Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

I work in an office setting, so the peeves are a little different, but I'd still LOVE to give it to 'em straight.

1. Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. I will call in your rx refill to the pharmacy today. It will probably be near the close of business, after I've dealt with the 36 people who have been waiting months for an appointment, half a dozen triage work-ins, and umpteen add-on procedures. It's a shame your cruise to Hawaii leaves in 2 hours. Next time count your pills and plan accordingly ... a week or more in advance would be good.

2. Yes, I know you just saw Dr. A. and she changed the dose of one of your meds. Did you LISTEN to a word she said? Telling me the pill is pink is not useful information. Next time please bring a notebook or your secretary so I do not have to waste time hunting down the note and doing a review session on the phone.

3. If you do not understand the doctor's accent, again, do NOT call me 15 minutes after you get home complaining about "those &^%*& foreigners" and asking me for a review session. Either admit to him that you need clarification or choose from one of the 20+ other MD's in the group. Like now, while you're here.

4. Leaving repeated voice mails will not result in a return call any sooner.

5. I don't make the schedule. I don't control how long the MD spends with each pt. If you have a problem with the above, take it up with HER, no me.

6. Corollary: if it were *your* mother in there with acute SOB, 3+pitting edema, and a SBP of 76, would *you* like the doctor to move things along so the next person is not late for her hair appointment?

7. Don't tell me you quit smoking "15 minutes ago." It's bad enough we have to fumigate half the office when you leave.

8. Flattery, chocolate, and holiday gifts are much appreciated but they will not get you more samples. Some of them come three pills to a pack now and we only get a dwindling number. We know whether or not you truly need them.

9. Do not check your or your loved one's pulse and blood pressure every 15 minutes and call me every time it is marginally high or low. Even if it started out just fine, sooner or later one of our heads is going to explode!

10. Hugs are always welcome! Don't be shy! We actually do love most of our patients ... and we have the luxury of rolling the phones at 5:00

I work in corrections. It is appropriate for me to say:
"Get out of here and don't come back, I hate your guts".
" You better really be sick, if you're not, you won't like the results".
" No you can't have Vicodin for a 3 yr old injury, are you nuts?"
" Yeh right, sure your kid dumped your bottle of Morphine in the toilet the very day you filled it; and you need another refill?"
" No, we will not prescribe sleeping pills for you so you can sleep your sentence away. We don't care if you can't sleep."
"I can't get a vicodin for my bad back, how is it you got 6 different doctors in 3 different towns to prescribe all this oxycontin for your back? All within a few days of each other?" No I won't refill the empty bottles you just had filled 4 days before you got arrested!"
"Who do you think you're talking to?"

No you ARE right, you don't realy need this procedure, we are only doing it for;
1/ I need the practice
2/ I have nothing better to do
3/ I am only doing this to look busy and avoid my paperwork
4/ There is a camera taping this and everyone is in the staffroom watching and having a giggle.....it's a slow day!

why are we afraid to talk to our pt's about their weight? It's time we treat their obesity as the disease condition it is, and educate them about the consequences of it: sleep apnea, diabetes, heart diseaseand osteoarthritis to name a few. It's obvious that many physicians are uncomfortable with this topic as well. I've cared for many pt's who were oblivous to the fact that their 300lb. weight was the reason they were having a knee replacement at 40y.o. and that they could likely improve the pain by losing weight. We are doing them a disservice by not talking to them about their weight.

How much time I could save if I could just say a few words of wisdom:

1. I understand that you haven't had a bath in eight hours, however talk to management about letting me have time to go to the bathroom at least every eight hours, then we can talk about baths, linen changes, and if you really need to have the CNA shave you even though you will only be here for 24 hrs!!

2. Pain medication is not like candy, even though in both situations, alot is not better than some! I have seen a family bully a nurse into giving more than was safe, and then were totally shocked as why to Uncle Fred was very hard to awake

3. You have a clock in your room, please consult it before telling me you have been waiting 45 min for us after you called, if you cannot tell the difference between 5 and 45, you need a head CT!

I work in a hospital that tends to have a large "underserved population. (I expect many of our frequent flyers "home" for the holidays!) I'd love to answer the phone "Radisson of the homeless, this is athflvr, may I help you."

[quote=kprnc58;2555489]why are we afraid to talk to our pt's about their weight? It's time we treat their obesity as the disease condition it is, and educate them about the consequences of it: sleep apnea, diabetes, heart diseaseand osteoarthritis to name a few. It's obvious that many physicians are uncomfortable with this topic as well. I've cared for many pt's who were oblivous to the fact that their 300lb. weight was the reason they were having a knee replacement at 40y.o. and that they could likely improve the pain by losing weight. We are doing them a disservice by not talking to them about their weight.[/quote

One of my absolute favorite docs at my hospital will write things on discharge instructions like:

1) Quit drinking or YOU WILL DIE

2) Lose weight or YOU WILL DIE

3) Stop smoking or YOU WILL DIE.

I appreciate someone who is so up front with patients. And the truly wonderful thing is that she doesn't just write it and leave it to me to go over with the patient. I've heard the lecture she gives and no matter what I would say, mine is a rather mild reminder!

That's why she's there! She's a great example of a bad role model . During nursing school I also had a similar nurse and she was rude and borderline facetious with everyone, EXCEPT the MD's. Budda wouldn't melt in her mouth when any of the docs were around! It was almost comical, if you could see past her nastiness towards everyone else. She'd almost simper when talking to them. And giggle! I almost lost it the first time I heard her. After that I just viewed her as a sad, lonely woman, who had to make other uncomfortable and looking bad to try to make herself feel and look better. Kinda sad, really. Great thread, we've all had experiences like this, you just have to put enough time between you and the incident to see the humor in it.

"No, I don't want to see your weenie. Not only is it uninteresting, it's the smallest weenie I've ever seen on an adult male!"


Looks just like a penis, only smaller! too funny

Last night I had a nice elderly woman pt in bed one ask me to turn on the bright light because it was difficult to read her newspaper with the dimmer light. I turned it on and helped her to the BR. While waiting for her to finish, the 20 something female pt in bed 2 calls me and asks if I can turn off the light "over there". At the same time, her boyfriend is climbing into the bed (a tad smaller than a twin size) with her (with his coat and shoes on-talk about dirty)! I wanted to tell him them that this is not the Waldorf-Astoria or the Ramada. They ordered pizzas and were watching tv and doing who knows what else. SHES SICK STUPID!!! Take your dirty ass off of the bed, go buy some flowers or a get well gift like a real man, let her eat the salad that was ordered for her, and say good night since visiting hrs ended 2 hrs ago. Your visit is pointless!