Please Help Me - page 2
Hi. Some of you may have read in some of my other posts about my father. My father is 60 years old and and end-stage alcoholic. We have had him in 30 day programs and de-tox for 5 days, at least... Read More
Mar 13, '02Suzy K, you probably don't remember Norma Zimmer from the Lawrence Welk Show.... way before your time. She was one of his singers, a very beautiful and gifted woman. She wrote an autobiography entitled "Norma"--very good reading. Her father was an alcoholic. She relates one incident which tragically impacted her family. One day her father was walking in the park when a psychic approached him (actually, she said it was a Gypsy) and offered to read his palm. Her accepted... the psychic told him that he would have three children, the youngest would become famous, and that his son would end up killing him. What turmoil that produced in that family!!! Norma wrote that her father, in a drunken rage, often would take her brother by the throat, demanding "when are you going to kill me?" Of course, Norma DID become famous, but her brother Max never did kill her father. That one prophecy ruined her family and childhood. At their very best, psychics are fakes and charlatans, and at their worst, they are operating under a power that is not of God.
Mar 13, '02Suzy, I don't believe in psychics either.
I like the advice about putting the worry in a jar and go on with your life/routine, go back to the worry jar later maybe things won't look so dismal.
Keep the faith, hang in there and stay focused, I know it's not easy but you can do it.
Mar 13, '02One of my sisters who is now deceased was told by a psychic that her former spouse would die in a car accident when he was still a teenager (they dated in their teens). Her former husband is still alive and in his early fifties today. So, go figure!
When I was pregnant with my first child, a neighbor of mine brought over her ouija (sp?) board and had me place my hand on it, etc., and according to that board, I was going to have a 8 pound baby boy. Guess what??? I had a little girl who weighed just a little under 8 pounds! Psychic stuff my tutu! :chuckles:
Mar 13, '02Can't add any better advice Suzy except for been there with the dad. Except, my dad drank himself to death when I was sixteen, so just follow Renee's advice, love him as much as you can b/c nothing else is under your control. Wish my dad was still here to see my kids. Don't waste any time on that psychic crap!
Mar 13, '02Susy,
My dad is a recovering alcoholic as well. I don't know what else to say but that I'll keep you and your father in my prayers! Take care of yourself first and foremost!
Mar 13, '02Dear Susy K,
I must agree with every word grouchy has wrote. But I wish to add a little something also. I worked once on a Substance Abuse unit, and I met a counselor who was himself (as it is common) a former abuser. He told me that it took 13 TIMES for him to go through the "program"...BEFORE He GOT IT! He had been clean and sober for over 10yrs since that day.
I said all that to say this....NEVER GIVE UP! Your father may just be one of those....who just may GET IT...in the next "program" or the next. No matter how much we believe that those we love should be able to see how their behaviors are affecting us....many times ...it's not that they don't care....it's that they feel powerless or lack the courage or strength to effect the necessary changes.
I know your love for your father is strong...and it is your sincere wish to save him from himself. But you know it is he that must do the work and seek a higher power than we....to give him the strength to go thru the process.
But "I" do believe that the prayers of those who care for him, you and your family, avail much. I also believe we must live in the present......letting go of the reins we hold so tightly to, and let the Lord take care of what we can't.
I pray you will find comfort in the heatfelt words and prayers of those around you, and find the stength, to take care of what you can control, ..... letting go of what you have no control over, leaving it the hands of He who controls it all.Last edit by Brownms46 on Mar 13, '02
Mar 13, '02Thanks all for the words of encouragement. Now that 24 hours has passed since this whole psychic thing was spouted to me, I've calmed down a bit and lost that panic feeling. My paper is done now too.
I am really considering joining Al-Anon because, there just seems to be issues that my sister and mom and I just can't deal with - despite us all being reasonable, intelligent, educated adults. I've been dealing with this since my entire childhood - but sometimes, I just wish I could wave a wand and make it all change. I would give ANYTHING to make him better. ANYTHING at all.
Thank you so much for the words of wisdom on the pyschic. Sometimes it just takes someone else to remind you what is real and what is not. I really needed that last night. As loud-mouthed as I appear in text (and in public) deep down I am really quite scared and unsure of alot of things.:stone
Mar 14, '02Hey you are a human being? Now, that is a surprise!!! LOL
Keep it up and join that group!!
Take care, Renee
Mar 14, '02Suzy K,
Consider yourself (((HUGGED))), and while I'm at it, why don't I just plant a big :kiss on your cheek to make you feel better! Still praying for you and your family, especially your father. My own father was an alcoholic, but he would never accept that diagnosis. Funny how he stopped drinking so much after he and my mother divorced. Hmmm...just put those two together for the first time in 50 years! :chuckle [If I don't laugh, I'll cry....]
I think the suggestion made for you, your sister, and your mom to attend Al-Anon classes is a great idea! My sister went through Al-Anon with her three children due to their father's abuse with drugs and alcohol. Even though they ended up divorcing one another, the Al-Anon did help them to overcome many unresolved emotional issues between them.
Mar 14, '02Susy
The future is beyond your control and worrying about what might happen will only sap your energy. I think most psycics are quacks.
You can't help your dad or change him until he wants to change. Life is a choice. You need to accept your father for what and who he is. All you can do is love him, pray for him and be strong enough to stand back and take care of yourself. This is not being selfish. Your soul also needs to be nurtured. Try Al-Anon it works. My father is also an alcoholic and it's taken a lot of years to realize that I don't have the power to save him. I think your sister is co-dependent. Al-Anon will also help you with the co-dependent people in your life.
Mar 15, '02I'm glad to hear that you're feeling a little better. And, congratulations on finishing your paper despite the turmoil you are going through - you're a strong person!
When you get a chance, maybe during spring break, give yourself a chance to work through these emotions again if you still need to. Write in a journal, have a good cry, get it all out if it's still bothering you under the surface. Sometimes you need that.
Mar 15, '02Suzy, I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. I confess, I don't believe in psychic's either but I do believe in God and the power of prayer. Please join a group that can support you and look up. God's wisdom is above all and put your Dad in His hands. We cannot change the actions of others, no matter how much we want to or try. You must find a way to deal with this so it doesn't tear you apart. I have dealt with the alcoholic situation, though I won't bore you with the details. It's not YOUR fault and YOU cannot change it. I'm sending you a big hug and praying you find peace.
Mar 16, '02I thank everyone for their words of support.
Last night my mom called me and 2130 with panic in her voice, and I got this feeling in my gut that I've never gotten before. I fully expected her to tell me that dad is dead.
She told me that she went to his house (he is living in a house owned by our church's pastor - he's a family friend) and she said it was a wreck, dad was out of it, with various lacerations and injuries about him. There was blood everywhere as he was stumbling around; his pills were scattered everywhere. There didn't appear to be evidence of ETOH, but rather the ativan, zoloft and dilantin he is on. She called 911 but he refused to go - they treated him superficially and stopped the bleeding. The paramedics told my mom that she just has to "let him go."
We called my dad's sisters who we are somwhat estranged from, to alert them. We all feel that the violent ending the pscyhic told my sister of will come true - if not from a car accident but some other violent means. It seems imminent and there is nothing I can do. Nothing.
This is the hardest thing I've had to deal with. I went to bed after the phone call; I couldn't even continue looking at my Crate and Barrel catalog. I feel guilty smiling or even eating. I feel so helpless, lost and out of control. This is so hard to watch this. I love my dad so much - but sometimes, I think it's better if he died.
Just an update for those of you who are interested. Perhaps the psychic was right afterall.