What do I say to rude patients?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I was curious what some of you would have said in this situation. I had a patient that had very unrealistic demands, was not not happy no matter what I did. I spent all morning calling the doctor and the supervisor etc. trying to please him and get all his complaints addressed. He was rude and insulting to me every time I entered the room, but I continued to be calm and polite to him. He called me stupid to my face and told me I had been f&*&ing up all day. I didn't say anything to him but I kind of wish I did. But then he probably would have just asked to see my supervisor again. I did not make any errors and he did get good care despite how hostile he was to everyone. I was taking the patient downstairs for a test in a wheelchair and his wife was with us. When we got in the elevator, he and his wife started to talk about me as if I wasn't there, talking about how I lied to him and messed everything up and he got terrible care. None of what they were saying was even true. It was the longest elevator ride ever and I felt so uncomfortable being talked about like that. I didn't say anything then either because I just didn't know what to say. I have met alot of rude people in this job but this situation just astounded me. Couldn't they wait until they were alone to talk about me? I would never think of talking about someone right in front of them as if they weren't there. My hands are shaking writing this because the whole thing still has me so upset.

Defending this patients behavior in just wrong. This patient is a bully, who is taking his frustration out on you. He's upset about something in his life and he's taking his lack of control out on you. Patients like this contribute to the Nursing shortage. Nurses just get sick and tired of having to deal with rude people. Unfortunately these patients take up too much of our time and our other patients get shortchanged. Be polite, but set limits, if your doing your job they have no right to treat you like this.

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This might not have been very professional of me, but I have made this statement to a rude and abusive patient who was giving every staff member the blues:

"If you don't like this facility, feel free to go somewhere else for your care."

facilities frown at nurses who encourage pts to take their business elsewhere.

take it from someone who has done this.

i don't recommend it.

but if i know that i am providing excellent care and being sensitive to the needs of my pt, i will sympathize w/their frustrations but simultaneously let them know i will not take their abuse.

with that, i encourage them to punch a pillow (but not to mess up their iv)

leslie

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HI

I refuse to put up with abuse. Simply say something like "I understand your frustration at being ill and can emphasize, but I've done what I can to make your stay as comfortable as possible. Please understand that this is what happened (explain your steps to correct his 'issue') and I'm happy to help as much as I can--but I'm not here to be verbally abused."

And the biggie--while it's still fresh in your mind--DOCUMENT and document some more. There's a saying in the healthcare field -- if it isn't written down, it didn't happen.

May tomorrow be a better day!

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Specializes in ER; HBOT- lots others.

I would say, I am doing the best that I can as your nurse today, i need you to work with me to do the best that we can to solve you issues. we need to figure out all the issues that are concerning you and write them down and put them in an order that will be acceptable for the both of us. (reminding the pt and wife that you have OTHER pt's as well) ask what is the 'front burner' issue for you right now that i can help you with? ( you can only start with one thing, get your charge nurse involved and the md's like you did) (you may need to tell the pt that you realistly wont be able to solve every single thing in your shift. tell him the plan for the day and go from there) (you need to speak up for yourself and say that it is NOT acceptable to call you any female or any staff names as such what he said to you)

I am sorry as well that you have days like this. I had one myself today that i came home and about cried. my hands were shaking horrid because i was so mad and upset about the pt issues and how he was as well as situ like attitude like yours. I really hope that you can calm down. You will learn from it, believe it or not, and i hope you can get a little thicker skin from it! lol

-h-RN

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Specializes in CTICU.

Some people are just a-holes. I would not be able to keep my mouth shut if they were talking about me in the elevator though. I would have to say something. Why should they get away with it and think it's acceptable?

Having said that, I have one mean old lady who is a regular patient we have to deal with. She's a bit nutty. Did not like me the first time she met me - would be nice enough to my face, and then doged to the other staff about how terrible I was (had been nothing but nice to her). So I said "Look, I will get whatever you want and help in any way I can, but I will not be spoken to that way". She backed off and denied saying anything (?nuts?). We used to take her to the cafeteria for lunch to get her out of her room - rather than saying "thanks", she'd say "you're late!" when you arrived. After a while, I refused to take her. I said I don't do favors for people who are so rude.

Stand up for yourself, and don't give the impression that this is acceptable treatment, or they'll do it to the next nurse too.

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In your head? "How about a nice cup of shut the f... up!" ;)

That said, let's attack this in a more level-headed manner. As some on here may know (and perhaps dislike me for), I have a Type A personality. :)

I can only imagine how upsetting this must have been for you. As you know, some people simply do not handle illness well. And that is to be expected. However, that can only be an excuse for so much. Assuming this man doesn't not have dementia or a psych dx, this is abuse by a cognitively competent person. You wouldn't tolerate this outside of your work. It is not part of the nurse's code of ethics to accept abuse either. It's shameful how some patients treat the very people who care for them.

