Quote from monkeybug
My job now is as close to stress-free as you can get and still be working, but I only recently left the hospital, and there the stress had pushed me to near-breakdown level. I could handle the actual patient care, the physicians, my coworkers, and even the new computer charting we had started. What I could not handle was my manager and administration. Nothing was ever right or good enough. (not just me, this applied to all the nurses). Nothing positive was ever said. Every time the phone rang and the unit secretary answered and then said "Monkeybug, Manager From Hell wants to see you in her office." I would get physically sick. What now? was always the thought. Everyone was miserable, nurses with 20+ years experience were leaving because of the manager, we had brand new nurses coming in and trying to learn. Breaks were rare. I never, ever had an uninterupted lunch, and there were many shifts where I didn't get to pee for 8 hours.
There were NEVER enough nurses on shift. We went 5 months without a scrub tech and the minimum staffing. I will never forget the day that two of us were in the OR doing a c-section and the House Supervisor came to the door of the OR and asked "what fluid do I hang on the new patient?" What new patient?? We new there was only one nurse left on the unit (that's what happens when there are only 3 nurses scheduled and a c-section comes in, someone has to scrub and someone has to circulate), we didn't know that while we were back there THREE patients had come through the door, one of whom was 8cm and a multip. The House Supervisor, bless her, had answered my frantic coworker's plea for help and come even though she was totally out of her element in L&D. We heard later that the unit secretary and House Supervisor had managed together to get one patient on the fetal monitor, it was a first for both of them. House Supervisor asked had we called our manager. Nope, wouldn't do any good. I guess she didn't believe us, so she called her. "Why is she not answering her phone or pages??" says HS. Because it's Sunday, and Manager From Hell refuses to answer during their 5 hour long church services because that's her "time with Jesus." Gee, I was told that the nurse manager position was 24/7, but apparently that doesn't apply to her. HS was livid, but it was just the same old same old for us.
I have become one of those experienced nurses that fled. I miss laboring patients, I miss my coworkers, and I miss most of the doctors. I do not miss being treated like a waste of oxygen. When I turned in my notice, she didn't acknowledge it at all until I got Human Resources involved. You'd think years of service would at least get you a phone call when you leave. Several doctors told me that they hated to see me go, but not a word from MFH.
I'm trying to learn to let it go. I have the world's most perfect job now, and I should enjoy it, but it's hard to forget all that happened.
I know how you feel. I've had people do some horrible things to me over the year (in life in general) that they never apologized for or were held accountable for. I think that is why its hard to let it go-they get away with it. But, in this world all we can control is our reaction to it. Don't pretend it didn't happen, as some will say, or stop venting about it prematurely, as others may say, you know the comment "Let it go and just quit talking about it" which usually means "I don't want to hear you talk about it" from the one who says it. if you still need to get some steam out of your system. do it. Journal, talk, examine it from all angles until YOU are ready to put it aside. With time, it will become a remote memory. It will always be something unfortunate that happened and wrong, but you will see your current blessings are so great that you can live with the wrong that happened. I think its great when we learn from what others do and make sure we don't do the same-we stop the cycle.
Don't mean that all to sound so preachy. It's just what I've learned over the years from life. For example, in my twenties, my inlaws tried to run me off and all kinda of lies and horrible stuff were done. We stopped seeing them for 5 years and moved out of state. It took a death for us to come back. No one apologized or owned up to the lies. They were just thrilled we were back and swept it all under the rug. Now, I found myself in the surreal position of being at a family reunion last year, surrounded by these same people (we still live out of state and don't see them often) and the memories came back. But you know what? They didn't run me off (we've been married 26 years) and I have my head high because I know they were lies and they know they were lies and I'm still standing. Still happened though and I shake my head sometimes when I remember the state it used to put me in, the days I sat at the table wondering if I was gonna break, but couldn't cause I had kids to take care of. Flash forward, 15 years and my oldest is a freshman in a military college who is being hazed. And, I had to go toe to toe with the retired military types who were letting it happen. And any report of the hazing put his physical safety at risk cause he had to go back and live in the barracks with those he turned in for hazing, or just live with the hazing. His safety, his scholarship and his mental well being were on the line because when they found they could no longer hit him and torture him, they switched to making him an outcast by punishing anyone who was his friend with the same hazing he received. It took awhile to get me to be able to look at a graduate from that school without giving them a piece of my mind! They all have blood on their hands out there. They have a long history (over a hundred years) of hurting people-some have even died. But, we removed him after his freshman year, his mental state was in tact and so was his scholarship and he graduated in 2010 from another college with his degree in hand and an honor student.
Bottom line: just keep trucking, no matter what gets in the way. That's the best way to get over life's injustices.
(stepping off podium now)