Work place bullying . . . I am a victim now, and I am afraid to do any thing about it - page 4

This all started out not too long ago. I used to feel liked by almost anyone I worked with, but now, I feel, some one has daggers for me. It all started one day when I was doing a day shift, which... Read More

  1. by   CCU NRS
    Quote from OBNurseShelley
    Get some balls, stand up for yourself and quit your whining. Some people are mean, get over it.
    thats the way to show support, did you think she needed to be bullied in her thread about bullies?
  2. by   HarryPotter
    Quote from konni
    Mandi, I've definitely been in your place. When I was in nursing school, I worked at a hospital that had a program in place for nursing students to work as CNAs until their last semester of school, when they could intern in the area of their choosing (hopefully leading to employment after graduation). Well, I just couldn't hold out that long, after working with the "old" CNAs there and trying to handle the impossible patient load. Some of them were truly mean to me, and when they'd make the patient assignments (yes, that's right, the CNAs coming on would pick which patients they wanted), they'd give me all the total care patients and then I'd get b*tched out at the end of the 8 hour shift for not having bathed all twelve patients (8 or 9 of whom were total care) by myself with no turn help unless the patient weighed more than 200#. I remember the whole time I worked there, one CNA being nice to me. The rest were either awful or just ignored me. The nurses were in no way helpful either, and after that summer, I decided I'd work as a housekeeper for any other hospital in town rather than work as a nurse there.

    Back then I didn't stand up for myself either. I just took it. These days, thankfully, I don't have that many situations where I'm getting screwed and I have to stand up for myself. Most of the time I get treated fairly and it really makes a difference in my attitude. But I see a couple of the other nurses who are getting screwed, and I think maybe I don't get treated that way because I am assertive-acting enough that people don't try it, because they assume I won't put up with it.

    You have to learn to be tough and draw the line in the sand NOW, Mandi. I took an assertiveness training class in college, and even though I took it for an easy A, it really did help me. I practiced being assertive in areas where I had little to lose (for instance, in a restaurant when the waiter gets your order wrong, be assertive and ask to have them make it right) and gradually worked my way up to being assertive in all situations.

    And this sounds smug, but in 5 years, you'll be a RN, and she'll still be a CNA.

    Hi Connie:

    really great reply. Your obviously a very caring person to share yourself that way. The only thing I am wondering about is if you are seeing this behavior going on where u work, why don't you step in and make a difference?
    Please don't take that in the wrong way. I am not being critical.
    I had a situation like that at work, I saw my peers in tears, heads hanging low, being scapegoated, not participating, self-esteems at the bottom. I couldn't stand it, and approached my manager about giving a in-service about gossiping, excluding, talking behind peoples back, etc. It really made a difference. The people doing this behavior stopped (at least in public). The scapegoats regained a sense of dignity. The overall work environment is better (though I feel like the classroom moniter at times). My manager was very grateful (they do, for the most part, really care, but are so busy with policies, etc. that, I think, rely on our feedback as to whats actually going on people to people).
    I have a poll going on about bullying and would love for you to participate.
    I am in the process of gathering statistical evidence to be used in an educational class I will be doing on this topic.
    Thanks again for your generous reply to Mandi.
    Lynne.
  3. by   Antikigirl
    I work in a facility where CNA's do just about everything..including MED PASS! (Assisted living), and it is so very unfortunate that I see this TOO OFTEN! And instead of getting to do my job, which is the job of one nurse to 160 patients, I get to play 'lets go quell todays fight with my staff!'. I just can't see why we all just can't realize what we do we must do together for the patients! And if we can't work together...then we are at such a disadvantage to begin with...that rolls on to our patients!

    But since I do play "peacemaker" almost daily, I would suggest to talk to your administrator (our DON is not responsible for the CNA's directly..have to go through their manager first), and really explain the situation. That is what they are there for, to quell these probelms before they become a risk to patients! And do this before she makes you so nervous and upset that you forget something that could hurt a patient.

    When times like these happen, because frankly I am not comfortable at all with confrontations of any kind, I think of my patients and that gives me strength. I think of what this is doing to them...and it spurs a spark that gets me going! It gives me bravery to talk to my administration (some of them at least..others I don't have probelms talking to!) or other staff members.

