Patients boyfriend gets naked - page 4

So I'm working noc shift on a surgical floor and I'm caring for a 19 year old woman who had had neck surgery the day before. Her boyfriend comes to the floor to visit around 4 am which I felt was a... Read More

  1. by   NPinWCH
    When I was a student doing OB clinicals I was given report that a 16 yr old primip who had been in antepartum for PTL had delivered about an hour 1/2 ago and the RN had already finished her recovery, but I should do my asssessment then move her over into postpartum. She had some horrible delivery and ended up with an epis that extended to a 3rd degree tear.

    The door was open, but the curtain was pulled and as I knocked on the door I heard the girl crying. I entered, before anyone could answer and found her lying on her back at the edge of the bed with her 20 yr old boyfriend (excuse my lack of finesse) literally pounding away at her. She was sobbing and telling him to stop. I ran around the bed and grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him off of her.

    He started cussing me out, telling me to stay out of his business and threatening to hit me. I hit the code blue button on the wall, figuring that would be the quickest way to get help, which it was. His pants were still around his ankles, and blood was EVERYWHERE when the team started to show up. He then began threatening everyone and had pulled a knife out of his shirt pocket.

    The girl was curled into a ball on the bed and I quickly tried to get her covered up, and she kept saying, "Just leave him alone, Jimmy, just calm down and they'll let you go."

    Security showed up, the cops showed up and Jimmy was arrested for sexual assault and possesion of crack and attempted assault. Later, after the attending had redone her repair the pt. told me that Jimmy had shown up and, "Well, since I had all that preterm labor and we weren't allowed to 'do it' I had told him that as soon as the baby was born I'd let him have some. When he showed up today he wanted it, so I gave it to him. I don't want to lose him, he's really good to me."

    Jimmy was out on bond by the end of the day and never showed up for his hearing, so I have no clue where things ended. The baby went to the girls foster mother.

    The RNs who worked that unit (a large inner city hospital) told me that things like that happened from time to time...Thankfully, not where I work now.
  2. by   TweetiePieRN
    Quote from caliotter3
    As a CNA, I worked at a LTC facility where I was told that a man would come in occasionally and rape his wife. She had a stroke and was paralyzed and could not speak, but her eyes told everything a person needed to know. The tears would flow after her husband left. There were 3 other residents in the room. They had to put up with this. He would close the door and pull the curtain around her area. The nurses would act like "see no evil, hear no evil, etc." but they could certainly talk about it. A few years later, guess who ended up as a resident in the same facility? I actually heard some of the nurses stating what they had in store for him and what kind of care he was (was not) getting. They were being vicious about it and said he deserved every bit of what he was getting. At least the poor soul, that was his wife, did not have to endure his "husbandly" rapes any longer. He could not get to her room.
    Just because the woman was shedding some tears after sex does not equal rape. You said she couldn't speak. How can you interpret what she is feeling?

    Maybe she is mourning because she can not fully participate in sex like she used to be able to. Maybe she is sad because she cannot even express to her husband how nice it feels to still have him love her like that. Maybe she misses her husband after he leaves. Sex gets me emotional sometimes, but it sure doesn't mean I was just raped.
  3. by   muffie
    where is that 50 cc syringe full of betadine ???? oops, sorry
  4. by   Patrick57
    Quote from TweetiePieRN
    Just because the woman was shedding some tears after sex does not equal rape. You said she couldn't speak. How can you interpret what she is feeling?

    Maybe she is mourning because she can not fully participate in sex like she used to be able to. Maybe she is sad because she cannot even express to her husband how nice it feels to still have him love her like that. Maybe she misses her husband after he leaves. Sex gets me emotional sometimes, but it sure doesn't mean I was just raped.

    From a legal point of view, this can be considered rape, as she can not communicate her desire to participate. Being her husband does not justify he can do as he wants with her.
    Nope, this is rape.
  5. by   jill48
    I remember learning about the hierarchy of human needs and sex was one of them. We were taught in school (eleven years ago) that we have to allow patients to have sex with their significant others. Now, of course, this means only if it is medically safe for the patient, and in a private room.
  6. by   Cattitude
    Quote from rninwch

    security showed up, the cops showed up and jimmy was arrested for sexual assault and possesion of crack and attempted assault. later, after the attending had redone her repair the pt. told me that jimmy had shown up and, "well, since i had all that preterm labor and we weren't allowed to 'do it' i had told him that as soon as the baby was born i'd let him have some. when he showed up today he wanted it, so i gave it to him. i don't want to lose him, he's really good to me."

    jimmy was out on bond by the end of the day and never showed up for his hearing, so i have no clue where things ended. the baby went to the girls foster mother.

    the rns who worked that unit (a large inner city hospital) told me that things like that happened from time to time...thankfully, not where i work now.
    omg!!! what do these girls think of themsleves? this is so sad on so many levels. just sad...
    [color=#483d8b]
  7. by   imenid37
    An antepartum patient asked me on night shift about having sex w/ her boyfriend because he was "asking for it all the time." I told her that because she had ruptured membranes and preterm labour she shouldn't be having sex w/ him. The house doc had also spoken to her and given her the same advice.
    The dayshift nurse went in her room to give her terbutaline and found the boyfriend giving her a bath while he was in a state of complete undress.