In this case, I simply would have asked the patient if they preferred another nurse to care for them. It's also entirely possible that they had some personal irrational issue with you (you look like their mother whom they hate, they hate minorities, you look too young to be a nurse, etc.) and nothing will remedy the situation other than another staff member. Sometimes it's best to bow out if you can. I'm not one of those people who thinks of trying to win over a tough patient as a 'challenge' that you can feel good about later. If they are going to be downright abusive, know that you do not have to take that. Honestly, I'd rather be fired then lose my integrity.

See my other post on being abused by cognitively aware patients. I've dealt with a few, and I say no more.

Joking with them can help, but it's a touch and go situation. If they're grumpy because they're nervous and embarrassed about their care, it often breaks barriers. If not, it can backfire. Tread with caution. So I generally don't recommend this, but some nurses just have that 'gift', in which they always know what to say. Aside from finding them a new nurse (trade patients if possible), or having a supervisor deal with them, you can also just stop feeding the troll and say nothing to them other than the basics (i.e. "this medicine is for your pain"). Don't try to 'be nice', don't try to go out of your way. They could also be one of those strange people who needs to be put in their place and then they suddenly become nice. We all have heard of someone like that. While you can't tell him off mid-shift, simply remaining distant may do the trick.

There comes a point where you have to step back and say that nurses do not deserve to be treated like punching bags by rude patients. Normally I tend to side with the patients, as most are sick, scared, lonely, embarrassed, etc. But in this case, it appears to be blatant abuse. No one should put up with that, period.

P.S. He could also just be one of those 'complainer' types who whine about everything and and anything no matter what. While you'd like to tell them that you'd send them to Africa and GIVE them something to complain about, realize that this is common. Many of us on here complain about nurses who complain, for example...;) Please, do not take this personally, even though that is your first reaction.

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Specializes in Psych.

It amazes me how unrealistic some patients are about how much attention they should receive. We are not their personal assistants, sent there to hold their hand and listen for an hour about how tough it is to be sick in the hospital. A man in his 50's was complaining to me at 7:30 am that when he was admitted at 5:30, he didn't get enough attention. He said that all the nurse wanted to do was fill out his admission assessment and wouldn't "talk" to him. Is that weird or what? I started to explain that the assessment should cover all his issues and be an avenue to "talk" (he means just listen to him whine) but he cut me off and said, "oh, I know how it works, everyone just cares about the paper and not the people". This is a grown man talking. And he signed out AMA later in the day, after he felt that the doctor that saw him didn't spend enough time with him. Even though it was tough (I had an ICU transfer to take care of), I had actually spent extra time with him that day, reassuring/listening/taking his stuff and all for nothing. It's hard. I don't have any answers, I share your frustration.

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

I've told people point blank, "I have not been rude to you, I have not treated you with anything but respect. There is no reason for you to speak to me that like that."

Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Home Health.

I've dealt with this once in my current job. One resident has a wife from Hell. She though that her husband should be treated like the only patient (we had 26 other patients, 2 nurses, and 2 aides). If his 4:00 pills came at 4:15, she was outraged.

One night, she kept saying "He needs help!", but wouldn't say more. Yes, English is her first language. An aide responded. I was the charge nurse, dealing with a power outage. When I finally got there (carrying a bunch of lanterns), she was incensed. She started screaming "What is wrong with you people! I've been ringing for 10 minutes! He needs help!" When I asked what had happened, she replied "I don't know! You're the nurse! I'm not part of the care team!" Very calmly, I replied. "Wife, I'm trying to help your husband, but you're not giving me much information. An aide is with your husband, I'm going to talk to her now." Then I turned and talked to the aide. Wife seemed surprised, but didn't say anything more."

I used to work in a call center, and I got quite a few people who thought profanity would get things done faster. I always responded "If you're going to use foul language, I'm going to have to end this call." Sometimes they ended the call, sometimes I put the caller on hold (the calls would bounce back after 2 minutes), but most of the time I got an apology.

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Specializes in LTC.

This may be off the topic a bit, but what is about our society that implies that it is okay to mistreat or be mean to someone else? I would like to understand this pervasive attitude in American society. Any ideas? I know I'm up there is in years, but I remember the golden rule, "Treat others as you would like to be treated." I would appreciate any thoughts on this observation.

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.
This might not have been very professional of me, but I have made this statement to a rude and abusive patient who was giving every staff member the blues:

"If you don't like this facility, feel free to go somewhere else for your care."

Our doctor has said just that to several pts and families.:bowingpur

1 Votes
Specializes in Med-Surg.

Thanks everyone for your helpful replies. I feel a bit more confident now that next time I will be able to stand up for myself in this situation.

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