Trouble Makers - page 2

Why is it that there is always that one person who feels it is necessary to spread rumors and talk about everyone? I cannot stand it when people gossip. It drives me absolutely crazy when I hear... Read More

  1. by   BBFRN
    Here's what you do: Confront her as a group. Bring up all the lies she has said about each of you, back each other up right there on what she said, and watch her squirm. I've done this a couple times and it worked. She'll either quit the gossipping or quit the job. A win-win situation, if you ask me.
  2. by   steelcityrn
    The way to handle a trouble maker is to call them on the carpet. Make your point across in a professional manor, explain to them that working conditions can only improve if their attitude does! Mention that a team is not a team with a opponent!
  3. by   casualjim
    I kind of dig my lip, therefore I seldom bite it. When someone has something to say about me they can repeat it in my presence, or stop it.
    aloha
    Jim
  4. by   destiny5
    Quote from firstyearstudent
    I often use humor with these types. I will highjack the conversation by making a bizarre comment that vaguely and critically addresses what they said but isn't confrontational. It throws them off-balance and defuses the intensity of their remarks.

    "Did you hear so and so made a med error?"

    "Really? Personally, I don't consider it an error unless the patient dies. Heh heh."

    Another strategy with negative people and gossip mongers is to quickly look for an opening in the conversation and then don't stop talking. Even gossips can't stand a bore.

    "Did you hear so and so made a med error?"

    "Really? That reminds me of an E.R. rerun I saw last night. That nurse, what's her name, the one with black curly hair, she was taking care of a patient and she gave him the wrong blood! Then just this morning I heard on the radio that Rite Aid is offering new color coded lids for their prescriptions so that family members won't mix up their meds. What do you think of that? I would probably pick blue, It's my favorite color. Well, it's my favorite color now. I used to like green...."
    Or everytime someone gets in your face to gossip you could interrupt them and ask for HELP. That'll get them out of your face and probably keep them out.
  5. by   gentle
    Quote from firstyearstudent
    I often use humor with these types. I will highjack the conversation by making a bizarre comment that vaguely and critically addresses what they said but isn't confrontational. It throws them off-balance and defuses the intensity of their remarks.

    "Did you hear so and so made a med error?"

    "Really? Personally, I don't consider it an error unless the patient dies. Heh heh."

    Another strategy with negative people and gossip mongers is to quickly look for an opening in the conversation and then don't stop talking. Even gossips can't stand a bore.

    "Did you hear so and so made a med error?"

    "Really? That reminds me of an E.R. rerun I saw last night. That nurse, what's her name, the one with black curly hair, she was taking care of a patient and she gave him the wrong blood! Then just this morning I heard on the radio that Rite Aid is offering new color coded lids for their prescriptions so that family members won't mix up their meds. What do you think of that? I would probably pick blue, It's my favorite color. Well, it's my favorite color now. I used to like green...."
    Actually, I regularly use both of these techniques. I can't say that improves my reputation among employees or my supervisors; however, I can say that it does help to keep me out of the gossip loop. Something else that I do is to try to talk about new things I have learned that impact the field of nursing.

    I prefer these types of communication all though I really do go wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy overboardddddddddd with my crazy sense of humor. I guess for me it is a little better to be a nut than to harm others with gossip or be involved with the mess.

    Hey, I'm sorry OP, I didn't address what you said. Okay, I have found myself in a sticky situation as well. I kept my mouth shut only to have that choice tear down my own soul. I tried to make friends with the enemy, only to discover that I am quite okay as is. In addition, if I ever find myself in this situation again, I will definitely be changing jobs. No one should ever have to feel bullied or "put-down" at work.
  6. by   SueBee RN-BSN
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    I figure it this way, if people are gossiping, then something (or the whole thing) about their own life must suck, and gossiping about others is their only way to feel better. That would be a sad (pathetic) way to live.
    So true, and it's best to tell the gossip'er just what you have written here, infront of others this person has hurt. The best way to deal with people like this is open and direct. The gossip'er is not open and direct.
  7. by   SueBee RN-BSN
    Quote from onechattynurse
    sometimes these things can go too far. i was working at a facility with a group of staff that were notorious for gossiping and causing problem for those that were outside their clan.

    i once went to a convention and while i was gone someone decided to call my husband and tell him that the reason i went was to cover up the fact that i was having an affair. (i absolutely was not) he then started getting emails graphically detailing my supposed infidelity.

    there was one employee that had my husbands email address (because i gave it to her so she could forward on a joke to him) but she was the only one. this actually went on for a few weeks and worsened in intensity.

    the joke was on them as my husband and i have a very strong relationship and this incident only made it stronger. my point is though, this type of behavior can escalate into much bigger problems than "just gossiping" if left unnoticed.

    i ended up getting a great job offer and left this job abruptly as i just could not take any more. i really don't think that was the best solution for the actual problems, but it kept me sane. i am quite sure after i left they targeted someone else and the problem continued.

    good luck with your co-workers and just remember things can get out of hand if allowed to.
    interesting, it was best to leave. i believe you were dealing with a sociopath, a very dangerous person.
  8. by   mamason
    You could do a google search under "work bully."Gives all kinds of info on how to handle such an @$%^!!!
  9. by   firstyearstudent
    Quote from destiny5
    Or everytime someone gets in your face to gossip you could interrupt them and ask for HELP. That'll get them out of your face and probably keep them out.
    That's genius! Or better yet, you could ask them for money/a loan...

