HELLO everyone! I'm in a bit of a sticky situation any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. I have a family friend (whom I have not spoken to in years) call me a few weeks ago basically begging for help since she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She states that she doesn't have anyone, family is not around, no friends etc.
Well, at that point in time she was not diagnosed with cervical cancer but had an abnormal pap.. She does tend to exaggerate and has a history of attention seeking behavior. Nonetheless, she was crying so much so I was there to support her.
Turns out, after getting a biopsy and the results, she does have cervical cancer. I have been there as much as possible taking time off of work and basically my life. Its hard because I know she is going through a rough time but all she does is spit out drama and cry about problems that have nothing to do with her cancer or her trying to get better.
She cries about how she has no one ,so she really really clings on to her 2 friends. I was not able to go with her to her biopsy because of work/school and I had to listean to her passive aggressive comments all weekend!!
Lastly, she went into an appointment today and she told me that the doctor stated she will have a D&C and will be down for 8 weeks so she will need me and her other friend to come over and help her. Does this sound right to you? My instinct tells me she is exagerrating and just wants as much attention as possible but I also feel so damn guilty for thinking this. My mind is so foggy after every time I talk to her because she just spits out verbal vomit. She has no friends, no one ever sticks around for this girl but I feel I should but I am just drained from her already.
There was many reasons why I stopped talking to her years ago and I know if it wasn't for her being sick, I would have not rekindled our relationship. This girl is a DRAMA magnet and has never been able to control her emotions.
What do I do??? Please help
Sometimes in our lives, someone latches on to us and will not let go....
Thus many of us have "friends" that are truly not friends but people that know us and cling on dragging us down into their abyss with them.
First remember why you lost touch. For reason or due to relationship "neglect", there was a reason. There is also probably a reason why there are no others to "help" her.
Second, recovery from a D&C does not require 8 weeks off work. If your friend sucks you in with that one, you will be in for it when the real heavy treatments come later.
Third, assess the cervical cancer situation. As in what stage, and what treatment needed. If the only treatment is a D&C, well, something does not sound right about that.
Cervical cancer is generally one of the more treatable cancers, if it is found early. Risk factors include HPV or multiple sex partners/early onset of sexual activity and can usually be ascertained on a routine gyn/pap exam. While it definitely can often happen in women that do not have those risk factors and aggressive forms can progress rapidly, it is definitely more common w/the above. While we should never "blame" people for disease/cancer, one does have to wonder whether she got her exams yearly, paid attention to the warning signs, have any risk factors, etc.
And while cancer is a scary disease, there are many good treatments out there, symptom control has gotten progressively better, and it is not an immediate death sentence in most cases. But some people will automatically behave as though it is and others will show them sympathy because cancer scares us.
But how to handle this....explain that you have limits, and set limits. Use your therapeutic communication training. When she starts doing the passive aggressive bit, call her on it, gently correct her on it and do not let her guilt you for having a life - that is your right. Remind her that YOU are helping HER , something that you are not obligated to do.
Last edit by caroladybelle on Mar 6, '09