Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here no more!

[Blue Roses]

"...I'm a young new nurse about a year out of nursing school and I haven been on the ob for about 10 months. During the past 4 months or so I have had increasing anxiety to the point of being physically sick and having to call off work, and now I only have one more absence left until they fire me.

My boss is very strict and unsympathetic. If you try to talk to her she says things like "well sometimes life just isnt fair." instead of trying to help you. She holds grudges and has favorites and least favorites, and if you are the latter you know it and feel it in the way she treats you.

About 2 months ago I had two patients pass away on me in a two week period, and since then I have been a complete and total mess. I have been getting dizzy and passing out both at work and at home, I constantly feel like something terrible is about to happen, and I have a constant underlying current of fear and anxiety in my mind and heart. It doesn't help that we have been consistently understaffed and overworked the past several months (I work on a med surg floor in a huge city hospital). Every night I go in I'm terrified of what I might face when I get there. I cry all the time. I can't sleep, I don't eat because I feel nauseated most of the time. I'm also facing stress outside of work, conflict within my family and trying to plan and pay for my wedding coming up in May mostly by myself.

...It came to a head last night when my fiance woke up to me sobbing my eyes out because I stay awake all night to make sure he's still breathing. I have been in denial, I know I have a history of depression and self-mutilation as a teenager, although I was never diagnosed with anything. But now I feel like a train speeding at 100 mph towards a solid concrete wall.

I have appointments this week to see both my PCP and a free counselor service provided through my work... I am going to try and talk to my boss, but I don't see her doing much to help me. I have tried yoga, exercise, meditating, hobbies, etc etc and I still feel this way. It's like I'm trapped inside myself and inside this job that I am so afraid of. I have also applied for several other nursing jobs in the community, but that was just recently and I haven't heard back from any of them yet.

...I can't talk to anyone at work because it will come across as complaining and if my boss gets wind of it we get written up or fired. I am pretty desperate at this point. I barely have the motivation to get out of bed anymore. Normally I'm a generally happy person. I want to feel happy again."

That was me three weeks ago. Since then, I have sought help in counseling, have started medication through my doctor, applied for several jobs, and have gotten a few job offers. TODAY, I accepted a job offer at an inpatient rehab center at another hospital in my area, where the nurse manager is amazingly kind and the patient's aren't as acute.

Also, I called in to work today and resigned without giving notice. Part of me feels guilty, but another part of me knows it was justified. The job was killing me, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have plans now to write to my state's Senators and Congressmen regarding having a minimum patient nurse ration implemented statewide.

I have drafted letters to both the nursing administration office of my old job and to the hospital's CEO outlining my story. I hope that through telling my story I might be able to help improve conditions for those fellow nurses I leave behind whom I have come to love and care deeply about.

Don't ever let anyone tell you you are trapped in a job that is hurting you. You cannot take care of your patient's without taking care of yourself.

For the first time in months, I feel hopeful.

[DoeRN]

Good for you. You will be an inspiration for others. You don't have to stay trapped at a job you hate. I can attest to that. I hate my job but I'm working on an out.

As far as your wedding is it just you and your finance paying for it?

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses.com

[ORNerd, BSN, RN]

Good for you! I wish you all the best:)

[Blue Roses]

Its me and my fiance mostly but my parents have recently stepped in in responce to the trouble I've been having and are going to help pay for the catering which is a huge blessing

[NurseCard, ADN]

You go, Johnny Paycheck! =) Good for you, wishing you all the best.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

CONGRATS on stepping into nursing on your OWN TERMS!! :)

Congrats on your new job as well...I'm glad you found your on your way to finding your nursing niche...Good Luck!!! :)

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

And don't feel guilty about ANYTHING...the most important thing as a nurse is self care and maintaining your own spiritual and emotional well being, so you can be the best nurse that you can be! :)

[Leonardo Del Toro, RN]

From what I hear from you this is a toxic job and you did well in leaving. I think also that hospitals now with the "upper hand" take advantage of staff thus making matters much worse. Yes take care of yourself first! you are not doing others any service by being burned out.

When a airplane looses cabin pressure or oxygen the parents put the masks first and then their children...

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

Good for you! You did what you needed to do. If more nurses left toxic situations, there would be less burnout. It takes guts to pick and leave and you did it. Kudos.

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

I'm glad that you're no longer miserable. However, it's never a good idea to burn any bridge, no matter how good it feels in that moment. You never know when you might need a reference. Nursing is a small community. Somebody knows somebody who worked somewhere and "isn't she the nurse who quit without notice?" I wouldn't have drafted a complaint letter to management either. They already know. That might sound defeatist to you, but it's just reality. You didn't just burn that bridge, you blew it up.:)

Anyway, enjoy your new job. I'm glad it's worked out.

[WCnurse2013]

...so sorry that you are having to tolerated this type unprofessional behavior, I am going through a similar experience at my job. I am a older seasoned nurse and I am feeling discriminated against because of my age. Recently my manager called me in her office to let me know that she had wrote me up because one of the physicians in the clinic said I was slow. I do admit that I do sometimes take more time when case managing my patients but it is because I try to complete the majority of work in a timely manner and I try to get the biggest portion of my documentation done when it should be done, unlike my co-workers who are continously taking short cuts and wait until the end of the day or the next day to chart and sign off on their computer documentation. Today was the kicker for me...I had to leave from work early because the weather was getting bad (ice and snow). The doctor was running behind in clinic and there were 2 patients that still need to be seen. I live a hour away from work and new it would be unsafe for me to drive home if I waited until the last 2 patients were discharged, so I told my clinic manager that I would be leaving. There were still 4 other nurses left in the clinic. My nurse manager became angry and rudely told me in front of all the nursing staff that she would report me to HR and have it put on my record that I abandoned the 2 patients and that I would also get a unexcused absence. I felt threatened and bullied and by the time I left I was a nervous wreck and had to calm myself down before I could get out on the road. I want to report her behavior but feel I would be wasting my time because of previous threats that it would do no good to complain to HR because management would be backed by them and it wouldn't matter what nursing staff had to say.

[buytheshoes11, MSN, RN]

Congrats to you for doing this! I wish you all the best. :)

You should not have to be miserable day in and day out at any job.