Work place bullying . . . I am a victim now, and I am afraid to do any thing about it - page 5

This all started out not too long ago. I used to feel liked by almost anyone I worked with, but now, I feel, some one has daggers for me. It all started one day when I was doing a day shift, which... Read More

  1. by   Jo Dirt
    If someone starts getting pi$$y with me I get nastier with them and they usually back off pretty quick. People may say don't stoop to their level but lowelifes who will treat you like dirt don't understand the logic behind not stooping to their level so you aren't proving a thing to them. So get on your belly and crawl with her! Teach her who to be messing around with! Get mad!
  2. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Quote from lwelke
    Well, what do u think??? any theorys???
    Lynne
    I am not interested in speculating. And I know you are conducting a poll.....that is fine, good luck with that. I have extensive experience with bullies from childhood on....family and kids at school. I know now how to put a stop to it for once and for all in 99% of them. I have learned to be much more assertive and much less a target.

    But I will not speculate or theorize. I would prefer to hear from the OP, not guess at what or how she is doing, thank you! Have a good weekend!
  3. by   BittyBabyGrower
    Sometimes the best thing to do is suck it up and then say, in the nicest sweetest tone...Oh, gee, maybe someday I'll be just like you. And walk away. Usually, people back down after something like that. If she keeps on you, you need to say to her, Do you have a problem with me? If so, what is it? Can we resolve this or do we need a third person to mediate this?

    You are going to run into people like this all the time...but it is hard when you are young and these people are older than you.

    Don't beat yourself up over it...she will sense that little underconfidence you have and feed off of it!
  4. by   Cubby
    Quote from FutureRN_Mandi
    Thank you for helping me Ducky!

    No offense OBNurseShelly, but some people feel a lack of self confidance and they feel like it will come back at them if they stand up for themselves. I am one of those people. . . and yes, I am a whiner, everywhere I go my role is #1 whiner, school, work, my vollnteer job, home, and with my friends too . . . thats the way its been since I was little and . . . . Whaaaaaa I dont wanna quit whiiiiiining!!!! I did not mean this with any offense, you do have a point, and yes I do need to get some balls (even though I'm female)
    I have decided that I have enlarged ovum!!
  5. by   HarryPotter
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    I am not interested in speculating. And I know you are conducting a poll.....that is fine, good luck with that. I have extensive experience with bullies from childhood on....family and kids at school. I know now how to put a stop to it for once and for all in 99% of them. I have learned to be much more assertive and much less a target.

    But I will not speculate or theorize. I would prefer to hear from the OP, not guess at what or how she is doing, thank you! Have a good weekend!
    I just wondered about her silence too and often people on the web know each other, hence the question.
  6. by   explorer
    Quote from futurern_mandi
    oh, and also . . . i always end up being nice and polite to her even after she is mean to me . . .how do i cut that out, and what are better things to say? i'm sick of being a pushover!
    love never fails
  7. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Lwelke, Mandi was a regular here.....she has not been in a long time. Iwould just like to hear how she is these days. She is a very strong person, from what I read in her posts, but also very YOUNG. I am sure she has learned a LOT since this all transpired. Mandy, if you are out there, please let us know how you are.
  8. by   lifeisbeautiful
    Quote from CCU NRS
    thats the way to show support, did you think she needed to be bullied in her thread about bullies?
    That's exactly what I thought the first time I read that post, but I didn't know if I said something if it would be considered a 'personal attack', so as usual, I kept my honest comments to myself. I have been watching this thread, waiting for someone to say exactly what you said CCU NRS. I'm surprised it took so long for someone to point it out. Like I mentioned in another post, Nurses are suppose to be kind, compassionate, understanding, caring, but when it come to treating each other well, many seem to throw that line of thinking out the window. :stone
  9. by   PamUK
    I used to be a union representative. My advice to anyone in this situation would be:



    1. Find out if your hospital has any policies to see what you need to do (I am from the UK and all National Health Service hospitals have policies around bullying & harassment)



    3. If you are a member of a union, contact your rep & discuss it with them (I understand that unions are not common in the States)



    2. Keep a record of times, dates, words, situations, witnesses, locations and any other relevant details. IMPORTANT!



    4. When you have enough evidence recorded, and the behaviour hasn't stopped, you can either set aside time with this bully and discuss it with them, showing your record or go to your Don (take your rep if you have one) and insist that something is done about the behaviour



    5. Consider taking an assertiveness course and stand up for yourself more. You really must do this. I believe if you can't stand up for own rights, how would you stand up for a patient's rights?