    Heck..today I had a man SCREAMING at a caregiver in his underwear in the hallway! She was in tears over him freaking out over a 2 minute wait on his call light!!! I gathered my strength (I had just walked in the door, wasn't even clocked in!), and talked to him calmly but sternly that that was unexceptable...he started to yell at me and I told him that I would return in 5 minutes to discuss this when he was calm enough to talk to a professional...well that and I added that screaming at someone that wipes your bottom, cleans your clothes, takes you to meals, schedules your appointments and comes to your room at a pull of a string deserves a heck of a lot more than being screamed at! It worked..five minutes later he was devouring crow! And me...well truth be told I was shaking when I had to be strong..hope he didn't see that..LOL!

    Be strong...and remember, she treats people this way because obviously people have let her! Don't let her!

    Good luck!
  4. by   HarryPotter
    Quote from TriageRN_34
    I work in a facility where CNA's do just about everything..including MED PASS! (Assisted living), and it is so very unfortunate that I see this TOO OFTEN! And instead of getting to do my job, which is the job of one nurse to 160 patients, I get to play 'lets go quell todays fight with my staff!'. I just can't see why we all just can't realize what we do we must do together for the patients! And if we can't work together...then we are at such a disadvantage to begin with...that rolls on to our patients!

    But since I do play "peacemaker" almost daily, I would suggest to talk to your administrator (our DON is not responsible for the CNA's directly..have to go through their manager first), and really explain the situation. That is what they are there for, to quell these probelms before they become a risk to patients! And do this before she makes you so nervous and upset that you forget something that could hurt a patient.

    When times like these happen, because frankly I am not comfortable at all with confrontations of any kind, I think of my patients and that gives me strength. I think of what this is doing to them...and it spurs a spark that gets me going! It gives me bravery to talk to my administration (some of them at least..others I don't have probelms talking to!) or other staff members.

    Heck..today I had a man SCREAMING at a caregiver in his underwear in the hallway! She was in tears over him freaking out over a 2 minute wait on his call light!!! I gathered my strength (I had just walked in the door, wasn't even clocked in!), and talked to him calmly but sternly that that was unexceptable...he started to yell at me and I told him that I would return in 5 minutes to discuss this when he was calm enough to talk to a professional...well that and I added that screaming at someone that wipes your bottom, cleans your clothes, takes you to meals, schedules your appointments and comes to your room at a pull of a string deserves a heck of a lot more than being screamed at! It worked..five minutes later he was devouring crow! And me...well truth be told I was shaking when I had to be strong..hope he didn't see that..LOL!

    Be strong...and remember, she treats people this way because obviously people have let her! Don't let her!

    Good luck!
    Hi. Lynne here. I just wanted to tell u how much I appreciate your posts. You are a wise woman! I really mean it. I put u on my Buddy list.
    Have u noticed my posts re bullies at work, gossiping, etc. Have u gone to my poll about bullies? Would really appreciate your input.
    Nice getting to know u. Lynne.
  5. by   itsme
    this post originally from 2002, anyone heard how mandi is? havent seen her on here in a long time...
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I was wondering as well, itsme.
  7. by   boulergirl
    Wow, Mandi sounds a lot like me. I hope she's doing well, and getting some assertiveness.

    At my workplace I started out working on days. And like Mandi, I took a lot of crap from the others on day shift--they ended up getting me assigned to nights. It was either that or lose my job. :angryfire :angryfire They ran a LOT of people off. The only reason I kept my job was because the lady who helped me get this job fought for me every morning in the boss' office and told those girls to get off my back. After I was assigned to 11-7, the same girls kept harassing me because every little piddly thing wasn't done when they came in at 7 AM. But they're gone now, and I'm still there--as a shift supervisor. My co-workers on nights have more guts than I do, so I let them handle the day shift CNAs that chew them out, because they stand up to them and don't take their junk. (It seems like the bossy, critical CNAs find their way to day shift!) I have gained some assertiveness, and have stood up for myself on occasion, but have a long way to go.

    If Mandi's reading this, I would advise her to
    1.) Find another place to work ASAP if possible.
    2.) Find your voice. Practice assertiveness by being FIRM (not mean) with others who try to exploit you or make you feel stupid.
    3.) Read the book "Boundaries". It's a very good book on creating healthy boundaries in your life.

