Why are the divorce rates among nurses so high? - page 5

THere's been several surveys and studies done on professions with the highest divorce rates. Among bartenders, entertainers and telemarketers, the nursing profession was one of them. Why? And... Read More

  1. Visit  LadyFree28 profile page
    0
    Quote from TiffanyLe

    Do you think that the nursing profession plays a role in this? Or is it just simply a woman's natural tendency to take care of others?
    It could be a little of both. But we have to remember that there we male nurses too. It could be an inclination to be proactive in being "an advocate."

    I survived DV, which started after I finished nursing school and bought I house. I knew the problems that this person was undertaking, and I didn't want NO parts of it...he was in a middle of a crisis, and didn't want to improve, and was having mental health issues. When he was undergoing severe psychological changes, I knew my life was in danger. We were childhood friends, so it was an extremely dangerous situation for my family. He also self-medicated with weed, which made it worse, AND sducidal. He had major issues in coping, I identified it, yet it was so dangerous, I knew it was going to be a challenge in leaving the relationship, which I did, yet he was dangerous, and reacted with gun violence...he is no longer alive.

    Even in hindsight five years fast forward, he had a fixation on me; who knows what would've happened to me, even if I was a friend only. I tried to be supportive, but I knew my safety was more important throughout the whole ordeal. I took an extreme chance to distance myself, but the danger never left until he became violent and committed suicide, with me being a survivor of gun violence.

    My example is a can be construed as morbid, but my example is that there are a ton of people who cannot manage their emotions and their personal lives; and poor communication skills.

    A relationship involves TWO individuals, a team that have ideas and concepts in life that each much respect. Those may change and be challenged, but not to the point that each person's livelihood and integrity is disrespected. That has to be at the forefront of the relationship, and communication must be a priority.

    If work must be discussed, let the vent last about 15 minutes; let your partner vent as well. Then be done about it...work is work, home is home. Plan to do things non-work related, travel with your loved one, even budget consciously if possible, whether it be at a beach or camping or an amusement park or horseback riding, or a road trip, to even going abroad at least ONCE in your lives; something to enjoy in the moment; also have the opportunity to do that separately as well. Value each other and the choices on the journey of your lives together as much as possible. Life is a series of issues and problems and is complex; it has been built like that before us, and certainly after us. You at least want an intimate connection, then make sure that the connection is a healthy one if it is going to be long-term, and lead to bringing children in the world...pass the knowledge on to them as well. Be well rounded as possible for yourselves and your family.
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  3. Visit  Mac7421 profile page
    0
    Wow... I didn't read every post, but most, and I found one major and important thing missing.... GOD. Now I have never been married, so scoff if you must. I was engaged for awhile, then she left (yeah SHE, male nurse here). Now that I found God, or should I say He found me, my eyes are being opened in so many ways. And don't fall into the perception that, "Come to Christ and everything is easy." Because it isn't. Through Christ one can just be better prepared for what comes. That said, if your marriage is on the rocks, or your looking at marriage now, I have one word of advice. Look up "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor. Most his stuff is on YouTube, so it's free. Being single now and watching the program made me realize what wrongs I was doing (relationship wise). Want a good marriage? Then it's not who or when you marry, but if God is TRULY in your marriage that will make it work.
  4. Visit  itsnowornever profile page
    2
    Quote from Mac7421
    Wow... I didn't read every post, but most, and I found one major and important thing missing.... GOD. Now I have never been married, so scoff if you must. I was engaged for awhile, then she left (yeah SHE, male nurse here). Now that I found God, or should I say He found me, my eyes are being opened in so many ways. And don't fall into the perception that, "Come to Christ and everything is easy." Because it isn't. Through Christ one can just be better prepared for what comes. That said, if your marriage is on the rocks, or your looking at marriage now, I have one word of advice. Look up "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" by Mark Gungor. Most his stuff is on YouTube, so it's free. Being single now and watching the program made me realize what wrongs I was doing (relationship wise). Want a good marriage? Then it's not who or when you marry, but if God is TRULY in your marriage that will make it work.
    No god here, never will be, and we are solid. Please don't preach.

    Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs!
    hiddencatRN and GrnTea like this.
  5. Visit  Mac7421 profile page
    0
    Quote from itsnowornever

    No god here, never will be, and we are solid. Please don't preach.

    Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs!
    You are absolutely correct. If God was here then this thread would never have started, much less be an issue. So my hope is my observation will bring His presence where it is need. Also, I was unaware that making an observation and suggestion was preaching. But if that's what it is, I'm glad I got the opportunity to do so. By your commenting, you brought this thread right back to "current" so it can be seen more readily by others. So I thank you greatly. I think that I struck such a nerve that you had to condemn my "preaching" means you were the one the message was meant for. I find it funny that we say "Thank God" when we pass exams, pass NCLEX, or get the dream job. And when we want something we "Pray for God's help" like He will magically change everything just like that. Then we confine Him to "just there, just now" and forget Him the rest of the time. I feel that if we strove to have Him more a part of our lives, then the rest would fall into place. Anyways, that's my take and opinion. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, doesn't mean we have to approve of each others. We just have to respect others may not feel or think the same way. That said, I'm not trying to offend you. Merely responding in kind. If I did offend you, then please except my apology, and I hope you have a pleasant day.
  6. Visit  TiffanyLe profile page
    0
    Quote from itsnowornever
    No god here, never will be, and we are solid. Please don't preach.

    Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs!
    I definitely see how this can sound preachy and agree with you. But Mac7421 brings up a good point that spirituality seems to be missing in times of extreme difficulty.

    @Mac7421 - Can you tell me more about your former relationship? Do you think your profession contributed to the breakup?
  7. Visit  TiffanyLe profile page
    0
    Quote from itsnowornever
    I'm married to a police officer- both careers have sky high divorce rates. How do we keep it together? We text and talk often. The one day a week we get to spend a full day together, we spend it TOGETHER. Sure, the house is a bit messy, dishes are undone, but what is most important is US!

    Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs!
    WOW! You and your hubs are definitely a rare breed. What other relationship tips can you provide for those with extremely demanding careers (i.e. law enforcement and nursing)? Do you ever find yourself talking about work to your hubs?
  8. Visit  LadyFree28 profile page
    0
    We also have to be mindful of how people express their belief system. No offense taken, but I do not make assumptions in the previous posts on what one's belief system.

    My personal belief system allow me to be able to walk away and survive an EXTREMELY dangerous situation, survive something that could've been fatal, and enter a healthy relationship, reflective of what I posted on what can be successful. I am comfortable enough to make my belief system in the form of actions and integrity; just because I (or anyone else in this post) declares or doesn't declare their belief system does not declare in neither superior nor inferior to the common thread befallen of the missteps in relationships that were not successful; it doesn't mean that they will not find one either; I believe in the exact opposite.
  9. Visit  Mac7421 profile page
    1
    Quote from TiffanyLe

    I definitely see how this can sound preachy and agree with you. But Mac7421 brings up a good point that spirituality seems to be missing in times of extreme difficulty.

    @Mac7421 - Can you tell me more about your former relationship? Do you think your profession contributed to the breakup?
    My profession contributing to my break up??? Yes and no. It was indirectly responsible. In my EMS days I saw some majorly gory things, and in my inability to know the correct way to cope I turned to drinking. My drinking is what caused the break up. Not that I was abusive or anything like that. It just became that when I wasn't working I was drinking which made me detached. I would come home and not want to talk about what I saw, then drink and still not talk. One day the build up (and her leaving) caused a total break down emotionally. Started looking for help, and that's when God found me (sorry if that's preaching again, but it is fact). Now I'm sober, new RN grad, just relocated and starting life over. So for me, God saved my life, my career, my future patients, and my future relationships (future wife I pray, and friendships as well). I am happier now knowing God then any drink ever made me. So forgive me if I appear overzealous in wanting to share what God (and nothing or no one else) gave me back. And that is my life. Thanks for asking.
    TiffanyLe likes this.
  10. Visit  TiffanyLe profile page
    0
    Quote from LadyFree28
    It could be a little of both. But we have to remember that there we male nurses too. It could be an inclination to be proactive in being "an advocate."

    I survived DV, which started after I finished nursing school and bought I house. I knew the problems that this person was undertaking, and I didn't want NO parts of it...he was in a middle of a crisis, and didn't want to improve, and was having mental health issues. When he was undergoing severe psychological changes, I knew my life was in danger. We were childhood friends, so it was an extremely dangerous situation for my family. He also self-medicated with weed, which made it worse, AND sducidal. He had major issues in coping, I identified it, yet it was so dangerous, I knew it was going to be a challenge in leaving the relationship, which I did, yet he was dangerous, and reacted with gun violence...he is no longer alive.

    Even in hindsight five years fast forward, he had a fixation on me; who knows what would've happened to me, even if I was a friend only. I tried to be supportive, but I knew my safety was more important throughout the whole ordeal. I took an extreme chance to distance myself, but the danger never left until he became violent and committed suicide, with me being a survivor of gun violence.

    My example is a can be construed as morbid, but my example is that there are a ton of people who cannot manage their emotions and their personal lives; and poor communication skills.

    A relationship involves TWO individuals, a team that have ideas and concepts in life that each much respect. Those may change and be challenged, but not to the point that each person's livelihood and integrity is disrespected. That has to be at the forefront of the relationship, and communication must be a priority.

