I read your post about I am so sad. I know exactly what you are going through. I am 22 and I have my daughter who is 4. It is even harder for me to find that special someone with my child. I know one thing for sure I would not trade her for any man in this world. Anyway I know what it is like to be surrounded with friends who are married or have a finance or boyfriend. I have no single friends left and each and every time I try to find a friend they either have no kids or they have kids but are into the club/party scene which I am defintely not into at all. I struggled with depression for the longest I am now in counseling. At first I was going once a week but then we (meaning the therapist and myself decided that I was doing good to start going every two weeks) and just last week my therapist thought that I am almost to the point now where I can do just once a month but call anytime I need to.
I know that single people get tired of hearing this after a while, I know I did but I am beginning to see some light/truth to it. Love happens when you least expect it to and some one will come your way when you are not looking.
I am learning that a single person can have just as much fun and that is has it's positives (there are a few things that may seem bad but only if someone allows it to)
It's hard seeing my friends get married, I was engaged to my daughter's father, I had my wedding dress, I had everything arranged from bridesmaids to flower girls, church to the reception, cake, honeymoon, invitations sent out and EVERYTHING only to find out that my Ex betrayed me for the second time after I forgave him once and decided that If he did it once and then twice he will probably do it again. I called our wedding off one week before we were to get married back in June of 1998 and my family did not understand and was really upset. They told me you just miss your chance of walking down the aisle I literally had family members told me, "No man will ever want you because you have a child" It hurted to have my family who I loved and cared so deeply for tell me that. Some have came around and told me they were sorry and that life will get better and others still tell me that it will be really hard to find someone. That is when I went into depression when I called off the wedding and my family told me what they did.
Well, it is almost 4 years later and I am starting to get better. My depression rubbed off on my daughter because I have not been the mother she truly dserved and needed.
It is hard for me to go out by myself to like the movies or out to new places to eat. I just have not been able to bring myself to do that yet. I am working on that though.
I just ended a brief relationship with a guy who lied to me about his age, he really did not look like a man who will be 40 this year he told me he just turned 33. I was looking and decided to turn to the internet to find someone. I was getting happy because he was the first guy that was interested in me since my ex but then other lies also started coming in and he was pressuring me to do things I just was not ready for. He also said he understood the reasons why I was in therapy but it turned out he really did not respect that and told me you will be fine you don't need therapy anymore now that you have me. I would also constantly worry about him and if he would cheat just like my Ex did and it was starting to affect my grades at the end of the semester as well as studying. So over winter break after christmas I told him I can't handle school, my daughter and a relationship and something had to go and it was obviously not going to be my child and it surely was not going to be school.
I decided for now I need to focus on school instead of worrying. I see so many of my classmates in relationships who are stressed out to the max because they are having problems in their relationships. Now, my grades are better than ever before because I have seeked out help. Don't be afraid if you need to seek help. I was very afraid but after I had a very bad breakdown in front of my parents and family they told me that is it you need some help.
Jan 30, '02
Just wanted to say I love your quote............I LOVE MaryMary!!