    In the meantime, I'll be reviewing the advice on this thread, because it looks like stuff I could use, too.
  8. by   Antikigirl
    Quote from lwelke
    Hi. Lynne here. I just wanted to tell u how much I appreciate your posts. You are a wise woman! I really mean it. I put u on my Buddy list.
    Have u noticed my posts re bullies at work, gossiping, etc. Have u gone to my poll about bullies? Would really appreciate your input.
    Nice getting to know u. Lynne.
    Thank you so very much!!!!!! I will look for those postings! Feel free to pm anytime , I like sharing stories...I feel it is very relaxing and you never know when a story will come in handy someday! I know I have learned from others stories, and to my benifit!!!!!
  9. by   kesneysmom
    Quote from FutureRN_Mandi
    I do want to stand up to her, but I just don't know what I can say without geting busted myself . . . I don't want to say hurtful things, but I want to make her leave me alone I just don't know how to go about it.


    First of all, you absolutely do not have to work in a hostile work environment an that is exactly what you are doing. I would bring it to your DON's attention and maybe you can have a meeting with her and the other CNA so 1) You have a witness as to what is said and done and 2) If you have a good DON she will back you up and let the women know that, that type of behavior will not be tolerated. If you feel safe in a private, controlled, environment behind closed doors you are more apt to speak your mind and take up for yourself which is what you need and should do. To be a good nurse you are going to have to get some thicker skin. I started nursing as an LPN at 18 and learned really quick that no matter what or who you have to take up for yourself and for your patients. If you think that girl is being mean and out spoken wait till you have to wake up a doctor in the middle of the night after he has had a bad day. As a R.N you will have to be a leader, what if that was an L.P.N that you were over????? Just something to think about. Hope it all works out!!
  10. by   purplemania
    The DON needs to know what is going on. If there is a trouble maker in the midst then good staff will not stay. It is better to get rid of the trouble maker. Unless you enjoy playing the victim role you need to learn to be more assertive. Good luck.
  11. by   HarryPotter
    Quote from TriageRN_34
    Thank you so very much!!!!!! I will look for those postings! Feel free to pm anytime , I like sharing stories...I feel it is very relaxing and you never know when a story will come in handy someday! I know I have learned from others stories, and to my benifit!!!!!
    Hi. Lynne here. will definately pm u. thanks. lynne:hatparty:
  12. by   HarryPotter
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    I was wondering as well, itsme.
    Well, what do u think??? any theorys???
    Lynne
  13. by   HarryPotter
    Quote from kesneysmom
    First of all, you absolutely do not have to work in a hostile work environment an that is exactly what you are doing. I would bring it to your DON's attention and maybe you can have a meeting with her and the other CNA so 1) You have a witness as to what is said and done and 2) If you have a good DON she will back you up and let the women know that, that type of behavior will not be tolerated. If you feel safe in a private, controlled, environment behind closed doors you are more apt to speak your mind and take up for yourself which is what you need and should do. To be a good nurse you are going to have to get some thicker skin. I started nursing as an LPN at 18 and learned really quick that no matter what or who you have to take up for yourself and for your patients. If you think that girl is being mean and out spoken wait till you have to wake up a doctor in the middle of the night after he has had a bad day. As a R.N you will have to be a leader, what if that was an L.P.N that you were over????? Just something to think about. Hope it all works out!!


















    Great reply, but I am wondering why so many Nurses think/believe that we need "thicker skins." I see that term used a lot on replys to Mandi.
    On a positive side, it could be because we are very sensitive people . On a more negative side, does having a thicker skin isolate u or make u more insensitive?
    And, isn't an option to thicker skins assertiveness and also altering the work environment to an environment of contributution, appreciation, self-respect, free of harassment of any sort? Have u participated in the bully pole. Sure would appreciate your participation.
    If you (any of u) want to read a wonderful book by the "Father of Management", read "The Essence of Peter Drucker." It will really inspire you. It certainly did me.
    lynne






    lynne
    I am conducting a poll on workplace bullies. Would really appreciate your participation.
    Thanks. Lynne

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