What is the dumbest order you ever read?

Had a patient who was about 8 hours post op from a bilateral hernia repair. Pt hadn't been able to void except for a very scant amount of urine (20?cc's, maybe). I called the surgeon and told him. He said that if he hadn't voided in 2 hours, to straight cath him. I went to write the order, and I wrote: If pt does not void in 2 YEARS, straight cath. I about peed my pants when I saw what I had written. He probaly would have gotten a tad miserable by that point..

haha

That one reminds me of an order for some kind of ointment which I can't recall at this moment, but the order read apply bid for 10 years instead of 10 days....
hardy har har

On a rehab unit I worked, The day charge wrote we should document "nature of flatus" on all patients.

Oh, dear. Did you get out the thesaurus and start looking up synonyms for "explosive" and "musical" and "silent-but-deadly"?

My all time favorite order was for a man who had the most swollen testicles and penis I had ever seen. Third spacing kind of look, just in his package. Doc ordered a urology consult. The urology guy comes in and orders "Have nurse put hand pressure first on the testicles, and move upward to the penis, holding pressure for 5-10 min total, q 30 minutes X 4 hours." The idea was to push the excess fluid back into the body, I think.
I had to go in and hold the man's package and just stand there, pressing on various parts of it. Looking for something to converse about while I did this, the patient told me he always regretted not being circumcised. He then went on to tell me that he hadn't been touched there by a woman in a long time. "It has been about 25 years since I got any tail".
I finished shortly afterward and asked another nurse to spell me in my squeezing routine after that......

60 mgs tylenol iv q4 prn........

"please check VS q4h"
"please check temp q4h"
"please check BP q4h"
"please check pulse ox and respers q4h"
"please check heart rate q4h"
"please place on continious oximeter"

yes those last 6 were 6 seperate orders, written on the same pt. by the same resident all at the same time......what do they think we do when we check vitals.....and you either want the oximetry/heart rate checked q4 or continous......

"strict i/o"---i was actually going to make them up, thanks for clarifying"

"call HO for temp over 38.7, oximetry less than 88%, and seizure activity lasting over 5 minutes"....thanks for clarifying.....

Well, ya know, those four-and-a-half minute seizures are hardly even worth charting, much less calling the doc...

(psst--welcome back, LeAnn!)

(psssst....thanks susan i missed you guys!)

PT to brush teeth QD

Change pt linen q3 days, (How about QD?)

Remove every other altenating staple