I always have two nights off from the night shift. Tonight is my last night, then I work four nights in a row. I spent my first night obsessing that I had to return to school, that I had to take a class this semester, and that I shouldn't be "just an LPN". Instead of enjoying my night off, I actually have caused my system to become upset and now tonight I feel awful.
I tried to get into several classes, all of them are closed. I tried some more, they are closed. It seemed like a sign to me. Maybe school isn't for me. Yet, why remain a LPN for the rest of my life. "How awful..."
I was sitting here feeling yucky, then it came to me. "Why do we as nurses push ourselves so much?" Why isn't working as an LPN good enough? I love my job, I love LTC, and the elderly ladies and gentlemen I care for. They like me. Why couldn't I remain at a job I love, remain an LPN and retire there. What is so awful about that? I'm always learning on the job and at EC classes offered at the community college. I just received my IV Therapy Certificate in Dec 2003. I'm proud of that. It isn't an RN license, but it helped my career. So, learning never stops really, because I also learn at work and from my residents.
I want to stop pushing me. I'm 52, my sons are grown, my youngest turned 18 today. I have a pretty house, a wonderful husband, and I live in a city I love. Why are we never happy? Nurses have to learn how to relax. That's why we burn out so fast, that's why this board can get so negative at times. We are stressed to the max.
So, here it is. I want to be an LPN, making $18.30 per hour, (not bad for a 52 year old), I want to work and retire where I am, paint ceramics and landscapes and play in my garden. If the rain ever stops.
On my night off, if I want to, I will watch the DVD 1st season of Sex in The City, I just bought at Amazon
.com, cuddle with my husband, or watch a movie with my 18 year old and learn how to relax again.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for letting me vent. Writing it out helps alot.