Things You'd Like To Tell Visitors . . . . and get away with it

To the visitor of a patient that comes up to the nurses station grilling me about a patient that isn't my patient, demanding to know when the doctor is coming, what the results of the tests were, and when they are going home...

"Sorry Ma'am but I don't know who you're talking about, he's not my patient and I'm busy so go away and leave me alone!"

I'll have to repeat what I said on the other thread about patients for this thread:

Go Home!lsebeg:lsebeg:lsebeg::scrm:

I'd love to be able to tell a visitor: Thanks so much for coming. You've been a great help and comfort to your loved one. Can I get you a cup of coffee or some tea? If you need anything at all, please let me know.

Okay, well, something along those lines does happen, from time to time, but not nearly enough.

Stop touching my patients!!! Just becuase my patient is in the same dining room as your son doesnt mean you have right to hold her by arm and force her out of dining room. How would you feel if I grab your son by his arm and force him to leave dining room??? You dont own this place so stop touching my patients!!!

Please turn off your cell phone, iPod, MP3 and any other such device. They mess with our monitors. I don't care what the pimpley teen from the cell phone store told you. Our IT guys say it does.

And you're here to visit your baby. Why do you need to be talking to your best friend's mom's second cousin for two hours or is he the baby daddy? Tell him to get his A** in here to see his baby. Before you hang up, of course.

I hate dealing with 14 yr old moms

I thought I was the only one who got told that. The patient was a full code and the daughter was an RN. The patient was on Morphine IVP prn, and she pulled me out in the hall and asked me to "double the dose and give it rapid IVP. I'm sure the MD won't mind!" Then llater the same patient got a PE and I walked in and found the same daughter, the RN, walking the mom who was on strict bedrest r/t the PE.

Some people, you just can't figure them out!
Anne, RNC

-Shut the he!! up. You will NOT go out and smoke. You should have thought about that before you took 30 Ambien and 14 Vicodin and sloshed it down with vodka. You would have gotten some sympathy from me if this were your 1st, 2nd or even 3rd time. Now I'm just annoyed you were able to call 911.

You can't help those who don't want to help themselves.

-Just because your kid is wearing one of those backpack/leash things does not make you a good parent. Now, for the fifth time, if your kid does not get off the waiting room table I will be forced to put the leash on you and discipline you for being stupid.

-Trauma means life or death. Our charge nurse already gave everyone in the waiting room the courtesy to say "wait times have been extended due to trauma in progress". Our staff does not care about your sniffles anymore. You can yell all you want cause your chart will be mysteriously lost for several hours. Or here's an idea...GO HOME!

NO, I WILL NOT CHANGE THE CHANNEL IN THE WAITING ROOM!!!!!!

What a surgeon actually told a girlfriend visitor when he made rounds early on days and I had been the night nurse: "How dare you put a chair under the door handle and try to prevent the nurse from entering to check on the patient? You are rude, arrogant and don't have the brains in your head to match those in the little finger of any nurse on this floor! Get out and don't come back or talk to me ever again!" He was 6' 6" and very forceful.
(Sigh) My hero. Too bad he took early retirement.

"Who the F is your mother?" I'd like to say that to those people who come up to me at random and start asking if their mom can do this or that, and I have no clue who Mom is because I've never seen her kids before.

I know I've said this several times before, but please don't try to wake your mother up. I've worked all day at finding that right amount of light sedation, and it's stressful to wake her up right now.

Did I mention to not wake her up?

Please don't wake her up.


Ok. Visitation is over. (after, of course, family STILL tried to wake pt up)

Yesss. I love saying this. Sorry, but I STILL can't give you the information. No matter how many times you ask....