So... how do you deflect family members when you're busy?

Nurses General Nursing

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Hello all. I've been a nurse for almost 4 years now, and during that time I worked night shift... but for family reasons I had to switch to days. So now here I am, a few weeks into my new shift... of course it's an adjustment. Yes, I can deal with patients constantly going off the floor to tests, doctors coming in and writing and changing orders, patients being awake and asking tons of questions, patients who are 100% feeds, get patients OOB to chair for meals, etc.

What i can't stand are the FAMILY MEMBERS!!!! Yes, some of them understand you are busy but for the most part they walk up to you at any time and expect instant answers. Pestering me about nonurgent things delays me from patients who, I don't know, NEED MEDICATING/NEED ASSESSING/NEED TO BE TRANSFERRED TO THE ICU/etc.. I tell them that I am busy taking care of other patients but they don't care! So i just spend the whole day dealing with people who are unhappy that I didn't get grandma's diet changed in time for lunch, although I was off the floor transferring a critical patient. (This family SAW what I was doing, I TOLD them where I was going, and still I get complaints!!)

Is it okay to actually say "I need some space?" Or is that too overdramatic? Because that's how I feel!!! I am always respectful (even if they are not), I try to sympathize by saying things like "I know it's a waiting game, I'm frustrated too, but right now all we can do is wait for x to come see you." If anyone has any other lines that I can use it would be appreciated.

I should not take these things so personally.... I know all I can do is my best and if grandma has to wait 10 more minutes to be discharged because I'm dealing with a guy that needs to go to dialysis ASAP, so be it. But it's frustrating when you get no gratitude or understanding.

Yes, I've had a family member in hospital. I didn't need to be told the same thing 5000 times by 3 different people - before I was a nurse.

In defense of family members though, what are they supposed to do? I recently had a child in the hospital and had to ask for a couple of things, very politely... the nurses did give me a look like "WHAT????!" whenever I would say "..Excuse me, but if you get a chance..."

Really, there's nothing else the family members can do but ask, and they have no way of knowing when the nurses are busy or when would be a good time to ask.

Something I'm going to try to remember when I make it through :o

Specializes in ER.

If it's someone else's patient and not a quick fix (or I'm busy) I tell them to go back and ring the call bell and their nurse will know they need something.

If it's my patient and I'm in the middle of something I say I'll be right there "as soon as I finish this" and try to get back within about five minutes.

My pet peeve is when family stands at the desk and informs the first person who makes eye contact that he/she (referring to the patient) needs meds. I have no idea who he/she is, or what meds they can or can't have. Everyone has a call bell, use it and you'll be talking to someone who knows something. Even worse when they walk into the nurses' station and tap their preferred doc or nurse on the shoulder. Arghhh.

Specializes in ER.
in defense of family members though, what are they supposed to do? i recently had a child in the hospital and had to ask for a couple of things, very politely... the nurses did give me a look like "what????!" whenever i would say "..excuse me, but if you get a chance..." the call bell will get the person least busy/most knowledgeable about the patient.

really, there's nothing else the family members can do but ask, and they have no way of knowing when the nurses are busy or when would be a good time to ask. anytime is usually ok, unless we're speedwalking by with an armload. unless the question is specific to your family member, then you need to ring for someone who would know.

something i'm going to try to remember when i make it through :o

this is true. and as a cna, i should know this. for some reason, when it was my son in the bed though and i was in mommy-mode, i would just hit the call bell for urgent things, and if it was something minor, would go and ask. i don't know why - frankly i think it was because the bells made such a racket, i didn't want to feel silly having made so much noise/flashing lights over needing something minor.

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
I had a family member walk into another patient's room WHILE WE WERE CODING HIM, to demand a glass of water for his mother in the room next door.

Families do not understand our job, nor will they try when their loved one is your patient. All that matters to them is the care that is (or isn't) being given.

I got reprimanded for not getting someone water when we were in the middle of a code with another patient. The thing that made this even worse? The person who complained was a nurse.

I usually say something like, I will be right with you as soon as I am finished with another patient. And I keep moving before they can pin me down with more conversation. (But I always smile when I say it.)

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Very well said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah:

Even after being a nurse for 30 years. When my Dad was in the hospital (not my hospital nor my state) You are still EXTREMELY vulnerable, maybe more so then the average joe, (trust me......ignorance IS bliss ) .......

you are very dependent on the staff for information and communicating your loved ones needs.....it was a very lonely and helpless position to be in especially as a control freak nurse.

