Patients say the DARNDEST things!

  1. Ok so I was watching TV (a rare event for me) and some sitcom reminded me of a hilarious thing a 14-year-old mama-to-be said to me. See, I was about 7 mo pregnant...She looked up at me from the bed with huge doe-like eyes and asked me:

    "Are you pregnant?" ----- I replied, "Yes I am actually due not long after you" .....to which she replies:.... "WHAT??!! you must be older than my mama, ain't you too OLD to be doing this stuff anymore?".....(I was 36). At this point, I am trying not to laugh...it seems tooooo bizarre discussing my OLD AGE with a 14-year-old *pregnant* girl! I wanted to ask: (yes it was on the tip of my tongue)..... "too old to be pregnant or too old to be doing what it takes to GET THAT WAY?"

    I had to leave the room, I almost pee'd my pants laughing so hard. Little things entertain me at night, I guess. So what is the funniest thing a patient has said to YOU? Please share, I need a good laugh; they say it is good medicine!:roll
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  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   Dayray
    Yesterday I was teaching a new Mom how to get her baby to latch on to the breast. She had him at the breast and I was showing her how to get the baby to open wide by rubbing his lip. The father walked in and said (to the baby) "want me to show you how its done Johnny?"

    Had to laugh at that one =)
  4. by   live4today
    When I was a student nurse going through my pediatric rotation, a four year old patient said to me "You're not a wheel nurse!" as she put her little arm on her hip. :chuckle

    [You see, the 'real nurses' on her floor did not wear white uniforms or nursing caps as the students had to do.]
  5. by   LilgirlRN
    Had an elderly aristocratic southern woman come in one night, I can't remember what was wrong with her. It was very busy (as usual) in the ER that night and she had been waiting for about an hour for a disposition after her 4 hour work-up. I went in to check on her I apologized to her for the delay. She asked what time I got to go home. This little old lady seemed A&O x3 and had been very proper. I told her I didn't get to go home until 7 in the morning and she said in her long southern drawl "Well bless your fu**ing little heart." I had to leave to keep from laughing in the white haired, rocking in the rocking chair, sweet as sugar looking granny's face.
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Ok here is another one:

    I had a beautiful and very young African-American mommy in labor, back in Oklahoma. Her WHOLE family was around, to make sure we took really good care of her. Her GREAT-GRAMMA, who in my estimation was about 85 or so, came to the head of the bed, and pulled me aside:

    "Girl you know that is one smart baby in that woman's stomach. You be sure to give them your BEST"

    Me: "yes ma'am I intend to do just that. "

    Grannie: "bet you don't know how i KNOW that is a smart baby in there do you????"

    Me: "no ma'am I am not sure I do."

    Grannie: "Figures, you medical types think you know it all but you know from nuthin'...Girl, that baby is smart cause I done heard him talk and cry from the womb....ANY one with a BRAIN knows that means intelligence! Don't you know ANYTHING?" and she shakes her head and walks away, astounded at how stupid the labor nurse is.

    Me: "No I learn something new everyday. Thanks for sharing that wisdom w/me". Yes, I said it with a straight face. Who knows, maybe she is right?

    They say the DARNDEST things.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Jun 4, '02
  7. by   MPHkatie
    Little bitty older dialysis pt arrives in the ED, has only one arm available for an IV, I have a hard time getting the IV- her veins just were hard as rocks, anyway, very polite, articulate son asks me "What is the value of getting blood from a vein instead of just anywhere in the body?" I really managed to be quite pleasant... and give a small physio lecture for about the next three minutes.
  8. by   st4304
    I posted this story about 2 years ago, so forgive me for repeating it:

    We were preparing to do a TEE on an elderly woman and I had removed her teeth. The doc liked to talk to the patients before we sedated them, so she had received no sedation so far. After the doc walked in and gave his little pep talk, he said, "Let's get started." Her reply was:

    "When are you goin' to give me the medicine that makes me come?"

    I looked at the doc and he looks at me, then we both look at her and say, "What?" She says, slower and louder:

    "When are you goin' to give me the medicine that makes me come?"

    We both were standing there looking at her, rather stupidly I might add, when the doc finally says, "Are you saying 'calm'?"

    "Hell, yeah! Whatchoo think Ah'm sayin'?"

    I could not look at that doc through the rest of the test without cracking up!

    To this day, I tease him about it! "I don't need no man, I just need Versed!"

    Your friend in stamping out cardiac disease,

    Sherri
  9. by   SmilingBluEyes
    ROFL sherri... I love it! ty for sharing!
  10. by   zudy
    I was DCing an IV from a pts arm, trying to be careful because her skin was fragile ( years of steriods ) and I didn't want to tear it. The pt in all seriosness looked up at me and said, " why don't you nurses ever srart my IVs with the kind of tape that isn't sticky?" I told her when I found tape that didn't stick to anything, I would always use it on her.
  11. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Had to bump this one... could use a laugh tonight!
  12. by   maddynrs
    Quote from st4304
    I posted this story about 2 years ago, so forgive me for repeating it:

    We were preparing to do a TEE on an elderly woman and I had removed her teeth. The doc liked to talk to the patients before we sedated them, so she had received no sedation so far. After the doc walked in and gave his little pep talk, he said, "Let's get started." Her reply was:

    "When are you goin' to give me the medicine that makes me come?"

    I looked at the doc and he looks at me, then we both look at her and say, "What?" She says, slower and louder:

    "When are you goin' to give me the medicine that makes me come?"

    We both were standing there looking at her, rather stupidly I might add, when the doc finally says, "Are you saying 'calm'?"

    "Hell, yeah! Whatchoo think Ah'm sayin'?"

    I could not look at that doc through the rest of the test without cracking up!

    To this day, I tease him about it! "I don't need no man, I just need Versed!"

    Your friend in stamping out cardiac disease,

    Sherri




    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! Wish I had learned that ages ago!
    m.

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