What are the top three complaints by patients that you hear on a regular basis, and how do you typically respond?
Complaint #1) It's freezing in here!
Usual response: "Yes, I'd freeze to death if I weren't running my tail off! Unfortunately, the temperature is centrally controlled and I can't adjust it for you. But I can grab you a warm blanket!"
Complaint #2) This stretcher is so hard!
Usual response: "Yes, our stretchers do give a new meaning to the term "firm", don't they? On the other hand, if you need CPR, they're perfect for that! How about if we adjust the head of the bed? That might take some pressure off your lower back."
Complaint #3) It's taking too long!
Usual response: "Unfortunately, I don't have any control over how long [labs/diagnostics/whatever] take to result, but I'm keeping my eyes peeled. In the meantime, is there anything I can do for you while you wait?"
I'm being earnest, but sarcasm is welcome too.