You know your pt is a jerk if........ - page 6

You know your pt is a jerk if: 1. they demand the catheter out so they can have sex with their girlfriend. 2. they cuss you and everyone in the room out regardless of the situation. 3. they are... Read More

  1. by   ShifraPuah
    Quote from vickirn1
    Well, not my patient but their family. I work on an acute care unit with a ratio of 1:3. One of my patients was a DNR (which, by the way, I am WELL aware does not mean 'do not treat'). Anyway, this patient consumed 75% of my 12 hour shift that day. He was going downhill, has inoperable cancer, heart in rapid a-flutter (rate 170's), potassium of 6.7, kidneys shutting down, lethargic and unable to take any of his po meds, you name it! After 12 hours of starting 2 different drips, kayexolate enema's, insertion of PICC line, pushing lopressor IV every 2 hours, 2 hour outputs, drawing labs to monitor potassium levels, turning/repositioning/oral care every 2 hours, fighting with ultrasound to have evaluation of kidneys done at bedside per md order, calling MD with updates and lab levels the MPOA, phones the yell at me because the patient wasn't getting his scheduled does of PO lortab!!!! I was never so frustrated in my career. (By the way, in the 4 days I cared for this man I saw this MPOA in to see him once.) The man showed NO signs of pain and I explained this to her and all she had to say was 'I'll take this up with his doctor in the morning' to which I replied...' okay ma'am, have a nice day' and calmly hung up the phone before I screamed!!!! LOL
    Don't worry; whether it's the pt or the pt's family--it's ALWAYS good to vent. Jerkiness is no respecter of persons.
  2. by   stilltrying
    LOL When the ER call and say we found two Oxycodone in your pt bra.
  3. by   BelleKat
    You definitely know your pt is a jerk when EMS grabs his essentially lifeless body off the street downtown and only due to the proximity of major trauma unit and outstanding OR that his butt is alive to complain when I pull his gown up a little to better affix the pads for the balloon pump or would you like a clot with that? Grr,he had pulmonary artery damage and open heart surgery with a one in a million recovery and he cops an attitude w/ me like I'm trying to peek? Sheesh!!
  4. by   Mermaid in the Sea
    Quote from nerdtonurse?
    okay, at the risk of sounding very southern---

    ya'll ain't gonna believe this....

    i had a guy who'd had extensive lower abd. surgery, and they did a saddle block d/t his copd/chf/crappy ejection fraction, etc. well, sure enough, his bladder starts distenting within 2 hours of him hitting the floor. now, this guy had completely refused a foley, but when we explained that a ruptured bladder is a bad, bad thing, he agreed but asked that we try the condom cath. now, i'm a woman but i've had a foley, and if there was a female version of a condom cath, i'd be asking for that to be tried first, too. i had to very gently explain to the man that he was not a "candidate" for a condom cath. you figure it out.

    so now he's mad, the wife is telling him to hush and act like a man (and oh, ain't that going over really well) and i'm trying to get the catheter up him, and the catheter is squirming in my hand because i can't get the ureter straight, since there's not a whole lot for me to anchor on, if you get my drift, and he's cussing me out. mr. wonderful snarls, "gee, what's taking so long, it's not like you haven't had your hands on a man's #*#*$ before."

    without blinking an eye, i snapped, "yes, but not with his wife standing at the foot of the bed."

    the wife about died laughing, and i didn't have any more problems with mr. wonderful.
    omg i'm rolling on the floor laughing, good for you !!
  5. by   rockhunter
    He is readmitted to hospital 1 week post surgery on his foot via surgical outpatients with maggots in his wound. When asked why he hadn't reported the smell of rotting flesh earlier - reply is 'I only noticed there was a problem when my wife commented on the increase in the flys in the house'
  6. by   twistedpupchaser
    When you have spent half an hour scrubbing a foot that has just come out of a cast after 4 months to prep for surgery and you ask the Pt to have a go for a while to remove more dead skin while you do a Med Round and they turn to you and state, "No I don't think so, you are getting paid to do this, not me."

    When you get an abusive phone call from a Pt's husband 1200 km away because she decided she wanted a great dose of sympathy so told him all sorts of stories. Aparently she had been screaming in pain for "hours" and nobody cared that she had a broken leg and refused her pain medication. It is funny because literally minutes earlier she denied pain and`was happy as a pig in muck.....
  7. by   rph3664
    Quote from squeakykitty
    If I remember right, Lorena Bobbit got off with a slap on the wrist.
    And her ex-husband embarked on a porno career.

    Really, he did despite only having 4 inches to work with.
  8. by   rph3664
    Quote from rockhunter
    He is readmitted to hospital 1 week post surgery on his foot via surgical outpatients with maggots in his wound. When asked why he hadn't reported the smell of rotting flesh earlier - reply is 'I only noticed there was a problem when my wife commented on the increase in the flys in the house'


    Those people must live in filth!
  9. by   squeakykitty
    Quote from rph3664
    And her ex-husband embarked on a porno career.

    Really, he did despite only having 4 inches to work with.
    He also got arrested for beating up on his girlfriend about 2 years after he got "bobbed". I guess he didn't learn the first time. He would probably find a way to be a jerk pt.
  10. by   Mermaid in the Sea
    omg this is to funny, thanks for making me laugh, i needed it !:clphnds:
  11. by   rph3664
    Quote from squeakykitty
    He also got arrested for beating up on his girlfriend about 2 years after he got "bobbed". I guess he didn't learn the first time. He would probably find a way to be a jerk pt.
    And he probably WAS a jerk patient while he was in the hospital getting, ahem, reconstructed. :imbar

    Thanks to allnurses for placing this thread at the bottom of the page, therefore making it easier to get bumped!

  12. by   Jaybird310
    You know your patient's a jerk when:
    You introduce yourself as a nurse and immediatly get met with a flurry of Gaylord Fokker referrences.
    You're pt who five minutes ealier was in dire pain holds up a finger at you then points to their phone and then makes a go away motion
    He tells you that he's prefer the hot nurse he saw on his way in start his IV
    Give me some time, or hell just give me until I go back to work Monday night and I'm sure I can have a few more. Those are just the annoying ones off the top of my head.
  13. by   MrsMommaRN
    he wants you to put lotion on his butt.

    she wants to know all your credentials including your kindergarden teacher.

    they want this that and the other, then when you get back in the room and kindly ask "is there anything else you need?" they say no and put their light on before you get to the end of the hall.

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