nursing isn't for everyone

Nurses General Nursing

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Inspired by the thread on the realities of nursing/healthcare vs. what people expect...

If you are having second thoughts about nursing school and/or entering the nursing profession, listen to your intuition. YOU know yourself better than anyone else - including well-meaning friends and family- and you know what is best for you.

People are fond of saying "it takes a special kind of person to be a nurse" and "not everyone is cut out for it" and while the often-condescending attitude implied in that is wrong, the premise is right. It takes a particular set of talents, interests, personality traits, and passion to be successful AND happy as a nurse- just like it takes a certain unique combination of attributes to be a chef, lawyer, au pair, day trader, plumber, cinematographer, computer programmer, or any other job you can possibly think of. Take an honest look at your talents, interests, and personality traits before you go to nursing school if you are having any doubts at all. If you feel you are better suited to something else, pursue that instead!

Also think about WHY you want to go into nursing. If nursing honestly doesn't appeal to you, don't go into it just for the money or the job security. (Healthcare is always changing and there is NO guarantee your job and/or salary won't be cut on a whim. It's happened before and it can happen again.)

Don't go into it to please other people. (YOU will be the one getting up at 5 am, holding your pee for hours, paying back your student loans, etc.)

Don't go into it thinking it's an easy way to fund your real passions and/or side business, or that it's a "fallback plan" to rely on while you try to make a living doing what you love. (If that's your line of thinking, imho you're more likely to be successful if you channel all the time, effort, money, and energy you would have spent getting a nursing degree and direct it toward what you really want. Nursing is a full-time job and then some, and they expect to be your #1 priority.)

I majored in violin performance in undergrad. After graduating I started teaching private students and playing local professional gigs - I was not rich obviously, but I was supporting myself independently and making it work.

My family, otoh, thought I was a failure and a disappointment because I didn't have a 9-5 career. "when are you going to grow up?", "XYZ's daughter is applying for law schools, and I have to tell people you teach violin lessons", "no one makes a living at music", "you're going to end up living in a box on the street with nothing if you don't go back to school and get a real job", etc.

When the recession hit in 2008, several of my students had to cut back or stop lessons because they couldn't afford as much, and I had two performance contracts cancelled because the organizations weren't getting their money either. I panicked and decided they were right and I had to go back to school for something "secure" and "professional". According to everyone, healthcare was the only sure thing left.

My intuition was saying "don't do it", and logically there was never anything to suggest that I would make a decent nurse (I'm not a nurturing person, I'm crap at science, I don't like working with sick people or old people, and I hated working as a CNA).

When I received an acceptance letter my first thought was "I could just shred the letter and tell everyone I was rejected".

When I started struggling with severe depression in nursing school, it scared me - I've always been a happy, generally positive person. If that's not a red flag that you're on the wrong path, I don't know what is. I've been working for a year, and I finally have to admit this isn't for me and I need to make a change.

So right now I'm working PRN and actively working on getting back into teaching and performing violin. I have so much regret about the time and money I spent doing something I never wanted to do- I can never get those 5 years back, and I will probably be on income-based student loan repayment until I'm 50, and going back to working for myself is scary because unlike nursing, there is no guaranteed weekly paycheck. But I also feel SO relieved. I'm starting to feel like myself again.

I just found this forum, and I've read several posts where people are either questioning if it's right for them, or regretting their decision and asking for advice on how to get out. Sorry for the excessively lengthy post, but I wish that even one person would have taken me aside while I was preparing to go to nursing school and said "you don't want to do this and you're not good at it; why are you doing this?"

And the scary thing is that I've met other people at work whose stories are much the same. The guy shadowing me who looked bored out of his mind all day and came alive when he talked about how he wanted to start a car detailing business and planned on using his nursing income to do that. (Wouldn't it make more sense to get a small business loan NOW and focus all your energy on that, than to spend four years doing something you don't care about and then try to divide your energy between nursing and starting your business?) The student who wanted to be a massage therapist but felt pressured by her family into getting a BSN and then an MSN because only a master's degree was prestigious enough for them. Anyway. If you recognize yourself in any of this, think really hard about whether nursing is right for you.

Hi Corp2healthcare!

I agree with the OP that whatever your passions are, pursue them and not something you know you will never enjoy just to please others.

On another note, I think you just wrote a part of my biography! I too got a BS degree in Computers from a CUNY College and I also worked as an Executive Assistant (making more money than I ever would as a Nurse at the bed side) but would NEVER want to do it again! I also have an MS degree that I have yet to utilize.