    When I was a union rep, I had quite a few nurses come & ask my advice on how to deal with this type of situation. I gave them the above advice. In all cases, the nurse confronted the bully directly and the behaviour stopped. You need to keep calm and not let her put you down in any way shape or form. She may try to deviate from the discussion (criticism can be hard to take) but keep reigning her back to the discussion

    Good luck!


    PS I don't know some of the terminology i.e. Don & CNA. Can someone explain?
  10. by   NRSKarenRN
    DON= Director of Nursing
    CNA= Certified Nursing Assistant
  11. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I know bullies. Well. I was a HUGE target for school and workplace bullies at earlier points in my life. (under about 25 years old). I had to learn that is was not about ME, but the other person and his or her intense desire for control over me and every situation.

    I was born to bullying and abusive parents and hence thought it was "normal" to be bullied by others I perceived to be bigger, older, more knowledgeable or powerful. I have since learned not to allow it and anyone who knows me at work or otherwise (as small as I am)---knows I will NEVER stand for anyone harassing or pushing me around. I don't have to be aggressive to get that point across, either. But I am assertive. No one bothers me now-----no one picks on me or puts me down. They may not like me, but they know I will never allow myself to be treated with anything less than respect.

    You know, I see a lot of people pushed around and it breaks my heart---some people I know intimately--- and I work to teach them to stop it for once and all. Eleanor Roosevelt was right: "We DO teach others how to treat us". It really IS that simple, at the end of it all. I have learned that for myself! And self-esteem plays a huge role, so if you lack it or are clinically depressed, I really urge you to get counseling and work on that. Many who are depressed or down on themselves are easy targets for bullies of all sorts. They are like "bully magnets", really. In the end, you can only change one person: YOURSELF. And you may not be able to change a toxic work environment, so for your emotional health, you may be forced to move on to one that is not so dangerous. I just urge anyone who suffers this to start today, to make changes---- if you are repeatedly bullied or harassed by anyone.

    I have posted below an excellent resource that discusses bullying at all levels: in the home, at work, in the schoolyard, etc. I have found it to be an excellent reference for my friends and aquaintances who are bullied, harrassed, belittled or feel threatened in any situation, (not just at work).

    It really comes down not letting the bully have power over yourself, in the end. You have to stand up for YOURSELF, after all is said and done. And know there ARE resources out there to help you on your way, if you are being harassed or threatened in any way at work or at home. You DO have legal recourse as well.

    http://www.bullyonline.org/

    Go there to find positive and helpful information and references to books, tapes, seminars, etc. that discuss/address dealing with bullies of all types. I hope this helps those who are on the unfortunate receiving end of bullying. Or if your kids are---this may help them, too! :kiss
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Nov 14, '04
  12. by   virmm1
    OMGh. I just checked out the bullyonline.org. I have been a victim of workplace bullying. I already knew this. Wht I didn't realize is that sx tht I am exhibiting could very well be the result of this. I no longer work in that office but the bully does. She fits alot of the psycho- sociopath behaviors on the site. I heard thru the grapevine that she was recently dxed bi-poplar.I left the job because of workplace stress. She was the straw that broke the camel's back.
    The office manager knew , I told her and showed her concrete proof of things this bully had done regarding lying and tampering with my work but she chose to do NOTHING. Its too bad, I wasn't in any shape to fight. I should have taken that garbage to HR. I probably would have ended up being made an azz . Nurse bully had endeared herself to darling mangager. Also noticed that DM also had some traits of being a bully.
    Its scary very scary tht these type of people work in a professions where they are supposed to be caring and helpful.
  13. by   LPN1974
    Mandi, she's jealous of you, I bet. You are getting an education and a career and she's jealous. She's a trouble maker for sure.
    You really need to document these things and report it to your supervisor.
    Good luck, I hope things get better for you.

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