    If work must be discussed, let the vent last about 15 minutes; let your partner vent as well. Then be done about it...work is work, home is home. Plan to do things non-work related, travel with your loved one, even budget consciously if possible, whether it be at a beach or camping or an amusement park or horseback riding, or a road trip, to even going abroad at least ONCE in your lives; something to enjoy in the moment; also have the opportunity to do that separately as well. Value each other and the choices on the journey of your lives together as much as possible. Life is a series of issues and problems and is complex; it has been built like that before us, and certainly after us. You at least want an intimate connection, then make sure that the connection is a healthy one if it is going to be long-term, and lead to bringing children in the world...pass the knowledge on to them as well. Be well rounded as possible for yourselves and your family.
    Thank you for sharing. You are extremely courageous beyond belief. I have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to leave a DV relationship, but it sounds like leaving it is just as difficult as staying in one. I applaud your strength.

    Do you think if you didn't go to nursing school and recognize the mental health issues, would you have been able to leave?
  11. Visit  LadyFree28 profile page
    0
    Quote from TiffanyLe

    I definitely see how this can sound preachy and agree with you. But Mac7421 brings up a good point that spirituality seems to be missing in times of extreme difficulty.
    ^I call it lack of integrity...if you have a solid foundation of (insert) belief system, moral compass and ethics, and you follow up on actions (more than words, IMHO-talk can certainly be CHEAP), willing to admit if there is a struggle within something that may challenge your system, but can be a learning experience, that us half the battle of being a pretty healthy individual. The rest of life is figuring out the day-to-day stuff, as well as any other crises that can come up along the way, and how to handle them appropriately enough in a relationship where success is the goal, and how it will continue to build character for the person, as well as the relationship itself.
  12. Visit  TiffanyLe profile page
    0
    Quote from Mac7421
    My profession contributing to my break up??? Yes and no. It was indirectly responsible. In my EMS days I saw some majorly gory things, and in my inability to know the correct way to cope I turned to drinking. My drinking is what caused the break up. Not that I was abusive or anything like that. It just became that when I wasn't working I was drinking which made me detached. I would come home and not want to talk about what I saw, then drink and still not talk. One day the build up (and her leaving) caused a total break down emotionally. Started looking for help, and that's when God found me (sorry if that's preaching again, but it is fact). Now I'm sober, new RN grad, just relocated and starting life over. So for me, God saved my life, my career, my future patients, and my future relationships (future wife I pray, and friendships as well). I am happier now knowing God then any drink ever made me. So forgive me if I appear overzealous in wanting to share what God (and nothing or no one else) gave me back. And that is my life. Thanks for asking.
    Thank you for sharing. Now I know why you're so crazy about God! I understand that men have the tendency to internalize a lot of things. I wish I knew how to internalize things too, sometimes I can't ever shut this mouth up! haha

    If you had to do it differently, what would you do? Would you still have worked as an EMT?
  13. Visit  itsnowornever profile page
    2
    Quote from TiffanyLe

    WOW! You and your hubs are definitely a rare breed. What other relationship tips can you provide for those with extremely demanding careers (i.e. law enforcement and nursing)? Do you ever find yourself talking about work to your hubs?
    We talk to each other all the time. Sharing the burden, the joys together is amazing. On the same day we each saved a life. I performed NRP on a 27wk premie, he tied a distraught teen to himself and a bridge so she wouldn't jump and used his weight to keep her up. I lost a baby and called him crying, he listened and soothed my aching heart. He has seen children abused in horrible ways, and I listen and soothe his heart. Don't let work absorb you, don't hide your fear, anger or joy. Share and ease the burden of each other and you will be strong.

    Posting from my phone, ease forgive my fat thumbs!
    GrnTea and TiffanyLe like this.
  14. Visit  Mac7421 profile page
    1
    Quote from TiffanyLe

    Thank you for sharing. Now I know why you're so crazy about God! I understand that men have the tendency to internalize a lot of things. I wish I knew how to internalize things too, sometimes I can't ever shut this mouth up! haha

    If you had to do it differently, what would you do? Would you still have worked as an EMT?
    Oh yes, I would done things differently, but being an EMT isn't one of them. I love what I do, that's why I went back to school for my RN. My drinking I wish I had never done. I came from an abusive home (just stating, not looking for pity) and knew I never wanted to do that when I had a family of my own. My belief (at the time) was by drinking myself stupid where all I could do was stare into the dark was protecting her. Internalizing is good "during" a situation, but you still need to be able to let it out at the appropriate time. That was were I messed up. I never let go, never talked about it. Now ladies, when talking to a guy that doesn't mean pressure him till he talks. He has to come to it on his own. When (and sadly sometimes "if") he talks then that's when it will be helpful. That's why I like Mark Gungor's series. Yes he is a pastor, but he doesn't go all religious on you. In fact he says in the first 5min he's not going to. He focuses on the marriage with some religion added as a guide. He's the one that said "don't pressure him to talk, he will when he's ready". The more she pushed to hear why I was upset, the more I drank. I'm not saying it's her fault, I'm saying we both contributed. If I wouldn't have drank, and she would have given me space till I could talk, then we would probably still be together. Now I know my faults, and what I need to do to correct them. Also, I know when in the future "wife hunt" haha what I need in a partner and what she would need from me as well.
    TiffanyLe likes this.


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