Please give me some advice

  1. Thank you in advance to anyone who would be willing to take a few minutes to give me advice on this. I am working as a staff nurse on a med-surg floor. I have been at this job for about 4 months now, and only off orientation for 2 1/2 months. I like the job alot but I desperately want to quit. I moved to another, bigger city, thinking it would be a great change and that I would like it alot better. However, I'm 14 hours away from all my family and friends. I love the city I'm living in, its why I moved, and the job is great, but I am so miserable. I want to move back to where I came from. I cry all the time, I started having really bad anxiety, I can't sleep, and I have no appetite. I have bought so many plane tickets to go home for the weekend that I will go broke if I keep it up. And my parents and friends are spending alot of money flying out to see me because they miss me and feel bad that I am homesick. It would be financially challenging but manageable to move again. The thing is, I feel so bad about quitting this job only a few months off orientation. My coworkers have been so nice and helpful. Some of them really went out of their way to help me meet people and learn my way around a new city. It is a well-staffed unit-they'll be just fine without me, but I can't bring myself to do it. Do you think they'll understand? I want to be fair and give 4 weeks notice but am nervous about whether it will be uncomfortable. I'm going to wait until after the holidays to put in my resignation but just don't know how to approach it. I also got a relocation bonus and in return am supposed to stay a year. Am I obligated to stay?? Can I pay it back and leave on good terms? Will it look bad when I am looking for another job that I left this job after only 5 or 6 months? I worked at my previous job for 3 years and left there in very good standing. I am proud of myself for having the courage to try such a big change, but I know now its not right for me. Sorry for the long post. Thanks!
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  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   Dolce
    :icon_hug: Sorry you are really going through it. I moved away from everyone I knew once and was sooo miserable. It was terrible. I didn't relate to anyone there. I didn't know anybody and didn't really want to get to know people because I had "exit mentality" really bad. I think you should make up your mind about when you should go and then you can decide how you are going to tolerate it in the mean time. If you choose to stay a year then you will need to build some sort of a support system. If you feel like you cannot tolerate it any longer than just say so to your boss. I have a feeling they will understand if you explain the situation to them. If you can stay a year it would look better on your resume, but sometimes true misery forces us to make decisions that don't look good on our resume.

    I'm sure you will make the right decision. :icon_hug:
  4. by   Valerie Salva
    It will look much better on your resume if you stay a year. Also, you would have to pay the sign-on bonus back if you leave before the date specified in the bonus agreement.
    Are you sure you want to leave a good job in med surg? It is very rare to hear a nurse in med surg saying the they can even tolerate their job, much less that they like it!

    If possible, I really think it would be best to stay the full year, but only you know if you can do this. Sometimes, we have to do what we need to do for our own sanity and well being, even if it would not be the "best" thing to do.
  5. by   ladyluck091
    go home girl--life is too short to be miserable--nobody says u cant make a mistake --just be glad its something so easily fixable--and just tell a potential employer the truth--nurses move around alot--most places are just so glad to have someone to hire they dont even ask questions
  6. by   sharlynn
    Quote from ladyluck091
    go home girl--life is too short to be miserable--nobody says u cant make a mistake --just be glad its something so easily fixable--and just tell a potential employer the truth--nurses move around alot--most places are just so glad to have someone to hire they dont even ask questions
    I agree. I would hope your employer would understand. Pay back the bonus and go back where your heart is!
  7. by   LiverpoolJane
    I feel it is a shame that you are having a rough time. I feel inclined to advise you to stick it out as I am sure it will get better.
    My advice is to set yourself a date that you will make your final decision on. I mean, say to yourself, if I stll feel the same way on 10th January the I WILL resign and go home. That way it is not too far away and will take the pressure off you hopefully. Then try and set yourself a goal for each weekend that will challange you a little a build your confidence in yourself.
    I worked in a job which meant I had to stay away from home a lot. I found this nerve racking at first but then I would push myself a little more each time I was away. At first I would only get room service, I wouldn't go to the hotel resturant, so my first goal was to have my evening meal in the hotel resturant - then it was no big deal. I won't go on as I'm sure you know what I mean.
    If you set yourself a date you know you only have so many weeks to go and if you still feel no better then you need to resign and go home.
    I hope you do settle and stay as it sounds that you work with a nice group of people and I suspect that you have not built up any friendships because you are spending all your spare time with your family?
    Whatever happens I really hope you are happy - keep us informed of the outcome. Jane
    Last edit by LiverpoolJane on Dec 4, '07 : Reason: correction
  8. by   nghtfltguy
    well...