I belive that being in that position/type of work has allowed me to see how much I would rather be helping those who are TRUELY helpless. I got side tracked when I first entered college (was supposed to major in Biology) but I was 17 yrs old and let advisors steer me off my path. However, here I am years later, full circle, seeking a career in healthcare.

I'm starting nursing school next month and I'm going full force! Not letting anything or anyone hold me back!

Again, well written post by the OP and one that should make all potential nursing students dig deep to make sure they are doing what their hearts desire and not what makes others happy.

"I'm not a nurturing person, I'm crap at science, I don't like working with sick people or old people, and I hated working as a CNA"

Here's your sign.

Life's too short to spend it not doing something you like. I think I see that everyday at work, seeing sick people everyday makes me want to live life to the fullest and has made me question continuing in this profession. I like helping people but being around illness all the time is really starting to make me think negatively, I also am starting to nag everyone around me about their bad health habits and what is going to inevitably happen to them in 20 years and so I dont think I am a happy person to be around anymore... there's a saying that if you are doing what you love to do , you will never work a day in your life. How many people can actually say that they love what they do?

Specializes in Hospice and Palliative Care.

Dear Ceccia: I hope your story gives pause to the people who are thinking of nursing for the wrong reasons. However, don't regret what you've been through. You proved you could do it even though it's not right for you. You tried to please other people and if they're not satisfied with your attempt, you probably realize their approval is not worth the cost to your soul. Now you can devote yourself to what you love knowing that it's the right path for you and having tossed out at least one thing you don't want to do. It really is about the journey rather than the destination. Don't kick yourself for having learned a lesson, albeit an expensive one in more ways than one.

Specializes in ICU.

I've learned many lessons in life, especially this year. When I graduated high school in 1993 I was so done with school. I hated high school and did not want the trapped feeling anymore. So I went and got a job in retail. Worked in retail for many years. I hated it, but made good money. I worked in insurance for a while which was totally boring, and was a pharmacy tech, which I kinda liked but still not exactly what I wanted to do. I have always had an interest in the health field. After being a SAHM for 8 years and now divorcing, I am going to do exactly what I want. I realized what I want to do in life and am going for it. I don't regret my path at all in life, it just took me longer to get here than others. I think everything I have done in my life has happened for a reason. My philosophy is life is too short to live with regrets.

Specializes in Medical-Surgical, Telemetry/ICU Stepdown.

There are 1 million personalities out there and 1 million different outcomes. Nursing was also a second career for me-I started taking nursing school prereqs when I was about 30.

Everything worked out fine for me, even if my first career was drastically different. I have been a RN since 2008 and going very strong, despite being a man which is a challenge, it is a handicap, we don't have to deny it. I had a corporate cubicle-type of job before nursing. What made me a decent match for nursing was an outgoing personality (I grew up in Europe, traveled extensively, I'm bilingual) and a sense of humor (I like to laugh). Also, I really enjoyed healthcare sciences and got excellent grades in those courses (it seems like those classes were a real nightmare for some of my classmates at the time).

Every floor nurse has negative emotions from time to time, esp. when patients are being unappreciative, but as long as most days are good, you are on the right track.

I just want to remind you that whatever you do for a living, it's a responsibility, there is accountability, there are negative consequences and negative emotions if you screw up, but occasional bad days is not a reason to declare you failed and your career has been a failure. When a day is not going well, a stock broker experiences very similar emotions to a nurse's emotions during a bad day, but it doesn't mean she a bad broker or in the wrong career field. It's OK to have negative emotions about nursing from time to time, the only people who believe in a perpetually happy nurse are the fat, lazy managers who sit on their ivory tower in the corporate offices and celebrate because they no longer have patient contact.

Also, I do believe you can have backup career/hobbies/interests outside of nursing. I mean it's a full-time job, even if you nurse just 3 days per week, you can't call off because you have violin practice that day, nursing has to be the priority, but it's perfectly OK to have a life outside of nursing, to take art classes, to give violin lessons, whatever you like to do. If you don't have a life outside of nursing, that's kind of depressing and something is wrong.

Nursing, of all the professions, is one of the most flexible careers out there, and gives you plenty of time off to pursue other interests and develop as a person.

I don't know, I guess I'm a different person from the author of this post. I'm a pragmatic. I don't believe in the "all or nothing attitude" ("I will become a symphony violinist or I don't want to live"). I had an all-or-nothing attitude when I was a juvenile, but as I got older my thinking became flexible. Never had a clue I was going to be a nurse, never had any nursing ambitions when I was in my 20s, but once I got into nursing, and things started to work out just fine, I was grateful for this opportunity to learn something completely different, and make decent money in the process. I adjusted my career expectations, and never had regrets about it.

