You know your pt is a jerk if........

Nurses General Nursing

Published

You know your pt is a jerk if:

1. they demand the catheter out so they can have sex with their girlfriend.

2. they cuss you and everyone in the room out regardless of the situation.

3. they are a no information pt because they were shot and they are mad because they aren't suppossed to be calling people to let they know where they are.

4. they want to leave so they can find the drug dealer that shot them so they can "get my gun and do him before he does me".

Woo, what a night!!!:smackingf

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

On a happier note, I have found that if I've got someone threatening to go AMA, it takes the wind out of their sails when I come in with the form, tell them I've already called their doctor, and would they like follow the 1 liter fluid restriction / diet / no smoking rule / no narcotics w/o an order, etc. that the doctor ordered or would they just like to sign here. And if you leave AMA, that means you haul your own crap outta here, the minute you sign the form, I'm not your nurse anymore.

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Specializes in Emergency, outpatient.
- you have the fortune of taking care of the hospitals own head of anesthesia... who feels nurses are below him.

he will

- tell you how many wash cloths to bath him with

- request how long you make the water run before wetting them and times you.

- has his own buddies in the hospital sneak more pain meds to him if the doc in charge of him has cut him off - and no - he doesnt tell you, so you have no way of knowing what meds, how much or when he has gotten them.

- he changes his OWN pca when you are at lunch.

OMG:eek: time for the unit manager to take care of this guy!! Where is his admitting doc? Sounds like he admitted himself. Time to call the pharmacy re: narcotic diversion!! (or maybe an anonymous report to the DEA, huh?) BTW, who gave him the key to the PCA pump?

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

I had a patient who had a Dx of syphillis and I had to give him the huge shot of Penicillin G. He starts waving his weenie and saying "I can handle that shot, I've done this plenty of times" and then asked if I were single and for my phone number. I really wanted to stomp Mr. Dick Dastardly that afternoon...

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The Dicky Stomp....

Wanted to do that too before, but refrained! :)

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While I am removing the guys shoes(stinky, stinky,stinky guy) so the doc can take a look at the wound he caused himself by shooting an arrow into his big toe, he says,"While you are down there wanna do me a favor".

I reply, "Considering the fact your feet have not been washed since 1988, I doubt you still have a member".

He asked the doc for a "nice" nurse. The doc told him there were not any!:yeah:

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Specializes in Burn, CCU, CTICU, Trauma, SICU, MICU.
OMG:eek: time for the unit manager to take care of this guy!! Where is his admitting doc? Sounds like he admitted himself. Time to call the pharmacy re: narcotic diversion!! (or maybe an anonymous report to the DEA, huh?) BTW, who gave him the key to the PCA pump?

everyone was way aware and everyone basically said "just shut up, nod and smile - your shift if almost over" and it was a fight as to who had to take care of him.

his buddies from the anesthesia department supplied him with each whim his ordered md would not. total nightmare.

this is a guy that took up an icu bed when it was needed - who was a med surg status because they wanted him to have a big private room with a "more available" nurse to answer his whims.

.... reasons why i want to get out of acute care #723823823

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...He looks at you and says (in a Herb Tarleck voice) "weeeellllllll.. if I had know I would have gotten someone so pretty to come help me, I woulda rang that bell a looooooong time ago..."

weellll,if I had known you were such a gross out , I would have sent someone else to get you off the commode.

:chuckle OMG!!!!

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please stop....I am making myself sick laughing,....

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Definition of a jerk

1) One who behaves rudely

2) The third derivative in differential calculus

indicating small changes in acceleration

But seriously, this is a professional forum! Can we leave the

member part out!

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Well, I have yet to experience any member issues...yet. And I am thankful for that. This week:

1. Walking down hall to go on a break. Call light goes off. I go in rm. Pt. says "I ****** myself and it's your fault." REALLY? "Yeah... you didn't get here fast enough!" Whatever!!!!

2. Pt. up adlib. Pt sitting in shower, pulls emergency call cord. Pt. starts screaming...and I mean screaming..."HELP! HELP!" I go running in there as fast as lightening with visions of law suit swirling through my head. I pull the curtain and she looks up at me..."I dropped my soap!"

3. Pt. had gallbladder removed. Was up adlib at this point. I went into rm. to check on him and he informed me that he crapped in his bed because he didn't feel like getting up. And then as I was trying to clean him up (he didn't feel like that either) he told me he was going to crap again. I told him to stop immediately so that he could WALK to the bathroom and he told me that it was just easier for him to crap in his bed and them he proceded to literally crap all over my hand, arm, bed, etc. Nice!

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry/PCU, SNF.

2 hours after nearly being coded for respiratory distress, and swearing to you that he isn't going out to smoke again...out he walks to smoke. Ungrateful jerk.

Tom

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I had a patient who had a Dx of syphillis and I had to give him the huge shot of Penicillin G. He starts waving his weenie and saying "I can handle that shot, I've done this plenty of times" and then asked if I were single and for my phone number. I really wanted to stomp Mr. Dick Dastardly that afternoon...

I know a good place to stick that needle..............

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