Wishing I wasn't an RN when it comes to sick family member.

avery, i hear you. i'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. it is really, really difficult being a nurse and knowing the situation from that vantage point, and also having to process all the emotions that go along with having a sick loved one. i am sorry for your father-in-law, and i hope those making the decisions for him will do their best to honor his wishes, even in the face of heartbreak and inevitable loss. i don't have anything helpful to offer, i just want you to know i am sending prayers your way. ((avery))

I don't have much either. The hospital's ethics committee may be able to help, since he did have advance directives in place. If theirs is like mine, if nothing else, they can help clarify the picture, answer questions, and open up discussions for his family. An ethics consult does not have to result in a specific decision.

Sorry for what you are going through.

sounds like a terrible situation.
However, don't forget that when people want to "go", they make it very clear. Have you considered that maybe he wants to hang on as long as he can (for what reason, we may not know)? If the patient isn't ready, it wouldn't be right for us to tell him it's the best thing because only the patient truly knows.

Yes, I understand the quality of life arguments (and sometimes they are valid), but we also have to remember that even if we think we would not want to live like that, we have to be open to the possibility that someone might want to take that over dying. Maybe they're scared to let go, maybe not -- who really knows.

I don't envy your situation -- I wish there were an easy solution, but we must let things happen on their own time and sometimes, it's not up to us to decide. All you can really do is be the source of information

I am truly sorry for your dilemma.

I'm sorry to hear what you are going thru. I don't know what to say that can help you. I was a cardiac nurse working on a telemetry unit when I was called to say my dad had a heart attack. He lives in another state and when I went to see him, he really only had mild chest pain and was admitted. Of course he went thru all the tests but when I was looking thru all the charts, I could see that he would develop other problems along the way.
The entire family would not listen to me. To make it short........in a few months he eventually had heart problems resulting in a pace maker.
I have come to the conclusion that just because you are a nurse, your family members don't regard you with the respect that you deserve. I don't believe that they see you as a professional. My advice is to just be supportive and be very brief in what you feel needs to be done. Your going to be right because of your experiences but your family will never understand what you go thru in your everyday life as a nurse. I think that they need to hear it from someone eles. In their mind, it gives them more hope. Don't take it personally.

I would suggest that you be direct and blunt with your husband, as this is his father in law. I do agree that if your step father in law made his wishes clear, and he has no quality of life, then starting on dialysis seems a questionable way to go. I know its not something I would want if I was in his state, and the majority of us nurses have seen some pretty rough family situations where the patient's wishes are not honored and the passing of a loved one is made more complicated, painful, and prolonged.

I wish you the best. You have to balance your step father in law's seeming readiness to pass, and the rest of your husband's family's acceptance of that. You don't want the family hurt by thinking they did not do all they could to help him, but you want the passing of your step father in law to be as respectful and comfortable as possible. Not an easy task and I wish you the best. Yet another reminder to all of us that these hard conversations need to take place, and documents need to be in order.

((((hugs))))
It is very difficult to know whats going on with a family member. I am currently going through that with my grandmother. Numerous health issues (CHF, renal failure, pneumonia, blood problems, recovering from HIT, diabetes, history of strokes and one major MI), she was just released from the hospital today after being in the hospital for 8+weeks. She refused (thank God) dialysis, and is staying in a nursing home for now. I fear she won't make it for much longer, but you can't tell that to my gpa.
My only advice is to love them as long and as hard as you can, and if and when it is their time to pass, be there for the family. You can't fix them, no matter how hard you try (believe me I have tried). So all you can do is hang on for the ride and hope that when its all said and done, the healing process will begin.
Know that when he passes, he will be in a better place, and will not be hurting anymore.
Again...((((hugs))))

So very sorry for your loss. As you stated, he is in a much better place, with no pain. God bless you and all of his family.....

So sorry for your loss; take care of your husband, and grieve with your family. Be kind to yourself.

Sending hugs and prayers to you, {{{{{{{{Medsurg}}}}}}}