Son doing heroin - page 2
I'm new here and am looking for people to lean on. I just learned my son has been using many different drugs, to include heroin. I feel frightened, as if I've failed as a mother and just plain blank.... Read More
Nov 6, '06I would just like to say that I lived with a Cocaine addict for 3 years, I did know about it, I just blocked it out and acted like it wasn't there. He finally agreed to Rehab and while he was there, I learned about Al-Anon. I attended many meetings and although him and I are no longer together, I still make meetings when I can. You must realize: this is a disease and has NOTHING to do with how you raised him or anything at all to do with YOU!!! Seriously look into it. At first it will be hard, it was for me, but in the long run wether he gets help or not it will be a good thing for YOU. I know he is your son but sometimes you have to let them hit ROCK BOTTOM before they do anything about it. Just pray and hope for the best and take care of YOU.
Nov 6, '06Quote from zebrahippoI feel your pain, as I know how horrible it feels to have family members who use and abuse drugs and alcohol.I'm new here and am looking for people to lean on. I just learned my son has been using many different drugs, to include heroin.
I have two uncles and one aunt who shot heroin for nearly thirty years. The aunt still uses drugs and drinks heavily. My father abused crack cocaine during my early and middle childhood years, and the emotional scars from his behavior still linger. My father still continues to drink heavily despite having moderate liver damage, hepatitis C, and type I diabetes.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
Nov 6, '06Quote from zebrahippoI am so sorry you are going through this. All you can do is to encourage him to go to rehab whether or not he says he has stopped. He needs it. Addicts lie, especially to the ones that they care about, and Heroin isn't something that someone might try like a joint or coke, he has "graduated" to that level, so I would bet my right arm he has another addiction.No, he does not live in my home nor in my state. I just learned this yesterday.
When he doesn't live near, unfortunately what you can do is limited, and I am so very, very sorry.
Nov 6, '06I understand what you are going through because I also have a problem who is doing drugs. He does not call anyone and when we do call him, he does not pick up the phone. All you can do is pray.
Nov 6, '06:icon_hug: Please know that my heart goes out to you. My own family is riddled with addiction. My brother is an addict of all drugs, any drugs. It is so bad sometimes that he walks the streets, sleeps God knows where. He is totally out of control. I don't have kids, but I do watch my mother's suffering with my brother's addictions. Please know it is NOTHING YOU HAVE DONE. They will play the "guilt card" with you. DON'T BUY INTO IT. You are very lucky he does not live in the same state. I mean that sincerely. It is very hard to stand by and watch the addiction happen. You would benefit immensely from Al-anon or CODA (codependency anonymous). Check em out! This is an excerpt from a website I visit frequently. The website is www.soberrecovery.com. It is a great source of support. Read below, this is what you need to know.
by James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D.
What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
- Ability to allow people, places, or things the freedom to be themselves.
- Holding back from the need to rescue, save, or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional, or irrational.
- Giving another person "the space'' to be him or herself.
- Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
- Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place, or thing.
- Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
- Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
- Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
- Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern, and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing, or controlling.
- Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
- Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
- Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
- Ability to allow people to be who they "really are'' rather than who you "want them to be.''
- Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.
Note: Please visit the referred site for the information/article in its entirety. This post has been edited down due to copyright rules in our Terms of Service. Thank you.Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Nov 6, '06
Nov 6, '06I have some great friends of mine who are the most wonderful parents in the world. one of their sons turned out great the other is in and out of jail addicted to everything. I just hope you know though you may feel like its your fault it isnt. your son is an adult and made some horrible choices. I hope you can find a support group and that your son finds the road to recovery ((((((((((hug))))))))
Nov 6, '06I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this.
Unfortunately there's not much you can do to make your son get help. Only he can decide when he's ready for it, and right now he's not even admitting the problem.
Tazzi's advice is good. Attend a local Al-Anon or Narc-Anon group to help you deal with this and to learn how not to further enable your son.
Hugs to you. It's a very difficult thing.