OK, everybody, I'm at it again. More whacked-out humor and bizarre venting. Nobody ever accused me of being sane! Here goes...
Once upon a time, there were three Med-surg nurses who worked very hard and tried to take the best care possible of their many patients. One day, they happned to notice that many of their patients were developing toenail fungus!
Nurse 1: How are we to deal with this Toenail Fungus problem?
Nurse 2: We need an Evidence-based Toenail Care Policy and Procedure! But how are we to get one? We have eight patients each. By the time we leave work, we are too pooped to write policies.
Nurse 3: I heard once long ago that if you dance naked by the light of the moon in a quiet and empty field, you can conjure up a fairy who will answer your wish.
Nurse 1: Well, we're in a concrete-surrounded mid-city jungle of a hospital. How about if we dance naked by the light of the linen closet bulb?
Nurse 3: I'm not sure what quality of a fairy we'll get, but it's worth a try.
So the three nurses danced in the harsh, flickering light of the medroom bulb. And behold, a young, bright-eyed little fairy with a crooked wand appeared.
Fairy: Hi! My name is Twinkle. I'm only in my second year of fairy school, but what can I do to help out?
Nurse 2: We're so glad to see you! We need an Evidence-based Nursing Policy on Toenail Care to combat our fungus problem. Can you wave your wand and create one?
Twinkle the Fairy: The wand doesn't get batteries until my third year, so I'll have to do this the hard way. Give me about a month to do reseearch, and I'll check back.
One month later in the linen closet:
Twinkle the Fairy: Whew! Well, guys, that wasn't easy. There isn't a whole lot out there about Toenail Care, and some of it was contradictory, but I've hammered out the best policy and procedure I could.
Nurses: Thank you so much! We'll start right away using it...
Change-resistant Spider (In a booming voice): Not So Fast!! You still have to negotiate the dreaded Web of Committees before you can put your policy into effect.
Nurses: Oh woe! Does this mean we don't get our policy?
Twinkle the Fairy: Look guys, I don't know what exactly the Web of Committees is, but a Wish is a Wish. Let me get back to you on this.
Six months later in the linen closet:
Twinkle the Fairy: Guys, I'm so sorry, but this was a lot tougher than I thought. I've been to the Medical Committee, the Surgical Committee, the Infection Control Committee, the Critical Care Committee. Each committee has wanted changes, and then I've had to take the changes back to all the other committees. But I think I'm nearly...
Spider: You still haven't cleared the Oral Care Committee.
Nurses: But the Oral Care Committee doesn't do Toenail Care!
Spider: Actually, we're looking at using the same brushes for oral care and for toenail care. Saves $$, you know.
Nurses and Twinkle : (Whimpering)
One year later, in the center of a huge spider's web:
Twinkle: Well, I've negotiated all of the committees except this last one, the Medical Staff committee. Then I can take my policy back and tell the nurses that their wish is granted. (Approaches the huge spider at the center of the web). Oh, great Medical Director, I've come to humbly submit my Toenail Care Policy...
Medical Director Spider: Rejected!
Twinkle: But you haven't even looked at it! It's Evidence-Based, and the result of a year of work...
Medical Director Spider: Doesn't matter. It's the concensus of this committee that no Toenail Care shall be performed without a Podiatrist Consult and a direct Physician Order.
Twinkle: (Weeping) But you never cared about Toenail Care before! This isn't fair! And what shall I tell the Nurses in the Linen Closet?
Medical Director Spider: Don't worry, we'll handle it. (Flattens Twinkle with a flyswatter). Now fellow spiders, we must send out a memo that absolutely no policies will be planned, written or even thought of without our express permission...