Patients Say the Darnedest Things

  1. nurse-week-2017-
  2. With some of the things patients say, Nurses sometimes wonder if they are on a hidden camera TV show! Weird, wacky or even touching, those phrases stick with us. Think of your favorite thing a patient has said, submit it in the comments below and you’ll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!

    Winner will be announced May 16, 2017

    2017 National Nurses Week - 7 Days of Giveaways
    Last edit by Joe V on May 4
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  3. 400 Comments

  4. by   NotAllWhoWandeRN
    "If you don't learn to behave, we're going to have to put you in some kind of home!" Said one resident to another in the locked memory care facility where I worked.
  5. by   knurse10
    "Show me how to work this bed alarm so it doesn't go off."
  6. by   AJJKRN
    "Can't I leave to go smoke and then just come back to my room?"
  7. by   NurseSpeedy
    Patient: "I'll be right back! I have to leave to go to my methadone clinic right now but I will come right back".

    This was an ER that we spent over an hour and several attempts to FINALLY get IV access.

    Nurse: "If you leave you will have to sign out AMA and we will have to remove the IV before you go. You can come back and start the process over if you choose".

    Patient: "You can leave the IV in, really. I'll be right back after I get my methadone."

    Nurse: "It doesn't work that way".

    True story. It takes a lot to amaze me. Hearing this patient at first rendered me speechless. She was dead serious too.
  8. by   cecile9155
    Had a new patient who was concerned about her insulin dose being too high and asked me to wake her up and check her blood sugar again at 2 am. When I did, it was well over 300. Her response, "Well, it might have been the chocolate bunny I ate."
  9. by   NurseSpeedy
    "Hey, I need to borrow your scissors " Says confused patient in restraints
  10. by   Kackl
    Explaining to a teenage boy how straight cathing work. He looks in horror after exposing to him where the tube goes and says "what do you mean up?"
  11. by   MrsVito26
    A new dialysis patient was wheeled in to our acute unit. The first thing she said to us was, "Are you going to steal my soul?!"
  12. by   Purple_roses
    Elderly patient: "I've always been religious and have always believed in heaven, but I just don't know anymore. I mean, how in the world are we all going to fit up there?"

    For the record, I made her feel better by quoting The Lion King...she just didn't know that's where I was getting my "wisdom."
  13. by   traumaholic
    "I don't know how that got up there, just take me to the ER"
  14. by   NurseSpeedy
    I walked into a pre-op patient's room and introduced myself. I was looking up her labs when she asked me out of the blue, "have you ever walked in on a dead patient before?"....what the hell? Me, "I prefer my patients pink and breathing".
  15. by   Lorilu25
    A lady came into the ER with flight of ideas and I had only ever read about it. She said to me "I am pregnant because my boss said my blood sugar was high and don't give me any BS because I am the head of the CIA and I will know" I thought someone was playing a joke on me at first.

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