I just don't want to do this anymore. I've been an RN for almost three years, have had three jobs, and feel like this work is slowly poisoning my life. It sucks, because I enjoy my patients and like helping people, and I've made a good living doing this; but every day I'm just filled with so much worry and fear. I'm afraid of what I still don't know and how it could harm someone, and I'm afraid of myself or a coworker being hurt and not preventing it (I'm on a med-psych floor currently). And I hate to say it, but I'm kind of bored. For me, a good shift is now all about getting my patients to sleep; I like talking to them and even helping with ADLs, but am so disinterested in the rest of this. Within three months of taking this job, not even out of orientation for a month, I had to start taking SSRIs and going to therapy and turn my life upside down just to be able to cope. I get sick more, I'm depressed and anxious, and even my off-time isn't refreshing now because I know I have to go back.
I guess these feelings are common for newer nurses, but I've been contemplating changing careers for several months now. I wouldn't want fear by itself to drive me out of this work, but I have always wanted to get my Masters in Counseling Psychology. I was very close to doing so five or six years ago but ended up in nursing school
instead; it was less expensive, faster, my idiot boyfriend at the time respected it more...I have something else I would like to move toward, which is why I really want to do this.
The thing is, I just started a BSN program because I agreed to it when I started this job. I'm two classes in so far. I don't mind the program, and I can see the benefit in it in case I ever NEED to work as a nurse again. I can't start the Masters program I'm looking at until next fall anyway, and if I don't take breaks, I can finish my BSN by then. Part of me says to just do it, but part of me resents the idea of spending so much time and effort on something I don't want to use. (Work is paying for up to $5,000/year, which I will run through by this summer, so I'll be paying at least about a third of tuition, plus books.) I know what I want to do, but I'm so mixed up that I don't know what I SHOULD do.
Tl;dr I'm seriously considering getting a different degree and quitting nursing, but I've done two classes of a BSN program and don't know if I should just finish it just in case.