    im gonna have to agree w/ jane...
    you should try to stick it out.. or set a date..
    sounds to me like you are really young and scared to be away from home..
    there is nothing wrong w/ that....
    but....
    if you like your job so much.. then realize you can't be w/ your parents forever..
    if you quit a job that you like cause you miss mommy ...well...
    im not gonna even comment on that...
    you are a nurse now...
    i wish you the best of luck...
    im sure you will do fine and make the right choice... for you~

    Last edit by nghtfltguy on Dec 4, '07
  9. by   YellowFinchFan
    Quote from RDFloRN
    I'm going to wait until after the holidays to put in my resignation but just don't know how to approach it. I also got a relocation bonus and in return am supposed to stay a year. Am I obligated to stay?? Can I pay it back and leave on good terms? Will it look bad when I am looking for another job that I left this job after only 5 or 6 months? I worked at my previous job for 3 years and left there in very good standing. I am proud of myself for having the courage to try such a big change, but I know now its not right for me. Sorry for the long post. Thanks!

    You aren't a new nurse - because most 1st yr RNs have a hard time adjusting to their new job. If you wait till after the holidays that would show you didn't want to leave them in a pinch (holiday staffing woes!)
    and just make sure you have a "plan". Start putting together a resume for jobs around where you are from/want to live. Once you set a date in your mind I bet you will start feeling better. You'll then have a goal date to make and you will be able to manage the blues you have better.

    You learned a big lesson about yourself and that living near family and friends is important to you - its true for most of us!

    The nurses will understand at your job - and we've had many nurses leave us and come back because the 'grass isn't always greener'etc...so most likely your old job will take you back too!

    Take care - feel better - and have a happy holiday!
  10. by   traumaRUs
    I was in a little bit different situation: I enlisted in the military because I was tired of living in a dinky little town. So...off I went. I got assigned to Japan (impossible to go home weekends - lol). I made friends with others in the same boat: young and away from home for the first time. Is that possible? I'm with the folks that say stick it out for a year but in my mind, you have to psych yourself up for this. You need to join activities where there are other new folks: church, nursing organizations in your area, activities at the hospital where you work.

    It is important to learn some independent living and coping skills. With the internet, cell phones, etc., you still stay in contact with everyone at home. However, you can enjoy new adventures too. Just don't dwell on "the way things are at home."

    Take care - in the end its your decision.
  11. by   BrnEyedGirl
    Go home!!!!
  12. by   linzz
    I moved when I was in my early twenties away from home and my friends and it was very hard at first but I had to stick it out, as there was no future for me in my home town. Well, now it is years later and I don't want to move back to my home town at all. I am not telling you what to do, just that things do change in time. It took me years to feel comfortable and become adjusted to where I am. I would give it a year at least. JMO.
  13. by   SuesquatchRN
    Oh, you poor thing.

    I have to say, though, that you should visit your doctor. Crying all the time is not normal, even for someone very homesick, and you should really see if there is anything underlying the depression.

    :kiss
  14. by   anonymurse
    Buy a cheap webcam for yourself and your family and most important friends and use Yahoo Messenger to do video phone calls. Check http://www.airfarewatchdog.com/ and set it up to email you of bargain flights.

    Also you need to get out and make friends where you are. When my daughter went to work in a totally strange town, although she's not a churchgoing type, she joined a church and instantly got a ton of caring friends and worthwhile activities.

    Actually, she's a great example of a blend of the above approaches. She and her elder sister call each other daily.

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