX, and then take the time you want/need prior to the job search. Will starting your career be easier without a child? Of course. But nursing is dominated by females of child bearing age. There are plenty that have found a way to be a nurse and a parent.
    I am a parent, and I have "plans" for my kids. But my love for them suprecedes any expectations, I know that ultimately they will live their own lives and make their own choices.

close