What do you think of this cover letter?

Nurses General Nursing

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I am working on a good cover letter for my job search for a job in L&D. I was trying to make a good sounding one, not one that is just cookie cutter boring.

I will cut and paste the letter. obviously, i will xxx out any identifying details, and my name/addy/contact info is at the top, but i wont be posting that part of the letter, of course!

please give me honest opinions-i haven't turned in this letter to anyone, as i am trying to perfect it.

thanks

July 9, 2006

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing in reference to your RN position listed on xxx's website for the full time Labor and Delivery RN, for the shift of 7a-7p. I am extremely interested in becoming a member of your team.

I think I would make a wonderful addition to your nursing staff. As you can see in my resume, I am a May 2005 nursing school graduate and have worked in the cardiac surgery progressive care unit ever since. Although this is not obstetrical in nature, I believe that my experiences here will qualify me for this position.

Working in a fast paced unit, I have learned to adapt quickly, make quick decisions, manage busy patients, do extensive patient and family teaching, work with patients who have the ability to "go bad" at any time, all of which I think would also be applicable in the obstetrical setting.

I am a quick learner, enjoy learning new things on the job, do not shy away from difficult assignments, and have a knack for relating to patients and their families.

I have always wanted to work in labor and delivery, since my rotation through your L &D department in nursing school. If you were to offer the job based on enthusiasm/excitement alone, I'd be the nurse for you!

If you hire me, I will dedicate myself to learning all I can, and working hard to maintain the high standards you set for your unit.

Again, my current experience is not OB, but I hope that my great performance at my current job, my accomplishments (as noted on resume), references, my being a current xxx employee, and my sheer excitement and desire to become a Labor and Delivery nurse will help you come to same conclusion that I already have: I am the right nurse for this job.

Thank you,

Overall your letter is fine, I would just fine tune a little bit:

Instead of "If you hire me" I would say "As an employee on your unit, I will dedicate myself....etcetc

Instead of "I hope to hear from you" Try "I very much look forward to hearing from you in order to schedule an interview"

Instead of 'I have always wanted to work in labor and delivery, since my rotation through your L&D department in nursing school, because your department was very educational, your nurses professional, and I felt it would be an excellent environment in which to work and to learn. That clinical rotation spalrked that desire to be an OB nurse.

Try: I was fortunate to attend my clinical rotation in your department, and I was very impressed with the level of professionalism found there. I feel that your L&D floor offers a great environment for the new nurse, and in fact, my desire to become an OB nurse is directly related to the wonderful experience I had in your department.

Instead of: I think I would make a wonderful addition to your nursing staff. As you can see in my resume,

Try: I would be a wonderful addition to your nursing staff. As you see from my attached resume....

I always then sign my letters with something nice and cheery. I usally end by saying "Thank you so very much for your consideration. Have a wonderful day!"

I know its not professional, but its nice.

Call them about 3 days after they have received your letter to tell them how excited you are to apply or however you want to say it, and ask if you can make an appointment to meet.

Good luck!!

0 Votes

Great suggestions!

A personal pet peve of mine is confidence (which you sound like you've got going for you! :) ) The first line of the second paragraph, I suggest changing "would" to "can" and then in the next sentance change "can" to "will". Aslo, in the last sentance of the third paragraph, I suggest changing "..would be applicable.." to "...will be..."

Best of luck to you! You've put together a good letter.

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Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

One small suggestion; in several instances in your letter, you use a comma followed by the word ''and''. The purpose of a comma used in this context is to replace the word ''and'', so using both is redundant. Honestly, I hate the grammar police and I don't think this would make or break your chances to be hired, but since you did ask for input and since this is such an important letter, just thought I'd throw in my :twocents:

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