Would you let a relationship affect your job advancement?

  1. So, lately, I have been thinking about where I want to be in my career. While I'm not 100% sure where I would like to end up, I do know that my current situation is not one in which I wish to be in forever. I currently work two jobs, one as a nurse and one as a tech. The tech job has become so simple that it's becoming very routine and there are few challenges left for me in the area. While I greatly enjoy everyone that I work with, the job itself is not as fulfilling as I would like.

    My other job is as a nurse at a rehab/ltc facility. While my basic nursing skills have greatly improved, I also feel that there are still more things to learn from this job, and am considering investing more time in this job so I can expand my skills and nursing knowledge. I am also considering switching departments at my one job so I am working as a nurse, and not a tech. I feel that I am ready to challenge myself in a different area of nursing.

    The thing is, in order to do these things, I probably would have to lead my tech job. And there comes the dilemma: I am currently dating someone who I am working with in that area. While we greatly enjoy each other's company and share many interests, I am concerned that my attempts to advance my career may result in the loss of the relationship.

    Truth is, while we talk with each other a lot, it seems to be mostly work related. While I try and open myself up, my boyfriend does not seem to reveal a lot about himself. In fact, sometimes I find out things about him from coworkers, and not him. When we are texting back and forth, it is generally me doing most of the talking. I generally have to initiate most of the contacts, including coming up with ideas for dates. He does not seem to have many interests, and has very little personal information to contribute to discussions. He also seems to lack ambition and passion for anything.

    At the same time, he is a great guy that treats me well. Most of our friends and family feel that we are a great match, although my mom suspects that this may be more of a friendship than a serious relationship. We get asked a lot when we are getting married or having children.

    I would feel bad if I chose to move on and my plans ended up not including him, especially since he is a very nice person. It would also mean that I would probably be single again, and with my 27th birthday coming up, time is running out to find someone to marry. At the same time, my desire to have a successful nursing career came LONG before I met him.

    So I guess I'm a little mixed. Do I continue in my current positions so I can be sure that I am still in a relationship? Or do I go for the career that I have worked very hard for and continue to work hard for, and risk losing the relationship?
    •  
  2. 88 Comments

  3. by   ~Mi Vida Loca~RN
    It seems like you already know your answer, at least from the way I read it you realize long term this isn't going to work. Are you willing to put your goals on hold just to be polite because someone is nice even though the relationship seems to lack chemistry and intimacy? Only you know your relationship. But from what I just read I alone, I would be moving forward.
  4. by   sallyrnrrt
    Not the best idea to be in a relationship with someone you work with.....you may think and being paid as a tech, but if you are a lis. Nurse, you are held by your BON, to your nursing scope of practice, accountability....
  5. by   purplegal
    Quote from ~Mi Vida Loca~RN
    It seems like you already know your answer, at least from the way I read it you realize long term this isn't going to work. Are you willing to put your goals on hold just to be polite because someone is nice even though the relationship seems to lack chemistry and intimacy? Only you know your relationship. But from what I just read I alone, I would be moving forward.
    I'm just worried people would think less of me if I chose to move on, because they really like us both. Also, the guy has done nothing wrong and treats me well, so I'm worried it will be seen selfish and heartless if I choose my career over him. He really doesn't have much going on in his life, and people say that I seem happier now that I'm with him.
  6. by   purplegal
    Quote from sallyrnrrt
    Not the best idea to be in a relationship with someone you work with.....you may think and being paid as a tech, but if you are a lis. Nurse, you are held by your BON, to your nursing scope of practice, accountability....
    Yeah, our department is interesting in that there have been at least three dating couples within it. One couple moved away and are living with each other, raising the girl's son. Another couple are expecting a baby together. Now I think a lot of our coworkers are expecting us to do the same thing...get married, have babies.

    But before this, I would have never dreamt I would be dating someone I work with. Also is there anything out there that says legally, a licensed nurse should not be dating a coworker? I'm just curious. I know it's not necessarily the best idea, but are there legal implications?
  7. by   KelRN215
    Quote from purplegal
    It would also mean that I would probably be single again, and with my 27th birthday coming up, time is running out to find someone to marry. At the same time, my desire to have a successful nursing career came LONG before I met him.

    So I guess I'm a little mixed. Do I continue in my current positions so I can be sure that I am still in a relationship? Or do I go for the career that I have worked very hard for and continue to work hard for, and risk losing the relationship?
    You're 26 and you think time is running out to find someone to marry? I'm 33 and don't feel in any kind of rush.

    It seems like you just want to be in a relationship- not necessarily in the relationship you're currently in. Why would you want to be with someone who you think wouldn't support you in bettering your career opportunities?

    No question that working in a tech job when you are a licensed nurse is going to hold you back. I am surprised this is even allowed as it opens the facility up to huge liabilities with role confusion. The longer you work as a tech and not a nurse the fewer nursing opportunities that you will have open to you.
  8. by   KelRN215
    Quote from purplegal
    Yeah, our department is interesting in that there have been at least three dating couples within it. One couple moved away and are living with each other, raising the girl's son. Another couple are expecting a baby together. Now I think a lot of our coworkers are expecting us to do the same thing...get married, have babies.

