Would any of you do this?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Specializes in Psych.

My uncle (father's older brother, he is 61 years old) has been living at one of the houses he owns (the house I grew up in, my parents have since purchased their "dream home" on an acre wooded lot about 10 minutes from the old house) with 2 of my brothers (ages 25 and 21) r/t the fact that he has epilepsy and can no longer live on his own. Well there's a family history of Alzheimer's and he has started to wander around the neighborhood and was picked up by the police. My brothers are not at the house all the time to watch him (one works, the other is a Senior in college) and they need someone at the house to make sure he doesn't wander, eats regularly, takes his meds, and generally does what he is supposed to as far as ADL's go. He is still capable of performing ADL's himself, just needs to be reminded. My brother's can't (and aren't that willing) to make sure all this happens, so my father approached me about coming over to the house during the week to make sure all these things get done. I am a SN, about to start my second year of NS. Dad is willing to pay me. I know that mixing family and money is not always a good idea, but I'm unemployed and frankly need the money. So is this something you guys would do, or do you think I should tell him no?

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He is your uncle I would do it out of love and respect and forget about the money, but that is your choice. Think of how you would want to be treated in that situation. Here is a good story to ponder:

The Wooden Bowl

I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson.

The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and

Failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.

When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.

'We must do something about father,' said the son.

'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.

There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.

Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.

Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.

He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded,

'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.'

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,

Neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

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I might do it - but be sure you are up to it, and will have the time you need for school. You may want to get everyone together and work out a reasonable schedule for you and your brothers. I'm a little uneasy about the money - it is helping family; but paying you is an alternative to expensive stranger care. Just be sure everyone understands each others responsibilities, and how lomg this situation can be expected to continue. What are the plans if he is too much to take care of, etc. Maybe have a defined trial period and see how it goes.

Good luck with your family and your nursing future.

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Specializes in NICU.

It is very common to see family take care of relatives. I guess for taking the job, it just depends on your comfort level with him and ease of constantly going to the house to check up on him. It sounds like he needs 24-7 watch to make sure he doesn't wander or do something inappropriate. Is that something both you and your family can cover? If you think he might have Alzheimer's, I would recommend getting him a professional evaluation so he can have better and early management of this forgetfulness he is having. I don't see the problem with getting paid for this since if you don't want this job, it sounds like your dad will just pay someone else to do it instead. I would personally do this for a dear family member if I had the resources/time to do it, but if the health condition became worse and the relative was becoming more dependent or violent, maybe an assisted living facility would be more appropriate.

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Specializes in Hospice / Psych / RNAC.

Do it. It's always better when family is involved; as for him paying you, that's alright too. Imagine if you had a child; would you want strangers or family to watch them while you work?

Take the money because you need it to live and your father probably would be disappointed if you didn't. Your dad wants what's best for his brother. If he doesn't pay you it will be someone else so.........

Best of luck to you. Has your uncle been to a neurologist to be evaluated for the potential Alzheimer's? If he hasn't' make sure that happens as a treatment plan needs to be made. Here's your chance to incorporate you nursing learning into real life action for the good of your family.

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Specializes in Cardiology, Research, Family Practice.

I would do it, and I wouldn't feel too bad taking the money. If its just a couple of hours a week, I would likely just do it voluntarily b/c it's family. However, if you are asked to put in several hours weekly, and you are "expected" to show up certain days, etc., it is not unreasonable for your dad to pay you. You may surprised but what a tremendous amount of work this becomes, even if all he needs is a little "reminding."

Next, be sure that you are doing this as the neice, and not as the student nurse. And once you are licensed, I would not do it all, except for my own dad. Even our own family often places higher demands and expectations on us nurses; and when things don't go well, fingers have a tendency to get pointed.

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Man, I'm against the tide here, but HECK no.

Before I get flamed:

1) You are not going to have the time you need to devote to your uncle as a student nurse

2) Working for family has always, always, always bitten me in the butt. Your family may be cool, though.

3) You are going to turn in to your brothers' housekeeper. Believe me, I know. I have two brothers and a low tolerance for mess.

4) Everyone involved will accidentally take advantage of you. Soon you will be taking over for his whole life instead of just watching him while your brothers are out.

If you decide to do it anyway, make sure you set firm limits so that your grades don't suffer. Also, and more importantly, make sure that you are able to commit enough time to your uncle that his care doesn't suffer.

Good luck, whichever way you decide.

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Specializes in ER/Ortho.

I would be more concerned about the time issue. With family situations lines tend to get blurred. I know with my family they didn't understand that just because I was home didn't mean I wasn't free to do whatever needed to be done. They totally didn't get homework, studying, or deadlines.

If you start helping with your uncle, and he gets worse, has a bad day, or someone else who is supposed to relieve you get called away what will happen? Will they be understanding that you have a test tomorrow, homework due etc? Or will they have the mentality that since its you, and after all you don't work you can stay late, or do just one more thing?

Something to think about.

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Specializes in Psych.

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses. Here's the thing though. My dad WOULDNT let me do this for free. Even when I was in high school and expressed interest in helping him out at his orthodontic office, he INSISTED upon paying me. I didnt want or need the money. He paid me very well then, the going rate for dental assisting, even though I was just doing receptionist work. And the school issues, education is paramount in my family. We have come to an understanding that if it starts affecting my studies, I will no longer do it and he will hire someone. He was going to anyway, but knew DH and I needed the money (we are BOTH unemployed at the moment). Its just his backward way of helping us financially. He wouldnt just give or loan us money to pay bills, I would have to do something for it. I get that. I would have done it for free, he's my godfather! I wasn't aware of how serious the situation was until this evening. I have already discussed my limitations with him. No overnights, he needs to install alarms on the doors so it will alert someone if he tries to wander at night, he needs to go back to his neuro again to be evaluated for Alzheimer's, and for now, I won't be bathing him or anything like that. And as far as cleaning up after my brothers LOL, I've been doing that my whole life! I am the oldest in a family of 6 children, I am the only daughter. I was "mom's helper" and family chauffer until I went away to college (my first undergrad degree) when I was 19.

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And as far as cleaning up after my brothers LOL, I've been doing that my whole life! I am the oldest in a family of 6 children, I am the only daughter. I was "mom's helper" and family chauffer until I went away to college (my first undergrad degree) when I was 19.

LOL! And I thought just taking care of two was bad. My dad was a single parent, so I had to be "Mom" when I was teenager, and I tell you, I have a lot of respect for parents. But I have no kids!! (Been there, did that, still not sure I want to go there again.)

Sounds like you have things figured out in a way that will work for everybody. Good luck!!

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I would definately do it. It's your uncle and you will feel so much better once you know, "hey, I made his golden years better by taking care of him". I work in a nursing home and unfortunately, we have too many patients to care for that we cannot give them as much as time or 1 on 1 as we wished. God bless!

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Specializes in Vascular Access.

Money is always nice. But I would do it for respect for my family. There's alot to be said for a person that can help their family member. It's tough, and it's alot of extra work on top of our busy lives. But it's temporary and trust me, you will be very impressed and happy with yourself if you decide to help. Nurses by nature are compassionate people, we can't save the world, but we can start with our family. It took me a while to figure that one out. But if you can't do it either, then a alternate source of help should be investigated. And if he requires constant supervision, which it sounds like that may be approaching. Either a family member needs to take him in or start researching for a place he can go. Otherwise, if the police are finding him, adult protective services could get involved. And no one wants that.

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