    The folowing week, the patient was lying in bed watching tv while the boyfriend was in the shower w/ a female friend of the patient. He had "needs" according to the patient.
  8. by   lupin
    God, there seems to be some horror stories in these posts.
    When I worked in longterm care I was on the Alzheimer's ward in a catholic-based facility. There was also an independent living complex associated with the facility. We had quite a few couples who had one spouse in the Alzheimer's unit and one in the independent apts. One couple used to go to activities together quite a lot. The wife had Alzheimer's, the husband did not. But we were made aware when he started taking her away from activities and taking her to his apt then locking the door. Her doctor started asking some questions about it when she started having recurring UTI's and an increase in combative behavior with pericare and bathing. Come to find out the husband was on Viagra. So SW and the Doc and nurses pulled him aside and told him what he was basically doing was rape since she could no longer consent and it was putting her health at risk. He was mad and said that she was his wife and had always been there for him that way but if it was going to get him in trouble he would stop. Well, then he stopped visiting her altogether and could be seen going to the cafeteria with his widowed female neighbors. Like that was all she was good for. Not too soon after he had a stroke with left side deficit and could barely walk. Then he started visiting his wife more and actually spending time with her. Whenever he went back to the stepdown unit, she would kiss him and tell us she just got back from a date. In that case I don't know if it was legitimate rape (if there is such a word) because the husband didn't understand what he was doing was wrong, but (this sounds so bad) their relationship seemed to improve after his stroke.
    In the hospital, I work on a spinal floor. Some patients will ask about sex after their surgeries and how long they should wait. We have that as part of the discharge packets that we give them. As far as walking in on sex in the hospital, I equate it with smoking. If you need it bad enough that you're willing to do it in your room, then you're well enough to go home and forgo the IVP Pain meds.
    BTW, in the cases of longterm hospital stays, I can see wanting intimacy if you've had a grave diagnosis and want to be close to your loved one, but whenever I'm sick (esp. nauseated) I don't want to be toouched like that at all.
  9. by   Julie_Bean
    I don't see what the big deal is if a patient wants their significant other naked in the bed with them or to enact in sexual deeds so long as they are in a private room and it doesn't compromise her/his health or other plan of care. We are suppose to knock before entering anyway. If that was done it would probably prevent a lot of surprises, as far as this kind of things goes, for the staff.
  10. by   ChaosRN777
    sorry all, except for extreme situations, sex in the hospital setting is rather inappropriate. This is a place that one might clearly call a public place, and in most states sex in public is illegal, also i agree with an earlier post, if you can do it, do it at "home".
    i work in psych so there is a whole other area of capacity to "give consent" and our facility has strict regs governing this area. a family filed assault charges on behalf of their hospitalized member dispite her contention that she wanted to engage in the act.
    there are certain behaviors that have, in some circles, gained the status of "rights", and have taken on the power of not being allowed to be questioned, or denied..... sex should not be on that list, (neither should smoking!) hospitals are for care and treatment...
  11. by   deb75855
    where have all the flowers gone?? lolol gees in the 70"s it was put the pts tp bed and have a roll with the tern of your choice! lolol so many changes :blushkiss
  12. by   Diamond Nurse
    multiple responses
    1. ECF pt masturbates no matter how we tuck him in, this guy can't even feed himself
    2. man fondles a wife who cant speak but cries when he "visits" busted with zinc oxide.
    3. comatose male pt finds his penis every nght .... even non-responsive and on a vent
    4. woman with an arterial shower of clots masturbates constantly
    5. young male caught giving oral sex to g/f by new nurse who now blushes every time the staff wipes their lips

    been a nurse 21 years seen alot,
    peace
  13. by   Cattitude
    Quote from lupin
    . as far as walking in on sex in the hospital, i equate it with smoking. if you need it bad enough that you're willing to do it in your room, then you're well enough to go home and forgo the ivp pain meds.
    btw, in the cases of longterm hospital stays, i can see wanting intimacy if you've had a grave diagnosis and want to be close to your loved one, but whenever i'm sick (esp. nauseated) i don't want to be toouched like that at all.
    and you summed it up very well covering both acute and ltc. i just don't understand all the approvers.
    [color=#483d8b]
    [color=#483d8b]well enough to do the deed, go home. no i'm not going to close the door and give you your privacy. it's not the ramada and this is not the honeymoon suite.
    [color=#483d8b]i can't even imagine being in a stinky hospital and feeling amorous, yuck! don't these people know what has pooled and stagnated on those mattresses??? :uhoh21:
    [color=#483d8b]
    [color=#483d8b]

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