    But before this, I would have never dreamt I would be dating someone I work with. Also is there anything out there that says legally, a licensed nurse should not be dating a coworker? I'm just curious. I know it's not necessarily the best idea, but are there legal implications?
    Think about how laws come to be. The legislature has to sit down, draft the law and it has to go through committees, be voted on, be approved by both House and Senate and then be signed by the Executor (either the Governor or President). There are no laws that say "Nurses cannot date coworkers." Many do. I know nurses who have married doctors, who have dated patient sitters and even ones who have dated patient relatives. There are no laws that would prohibit any of the above; HOWEVER, there may be facility policies that prohibit any or all. My current employer has a policy against coworkers dating.
  9. by   purplegal
    Quote from KelRN215
    You're 26 and you think time is running out to find someone to marry? I'm 33 and don't feel in any kind of rush.

    It seems like you just want to be in a relationship- not necessarily in the relationship you're currently in. Why would you want to be with someone who you think wouldn't support you in bettering your career opportunities?

    No question that working in a tech job when you are a licensed nurse is going to hold you back. I am surprised this is even allowed as it opens the facility up to huge liabilities with role confusion. The longer you work as a tech and not a nurse the fewer nursing opportunities that you will have open to you.
    Well, it's not that I don't think he would be supportive of my career advancements, but I do wonder how long the relationship would last since most of our discussions involve work. Without working at the same place, there may be little to base our relationship off of, since, for some reason, he is not willing to reveal much about himself and does not appear to have any interests to have a conversation about. He doesn't appear to have any goals in life and when I try to learn more about him and his background, he doesn't go into much detail. I feel like he's had challenges in in life that he's not sharing, and I feel that in a serious relationship, both people should be willing to share those details. For example, we have a certification exam that we are all supposed to pass, but, I have looked up his name on the site that verifies our certification (just like the BON website has an option to view those who have licenses), and his name is not there. Yet, he goes around pretending that he's passed the exam, even though I'm almost positive he has not. If he had trouble passing the exam, I wish he would just be open about it. I don't really care that he's not a good test taker, but I do care that he won't share his struggles.

    At the same time, maybe he's just a slow one to open up. Maybe I'm expecting too much after almost a year of dating. And I don't want to cut out someone who could be a good match just because I'm ambitious and want to do more with my life and nursing career.
  10. by   purplegal
    Quote from KelRN215
    You're 26 and you think time is running out to find someone to marry? I'm 33 and don't feel in any kind of rush.

    It seems like you just want to be in a relationship- not necessarily in the relationship you're currently in. Why would you want to be with someone who you think wouldn't support you in bettering your career opportunities?

    No question that working in a tech job when you are a licensed nurse is going to hold you back. I am surprised this is even allowed as it opens the facility up to huge liabilities with role confusion. The longer you work as a tech and not a nurse the fewer nursing opportunities that you will have open to you.
    Also I agree that a tech job could hold me back, but since I am also working as a nurse and getting nursing experience, I am not totally worried about that. If the tech job were my only position, that would be another thing.
  11. by   purplegal
    Quote from KelRN215
    Think about how laws come to be. The legislature has to sit down, draft the law and it has to go through committees, be voted on, be approved by both House and Senate and then be signed by the Executor (either the Governor or President). There are no laws that say "Nurses cannot date coworkers." Many do. I know nurses who have married doctors, who have dated patient sitters and even ones who have dated patient relatives. There are no laws that would prohibit any of the above; HOWEVER, there may be facility policies that prohibit any or all. My current employer has a policy against coworkers dating.
    There are no policies in my workplace against coworkers dating, although it may change from department to department
  12. by   ~Mi Vida Loca~RN
    Quote from purplegal
    I'm just worried people would think less of me if I chose to move on, because they really like us both. Also, the guy has done nothing wrong and treats me well, so I'm worried it will be seen selfish and heartless if I choose my career over him. He really doesn't have much going on in his life, and people say that I seem happier now that I'm with him.
    Girl do not base your future and your relationship and your goals on what others may think You have to get out of that mindset right now or you're gonna spend the rest of your life living for everyone else and trying to please everyone else while suffering inside. You're not even planning on staying there (which shouldn't matter regardless) but in no way shape or form should you ever remain in a relationship to try and make others happy or because you're worried of what they may thing. EVER!

    It is clear you don't see a future with this guy. He can be a great guy, doesn't mean he is the guy for you.
  13. by   Penelope_Pitstop
    201411_2115_ehgfd-jpg
  14. by   RotorRunner
    I have so many questions but mostly why are you working as a tech if you are a registered nurse? I'd check the board of nursing in your state and make sure that is allowed if I were you.

    I think you're spending too much time worrying about other people's expectations of you. Do what you want - it's your career and your life. I certainly wouldn't recommend staying in a nursing assistant position if you are a registered nurse.

close