But I would be willing to bet you were a very well-behaved family member. Being scared and vulnerable doesn't give you the right to mouth off to the nurse because she didn't bring you a turkey sandwich, chips and a soda. Being scared and vulnerable doesn't give you the right to follow the nurse into another patient's room because you want another blanket for Mom and you want it now.

There are limits to what being scared and vulnerable should allow you to get away with.

I got reprimanded for not getting someone water when we were in the middle of a code with another patient. The thing that made this even worse? The person who complained was a nurse.

You have to be joking. Please please tell me that isn't true ?????

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
have any of you ever had a family member in the hospital? especially before you were a healthcare professional. these people are scared and their only priority is their family member. to you, getting grandma's water is pretty far down on your list, but to the granddaughter all they see is grandma being uncomfortable and they want to fix it. they don't know the way the hospital works. i know when you are in the middle of something huge the last thing you need is a family member asking you questions, but please remember how vulnerable these people feel. you are the only one they feel they can go to, look at that as an honor rather than a burden.

i suspect you mean well, but i've had parents, a husband, good friends and myself in the hospital. the only one of the family members who wasn't capable of understanding priorities was my mother (alzheimer's) and my sister who is a nurse executive and hasn't been near the bedside in a quarter of a century. my father (not in healthcare), husband, cousins, aunts and uncles, friends etc. are perfectly capable of understanding priorities no matter how frightened they were. they understood discomfort as well, and the lack of immediate fixes.

what these nurses are venting about is family members who do understand priorities but just don't care because they are selfish and entitled. or those who don't understand because they haven't the intellectual capacity for common sense, reasoning or higher function of any type. however much of an honor you might feel it is to field inappropriate questions at inappropriate times, it is a burden.

we all know that family members are frightened, worried about their loved one, anxious and under a lot of stress. that does not, however, excuse most of the behaviors these nurses are venting about. nor should it. perhaps if we stopped being so understanding, folks would get it together and start acting as though they're out in public -- which they are -- instead of in their own home throwing tantrums.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
in defense of family members though, what are they supposed to do? i recently had a child in the hospital and had to ask for a couple of things, very politely... the nurses did give me a look like "what????!" whenever i would say "..excuse me, but if you get a chance..."

really, there's nothing else the family members can do but ask, and they have no way of knowing when the nurses are busy or when would be a good time to ask.

something i'm going to try to remember when i make it through :o

take a minute and go back and read through some of these posts. we nurses aren't venting about defensible behavior such as asking for a bedpan for grandma or an extra blanket for dh. we're venting about indefensible behavior such as interrupting cpr to ask for a glass of water or asking the same question 500 times of every staff person you encounter or yammering on about their own gall bladder surgery when i'm trying to whisk uncle joe off to the cath lab because he's actively infarcting.

i'm sorry you felt as though you've had too little attention from your child's nurses or not the right sort of attention or whatever it is your complaint is. but that has very little to do with what the nurses on this thread are actually writing about.

perhaps if we stopped being so understanding, folks would get it together and start acting as though they're out in public -- which they are -- instead of in their own home throwing tantrums.

i'm with you on this one, ruby.

sometimes, we have to throw them 'that look', that tells them now isn't a good time.

sometimes, we have to firmly tell them, i will be with you as soon as possible, w/o hesitation, remorse, or apology.

we're all too painfully aware how demanding some will be.

it really is up to us, to stop them in their tracks...respectfully yet assertively.

i consider myself a sensitive person, and one's anxiety/fear, is not lost on me...

even when it comes across as obnoxious and scathing.

but i will not ever hesitate to set limits...

even when mgmt disapproves.

i can't give to all at once, nor can they have it all at once.

seriously, it's high time we expected adults to act accordingly...and deal.

that's my bottom line.

leslie

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
You have to be joking. Please please tell me that isn't true ?????

Oh so sad and true tale from the ED. Her precious child couldn't wait a few minutes for a drink. I was told I could have somehow found a few minutes to take care of the situation rather than letting it escalate to the point that the mother was angry. The "mother" could have gotten the water for herself since as en employee, she knew where the water dispenser was. :uhoh3:

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