Things You'd Like To Tell Visitors . . . . and get away with it

No, I'm not going to stop my NURSING duties to go and get an extra bowl/napkin/cup/spoon for the giant ice cream cone you bought across the street. Perhaps you should have asked the FOOD VENDOR you purchased said item from for these items--I hear they have a nice stock of these things.

We have a popular ice cream store across the street and they have huge servings. Every summer we get people who walk in with dripping cones who expect the nurses run and get them extra dishes. I have actually told some people while I'm passing medications that I can't stop what I'm doing and directed them to the kitchen. One lady just stood there and then finally said "Well can't you?" I politely said no, I'm sorry I can't stop what I'm doing....she rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen.

That must have been some shift, Ruby!

"No, I cannot give you the results of your father's head CT. Why? Well, first of all, because I'm not his doctor, and therefore not allowed to interpret the CT. Second of all, because you are not his designated health care proxy, and it is against the law. Third, and most importantly of all, because your father is still at his head CT, as I told you when you first asked, and I can't predict the results of a test while it is still happening!

Stop helping!!!! I realize you worked in a nursing home.

You don't need your robe, i will make sure you are covered!

Please get out of the way miss you are in the way of the patients walker!

You don't need to brush you hair right now!

Please sit up on the side of the bed, you are in a bad position, remember how we said to do this? Ok my back is hurting, you have to sit up... You are killing my back and knees. Sit up!!!!

So you just come here an hour a day and complain?

I can tell the difference between a boy and a girl. I'm sorry that the nursery is painted pink and that you've got a department store's worth of girlie clothes at home, but the baby is STILL a boy. Yes, I'm absolutely sure, I'm a well trained medical professional and have developed the skill to identify a penis when I see one. Hope you kept the receipts.

No, she cannot have a sandwich. She is on clear liquids. I don't care if you don't think her daughter should be allowed to visit. She is mentally competent and can state for herself who she would and would not like to see. Please do not eavesdrop on my telephone conversations. There is a reason I stepped out of the room to take this call, and it is none of your business. No, she cannot have some crackers. Crackers are not a clear liquid. I will get her some Jello as soon as I have hung the blood. Now stop talking to me and go sit down on that little green couch over there that they put in here for family members so I can get her blood transfusion started. I have no desire to do chest compressions on her ninety pound body, and I have no desire to lose my nursing license when you sue me for malpractice when she codes because I didn't get the blood hung fast enough because you wouldn't leave me the frack alone!

I would rather have no interaction with some of them at all. I would like there to be a trap door in the floor where they have to stand to use the intercom - when you see the on the CCTV who it is just press a button to release the doors and a slide takes them to the bus stop!


I can dream!

Get your facts straight ... he didn't use morphine.

To an inmate's mother:

He's lying to you, he likes to make you suffer.

Why do you listen to his BS?

No, he doesn't have cancer. When did you last visit? 6 months ago??? He's lying to make you feel sorry and guilty so you will come visit him.

He's a sociopath and he's lying.

Go ahead and call the Governor.