    "By the way, since I've got you here, could you spot me 20 until payday?"

    This post has got me thinking about great conversation stoppers. Here's some more:

    1. My boyfriend/husband is so wonderful...

    2. Let me tell you about the dream I had last night...

    3. I know some great crockpot recipes...

    4. You know what my child/grandchild did that is so cute...

    5. I had my gallbladder taken out in 1995...

    6. I have been so depressed lately...

    7. I've started some new knitting projects...

    8. Have you ever used Amway/Avon/Herbalife products. I'm a representative, you know...

    9. My kid is having a candy fundraiser at his school...

    10. My church is so great. You should come to the service this Sunday...
    Last edit by firstyearstudent on Oct 26, '06
  10. by   SueBee RN-BSN
    Quote from firstyearstudent
    That's genius! Or better yet, you could ask them for money/a loan...

    "By the way, since I've got you here, could you spot me 20 until payday?"

    This post has got me thinking about great conversation stoppers. Here's some more:

    1. My boyfriend/husband is so wonderful...

    2. Let me tell you about the dream I had last night...

    3. I know some great crockpot recipes...

    4. You know what my child/grandchild did that is so cute...

    5. I had my gallbladder taken out in 1995...

    6. I have been so depressed lately...

    7. I've started some new knitting projects...

    8. Have you ever used Amway/Avon/Herbalife products. I'm a representative, you know...

    9. My kid is having a candy fundraiser at his school...

    10. My church is so great. You should come to the service this Sunday...
    All are great. I would not use #6. This can used against you.
  11. by   SueBee RN-BSN
    Most bullies are just trouble makers, and are harmless when dealt with quickly.

    However, there a dangerous bullies. If you read "The Sociopath Nextdoor" by, Martha Stout, Ph. D. you will gain a good understanding of how to spot a dangerous person, and how to deal with them. You will also learn alot about yourself. There are also many other books on this subject that are good.

    These are the sick people who we see all to much of as bullies in the workplace.
  12. by   Diahni
    Quote from abu1030
    Why is it that there is always that one person who feels it is necessary to spread rumors and talk about everyone? I cannot stand it when people gossip. It drives me absolutely crazy when I hear something about someone or myself that is absolutely not true, especially when the one starting all of the rumors also talks about herself like she is the "Cats Meow".

    Sorry, I just need to vent. Someone at work has been spreading silly stories about a few of us and it has really bored a hole under my skin. She puffs her chest out like she is the top banana when she is no better than anyone else, and tries to make people feel below her. You know the type...makes a mistake and it is never "Her" fault. Drives me nuts.

    Everyone knows who and what she is but it still bothers me. I bite my lip and pretend to not notice or should I say...I pretend that it does not bother me...Management is aware and they just let it happen. I am afraid that some unsuspecting person is going to blow up one day. Which means they will look like the bad one and not her....GRRRRRRR!

    Thanks for letting me rant:imbar
    So sorry, my dear. Yes, they're out there. What are some people like this? Are they unhappy, or just plain mean? Maybe both. In any case, "stuck people stick people." I am still in nursing school and see how there's one in every bunch, nurse or student. Management/teachers are just a big zero about this stuff. I have some real jerks as fellow students, spreading rumors about how so and so messed up, etc. Some of my personal faves, an older male student steps back from a door and says to me, "Age before beauty." He's gotta be five years younger than me, but imagines the younger students see him as a stud, I suppose. Pot belly and all. Then there's the student who suggested I thought a room was hot because I was having a hot flash. Hey, mean people stink, and be glad you're not one of them! Do some creative imagining, that the person is actually an annoying insect, and blow 'em off. They're not worth the time of day, and certainly not worth your time. Easy to say, harder to do, but the LAST thing you want to do is engage with them. Don't get into "urination" contests with a skunk! That they're mean does more damage to them than you. Be above it all and remember that what they say says more about them than your, or any one else!
    Diahni
  13. by   muffie
    Quote from SueBee RN-BSN
    Boldly change the subject when this person starts her thing. When you hear her talking about someone behind their back, tell her to take it to the person she is running down. If she runs you down address her infront of others, and let her know how you feel about her statments about you.

    Peolpe who practice this are very insecure, and are only trying to put themselves in a better light, but it never works. She will not have any friends, and will never face her true problems. Once everyone bring her problems into light, well she will change. Once she starts to change, make her feel good about her new behavior. Love the sinner, not the sin.
    well said
    only the hurting hurt others

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