oh shyt

  1. i had the MOST disgusting patient last night.
    he has an unusual bowel regimine.....
    stay home with no bowel movement for weeks, get admitted to the hospital then get digitally disimpacted by surgery.
    repeat cycle

    for 12 hours i watched him make himself throw up, on the floor of course
    "why did you throw up on the floor?"
    "i couldnt make it to the bathroom"
    (100 cc's clear liquid...looked like an emergency to me)

    threw up in his bed, in the pan, on the floor...DESPITE zofran
    (it didnt work, can i have milk of magnesia?)

    i had to give him morphine before the lucky surgeons disimpacted him. i pushed the morphine and he says "dont you have saline to go with that?"
    (something about a scuzz bag telling me how to do my job rubs me the wrong way)

    once he got bored with puking it was time to start on the poop.
    he decided to try disimpacting himself on his bed. (why didnt he do that at home?)
    he had poop on the bed, poop on the floor.
    after a few rounds of that..i LOVED my assistant...he wanted her to wash him...she brought him in water and cloths and made him do himself...that ended the bedside disimpaction gala.

    for extra excitement he alternated between making himself vomit and poop on the floor...of course he had to call me and let me know what he was doing. one of the nurses i was working with informed me that he was walking around his room with his gown open, azz sticking out with a nice big piece of poop hanging out while making himself vomit.
    (i wanted to ask him to marry me but then i remembered i am engaged)

    FINALLY i had to go in his room and i was slightly annoyed with this behavior...
    i SCREAMED....
    IT IS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOU TO MOVE YOUR BOWELS IN YOUR BED. YOU GET YOURSELF UP RIGHT NOW AND GET IN THAT BATHROOM AND MOVE YOUR BOWELS.

    he says proudly
    "i have a surprise for you. go look in the bathroom"
    i was terrified but i had to look.
    he pooped...in the toilet...on the toilet...on the seat....on the floor.
    it stunk SOOOOOOO bad.

    "is there something wrong with you where you cant flush the toilet?"

    "i wanted you to see it"

    you know...i cant think of a more appropriate way for my shift to end.
    •  
  2. 64 Comments

  3. by   fedupnurse
    He sounds like he needs a psych consult stat. What a wacko!
  4. by   ceecel.dee
    Do repeaters like that get a "nursing home talk" at your hospital?
  5. by   RN-PA
    He sounds like he needs a psych consult stat. What a wacko!
    I totally agree with fedupnurse, thisnurse. This guy needs MAJOR help!

    Incredible. :stone
  6. by   l.rae
    OMG!! Did you draw the short straw?????? I hate CODE BROWN!

    :angryfire: THis is why I work ER . Seldom have the same looser 2 days in a row...They come...they go...know what I mean?

    LR
  7. by   l.rae
    PS: If it's any consolation, this is the best worst POOP story I've ever heard (I've heard my share in 22 years!) You must be a saint I think I would have handed him a mop and a pail.
  8. by   nursedawn67
    :imbar After I stopped gagging I wondered how long it took to get a psych consultant...if one was even obtained!!!!!! It's one things when its someone that doesn't know any better, but just plain mean and nasty and vindictive when someone somewhat in their right minds does it just to pi** you off!! :angryfire :imbar
  9. by   thisnurse
    i dunno if they are getting a psych consult or not....im thinking that the attending who keeps admitting him needs that consult.
    i guess i am a saint since i let the jerk live.
    i was waiting for the elevator and the transport team was taking him downstairs in the pt elevators ....he says....

    you had a long night didnt you nurse
    (you have to be kidding)

    yeah

    thanks for all your help nurse
    (eat shyt)

    ANYWAY....i am off for 3 GLORIOUS DAYS....shyt man will be gone when i get back.
    next month when he comes back we should ALL REFUSE to accept him as an admission. ..i know i will
  10. by   Stargazer
    i wanted to ask him to marry me but then i remembered i am engaged
    BWAH HA HA!

    thisnurse, I am so sorry you had such a disgusting night. But just think how much good karma the universe owes you now!
  11. by   ageless
    this is the first post, that while reading, I actually laughed out loud.

    Holy impacted imbecile, batman!
  12. by   WashYaHands
    <note to self> STOP reading allnurses bulletin board during lunch break. lol

    Linda
  13. by   CATHYW
    You poor thing! This guy needed to have his face wiped with one of those washcloths-know what I mean?
    That is SO dizzzgusting! Poop is the only thing that flips me out, and that started after I had a REPEAT dialysis patient (lost count of the times he was on our tele floor for 'electrolyte imbalance") who alwyas had to be "disimpacted." This SOB would actually moan and groan and take on (as in the sounds of orgasm) while I was back there scooping sh** out of his rear end. One evening,, I'd had it. I told him he could get up and walk around, so I expected him to get himself to the bathroom whenever he felt the need for a "disimpaction" coming on! You see, he would pull this 2 or 3 times a shift. For some reason, that put a stop to it, and then, for some reason, he stopped being admitted to our floor. Thank GOD!
  14. by   fedupnurse
    Maybe the doc (who definetly needs a psych consult) needs to be called all night long with each and every antic this nut does! Saint? You've got my vote. I would have found a cork and a blakemore tube and had my way with the creep. Then I would have done the same to his doctor!
    Enjoy your days off!!

close