Why Do We Push Ourselves? (Maybe long)

  1. I always have two nights off from the night shift. Tonight is my last night, then I work four nights in a row. I spent my first night obsessing that I had to return to school, that I had to take a class this semester, and that I shouldn't be "just an LPN". Instead of enjoying my night off, I actually have caused my system to become upset and now tonight I feel awful.

    I tried to get into several classes, all of them are closed. I tried some more, they are closed. It seemed like a sign to me. Maybe school isn't for me. Yet, why remain a LPN for the rest of my life. "How awful..."

    I was sitting here feeling yucky, then it came to me. "Why do we as nurses push ourselves so much?" Why isn't working as an LPN good enough? I love my job, I love LTC, and the elderly ladies and gentlemen I care for. They like me. Why couldn't I remain at a job I love, remain an LPN and retire there. What is so awful about that? I'm always learning on the job and at EC classes offered at the community college. I just received my IV Therapy Certificate in Dec 2003. I'm proud of that. It isn't an RN license, but it helped my career. So, learning never stops really, because I also learn at work and from my residents.

    I want to stop pushing me. I'm 52, my sons are grown, my youngest turned 18 today. I have a pretty house, a wonderful husband, and I live in a city I love. Why are we never happy? Nurses have to learn how to relax. That's why we burn out so fast, that's why this board can get so negative at times. We are stressed to the max.

    So, here it is. I want to be an LPN, making $18.30 per hour, (not bad for a 52 year old), I want to work and retire where I am, paint ceramics and landscapes and play in my garden. If the rain ever stops. On my night off, if I want to, I will watch the DVD 1st season of Sex in The City, I just bought at Amazon.com, cuddle with my husband, or watch a movie with my 18 year old and learn how to relax again.

    Sorry this is so long. Thanks for letting me vent. Writing it out helps alot.
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   HannasMom
    I just reread my signature line. I have to practice what I preach.
  4. by   NativeTexan
    My mom is 56 years old. She had one semester of college left and she would have had a Bachelor's Degree in teaching. But, my dad came home after 3 years in Vietnam, and she quit school, got married, and had 3 kids. She never went back to school. She makes about $9.00 an hour now, working as a clerk in our transplant clinic. She is quite content, loves her job, and has many friends. I should add that she babysat kids at our home during our growing up years so that she could be home with us and supplement my dad's income.
    Until very recently, I could not understand why in the world she quit college, or why she never went back. I also felt a lot of guilt over me making $30 an hour, and her making $9. But, I finally realized that she made her own choices. She is at peace with herself. She is always happy, always in a good mood. I can call her any time of the day or night, and she has a smile in her voice and is happy to talk.
    So, I guess what I'm trying to say, is, if you are happy and at peace with yourself, then be happy. ***Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent.***
    It takes all kinds of people in all kinds of positions to make this world go 'round. I think the people you care for are lucky to have you!

    And for the record, I have an Associates degree, and often, I second guess myself about getting my BSN. But, it's not the right thing for me to do right now. I would not make any more money. I do not want a management position. I would rather put that money in my daughter's college fund, until the time is right for me to go back to school. And, I don't WANT to go back to school right now! I keep all my certifications current, do CE freqeuntly. I don't think it makes me a bad person to not have a BSN yet!
    So, I'll keep reminding myself, and you keep reminding yourself, that "Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent!"
  5. by   teeituptom
    I have an AD in nursing
    Ive done Admin 16 yrs out of my career
    Now I am staff and loving it
    fewer meetings
    less stress
    more golf
    more golf
    did I say more golf yet
  6. by   rollingstone
    Sometimes patients comment, "Are you going to go on to become a doctor?" As if being a nurse in and of itself is not enough or just a "stepping stone" to something greater. I just smile and say, simply, "no." I'm not extremely wealthy and I'm certainly not poor, but I've got to tell you folks, my life is pretty RICH. To the OP: your life sound pretty good to me. Take care.
  7. by   CherryRN
    Your last paragraph said it all. You are happy being an LPN. LPN's are great! You are caring for the elderly and they need you!

    Be happy. Just, be happy. Do whatever makes you happy. Forget the "shoulds".

    I have.

    Be happy. All the best to you.

    Cherry
  8. by   traumaRUs
    I think life is way too short to do something you aren't happy with! I say go for it! Be a happy LPN! I was an LPN, did the ADN, will finish a BSN in May 04 and MSN in 05. However, I am doing it because I WANT to and that makes me happy. Be happy...

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