What is the dumbest order you ever read?

Chapstick prn.

Do not allow this triple lumen to be accidentally pulled out.

Keep the penis elevated. (hmmmm)

Open drapes at 0600.

Do not put sticky notes on the front of my charts. (an actual order on a chart)

Thin this chart.

On the same page of orders:
Time = 2000

*Vital signs q4.
*Flagyl 250mg po q8 hours. First dose now.
*CBC, CMP in am (our docs want labs drawn at 0500 so results are in
when they round at 0600)
*Please allow patient to sleep between the hours of 0000 and 0600.
(So which do we follow doc?? VS at 2, Flagyl at 4, labs at 5? Or let her sleep?)

We had a doc that would only order mineral oil in juice po for constipation. Yuck.

Mountain Dew po with meals.

Doc orders morphine for a patient with a pulled muscle in her back. I call back to see if we can maybe get her a muscle relaxer as the Morphine is not working.... He says "Sure, do whatever you want." Was serious, not sarcastic. I was like "So ummmm, what med?" "What do you think?" he says. I pause... "Ummmm, maybe Flexaril 10mg po q8prn??" "Good, we'll go with that!" he says. "Thanks!" he says.

This was the order I had a few days ago:

"No new orders"