Please Help Me

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hi. Some of you may have read in some of my other posts about my father. My father is 60 years old and and end-stage alcoholic. We have had him in 30 day programs and de-tox for 5 days, at least 2-3 times. He will improve and then slowly slip back into it. Now it seems he's addicted to ativan instead of the ETOH - same thing, same result.

What's bothering me and having me near tears is that my sister called me just a few minutes ago - and she told me that she went to a psychic who told her that our dad will die in a car accident r/t to his ETOH abuse before Christmas 2002. I tried to pass her off but as I'm sitting here trying to finish my paper that is due on Thursday, my mind keeps wandering back to this and I can't help but feel panicky inside. I don't want him to die, and naturally not from a car accident!! I love him soooo much I just wish he would get well - but it's beyond my control. I've done all I can for him - the rest is up to him.

The thing is, I can't concentrate on my schoolwork. I mean, should I listen to this psychic or not? I'm a wreck..please...what are your thoughts????:o :o

Susy you are powerless to change the heart-breaking situation. You have to pray with all your might to be able to "accept the thing I can not change" as they say in AA. Be there to support your family. My mother drank herself to death. She died alone in a seedy apt. Empty liquor bottles in every cupboard, under the bed, under the sink. This was an intelligent funny woman years ago. She could never get it together and alcohol completely took over. I cling to the memories of her brief periods of sobriety. You have to distance yourself emotionally to be able to survive. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

How difficult it must be to watch someone you love do this to themselves, Nebby and Susy.

My father was a binger vs a daily drinker...the cancer got him before the ETOH could. How awful to know your parent has the power to live and chose to drink him/herself to death and you couldn't stop it...I can't imagine how that must be but I'm praying for you both. (((hugs)))

Specializes in LDRP; Education.
Originally posted by Nebby Nurse

Susy you are powerless to change the heart-breaking situation. You have to pray with all your might to be able to "accept the thing I can not change" as they say in AA. Be there to support your family. My mother drank herself to death. She died alone in a seedy apt. Empty liquor bottles in every cupboard, under the bed, under the sink. This was an intelligent funny woman years ago. She could never get it together and alcohol completely took over. I cling to the memories of her brief periods of sobriety. You have to distance yourself emotionally to be able to survive. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

My god Nebby. How horrible. Then you understand how I feel, how difficult this is. I fear my father will have the same ending as your mother. Tell me, were you relieved when she died? I feel horrible for even asking.....:o

Mattsmom - thanks for your words. Every little bit from people help. :)

Susy, the minute after I posted that thread I wished I could have taken it back. This thread is not about me and recounting that sordid sad part of my life sounds like I'm having a pity party here. I guess the point that I wanted to make was that you are not alone in your suffering and that are dozens of individuals right now who have read this thread who have experienced and are living through the worst kind of frustrating, emotional pain that only an addicted loved one can dish out. For many it's too painful and shameful to talk about. Was I glad when my mom died? Hmmm... P'd off for sure because there's a part of you that never gives up hope. The intense suffering that you are going though now is something that binds us all together here and even if you don't go to ALANON, come here and continue to talk about it cause it's a healthier thing to do than holding all that pain in. You continue to have my heartfelt sympathy. Take care.

Specializes in Everything except surgery.
Originally posted by Nebby Nurse

[b I guess the point that I wanted to make was that you are not alone in your suffering and that are dozens of individuals right now who have read this thread who have experienced and are living through the worst kind of frustrating, emotional pain that only an addicted loved one can dish out. For many it's too painful and shameful to talk about. B]

So right you are Nebby Nurse.;)

I can't say whether my father was an alcoholic or not...but my brother is. You know Nebby Nurse...I hadn't even remembered the fact that he is an alcoholic ...because he has been sober for over 8 yrs now at least. But I do remember when it finally dawn on me that he was one.

One Christmas....all the family was gathered in my mom's kitchen playiing domminos. And I looked around...because I kept seeing the kids running in and out of the bathroom :chuckle ing. like crazy. I got up and went to the bathroom...and was sickened by what I saw. My brother was stretched on the bathroom floor with his pants around his knees!:imbar OUT COLD! I couldn't believe it.

Let me tell you about my brother:rolleyes: He has over 160 IQ...my sister over 180...and could have went anywhere he wanted to school. He was made the president of the Mayor's Youth Council by appointment. He was always involved in many different civic programs....was looked to as one of the leaders of tomorrow. I looked up to my brother....and thought He was the best big brother ever! I WAS PROUD of him.. :o. But ...he went to Viet Nam...and came back changed!:o He ended up after his second divorce...living with my mother:o ...and wrecked my mother's car by wrapping around a tree. My mother worked for Social Services and HER car was required for her to visit her clients. The county had cars that SW could use...but mostly they were used when someone had to have their fixed. My brother couldn't recount how the accident happened...so my mother couldn't make an insurance claim. So she had to go out and buy ANOTHER CAR! My mother cut him out of her will...not sure why...but my brothers and sister decided to give him her home..so he would have a place to live...he lost it less than one year later to taxes..and not paying the water bill...(Yes I got it back). When I turned the house over to him...NO bills were owed on ANYTHING. He ended up selliing everything though before I knew...even a 100 yrs old loveseat...that had been left to my sister by our grandmother.

Thankfully my brother turned his life over to the Lord many years ago...and not only stopped drinking...but stopping a 4-6 pack a day cigarette habit!:). Like I told you ...I now can look up to him again:cool: Take heart Susy K ....you never know what changes may come one day...:)

Suzy - God, psychics, Lords, prayer, chanting...all this is the same umbrella. One form may be more accepted than the other, but, if you want peace of mind, just remember you have one. (a mind)

Sometimes these umbrellas don't hold too well when the wind really starts to blow, and even though your holding an umbrella, you still get wet.

You know, if you get wet, your skin is hydrophobic :-) You'll dry off, and you'll be okay :-0

Coming to grips with a problem like this is rough and tough. Your gonna get wet, no matter how strong your umbrella is. Ask Mary Poppins what happened :-)

When my father was ill, I got SOAKED, and there was a FLOOD

I also got swept into the RIVER and it carried me to an OCEAN, and the UNDERTOE pulled me down HARD and I held my breath for as long as I could. Then I swam up to the top, took many deep breaths, and headed my soaked and waterlogged body to the shore. After I shivered long enough, I learned to make a FIRE and I dried out.

Raindrops keep falling on my head; But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red; crying is not for me, because.....

Specializes in LDRP; Education.

Nebby, and everyone:

Please continue to share your stories. They don't detract from ME at all - they help me. They really do. It's amazing how many families are afflicted with this horrible, horrible disease.

My father is in one of his "upswings." Cleaning his house, trying to find an AA group, looking for work, etc. These times are very, very nice. It's the down ones that I hate....and they always come.

I live with an alcoholic aunt and also a am a student nurse, I know how much frustration there is whatching someone do this to themselfs. And I also know about the ups and downs. I heard that in some people it takes hitting rock bottom to come to terms with addiction. Mabe this last incident was your fathers "rock bottom" and concerning the psychic those are scary words to hear, but understand that a psychic can feed into your belief of the futur or a statistical futur. Had you been a gullable person you would have comletly believed this incident was related to the psychic's predictions but your families actions and your actions altered the course of a horrible destiny. Why else do you think Miss Cleo and all of her employees are doing so well in business.

Wishing you and your family all the best

Nancy

+ Add a Comment