Please dont fry me,but i used nursing to get out of deep poverty.

i have been a nurse since age 20.

i dont think anyone enjoys working tbh.

I dont know if i have time to pursue other interests,as i have to work 80hrs a week to stay in the middle class

I got into nursing because I wanted to be a nurse, and i still have those same feelings- is this really what I want to do? Depression after a crappy shift, annoyance at the drama at work, etc etc, Something to think about. Even us born to be nurses rethink it!

Specializes in Critical Care.

Nursing may not be perfect, but it is fairly well paying and more flexible than most other jobs. You can work 3 12 hr shifts and get benefits such as health insurance and retirement. I don't know any other jobs that offer that option. Also to the violinist you pursued nursing simply because the violin teaching wasn't working out due to the economy. If you had not gone into nursing what else would you have done? Would it have paid the bills? Would it have given you benefits? Would you have been able to do it without going into more student loan debt?

Right now you say you are working PRN, some places even offer benefits, though not as often as if you are regular staff. The hard part with nursing is finding a job you like that has decent working conditions, not being overworked and understaffed, and finding a spot that is not too stressful to you. If you can find such a gig, you could have a secure job with benefits and do your violin teaching on the side. That seems more practical than giving up nursing and going full time into violin teaching when you yourself know it is not practical and when money's tight, that is a place families will cut back. Plus if you have your own business you have to provide your own health insurance and pay double social security taxes, etc. Many people have avocations outside of work that add joy and meaning to their life. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing choice as the other person also suggested.

Unless a person is rich or born or marries into wealth, they have to work for a living, and your passion for violins doesn't translate into a practical job by itself. If you are very talented and able to get a job for a symphony in a major city then perhaps you could simply play the violin and make a living at it. But how many jobs like that are available? Even most actors (the majority who are not famous) accept this reality and work other jobs such as waitressing to pay the bills while they try out for a play or movie.

You say you have a lot of student loans, but I would imagine you had student loans from studying violin in the first place unless you got scholarships. At least nursing allows you to pay back the student loans as the other schooling doesn't offer a reliable paycheck. So I wouldn't advise giving up nursing, but rather examine what aspects of it haven't worked for you and what you could do differently. You said you started at a SNF (nursing home), that would be very difficult for anyone due to the very high patient ratios. If you could try a good hospital or clinic or doctors office, where there are good patient ratios and working conditions you might feel differently. Also the first year is difficult for almost everyone as the reality is not what you had imagined and there is so much to learn! You realize how little you know that first year, but with time your skill and confidence can grow if you give it a chance and find a good place to work!

If nothing else, a good nursing gig pays the bills and provides some security while you work on getting your violin business off the ground. Sounds like you could have benefited from some very real business classes and skills to turn your passion into a successful business. I would try to learn all I could about developing a small business. One can find free info online or at the library and even some community colleges offer help for launching a small business, but it takes work and there are no guarantees.

When I was young I once knew someone who played the cello, but couldn't make a living at it or pay off the student loans so she was perpetually enrolled in college to keep the student loans at bay. She performed once a week at a fancy restaurant and performed at the university. I don't know what happened to her, but I imagined eventually she would have had to find a job to pay the bills. Also an acquaintance was into the news and worked as a TV reporter, but pay and advancement opportunities were low and eventually he moved on into insurance to pay the bills. Another example is a woman who graduated with a graphic art degree but wasn't able to find work and eventually got a job at a hospital for a steady job and benefits. I even knew a beautician who has worked at a supermarket and hospital for pay and benefits, but has her own part-time hair business. Another person had an english degree and worked as a secretary for years till she went back and got her teacher certification, but had to move across country to actually get a teaching gig. Our economy is producing lots of low paying, part-time service jobs so to find a full time job with benefits can be difficult in itself.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do!

Specializes in Critical Care.

I also know another person who had an english degree and then went to a tech school for graphic arts who was able to get a graphic arts job. Whether that person was just luckier or perhaps more outgoing or charmed his bosses at the internship I don't know. I was just thinking of another old classmate who studied french and dreamed of teaching french and in the end I found out went back to school and became a physical therapist. So you just never know what will happen and if you get to actually use your BA/BS in many instances. Whereas nursing is more vocational and leads to an actual job unless there is a glut as there now is in many places. They can't outsource nursing like they can do with customer service, accounting, computers and info tech and even radiology, although they do bring foreign nurses in at times. Still I would think you have a greater chance of actually working in your field than many other degrees such as law for instance.

I guess I am the opposite of you. I've made the money vs. happiness decision before, and went with happiness. Then my idea of happiness changed as I got older. Now I want a house, the 401K and the car I don't have to put oil in just to get to the grocery store. I know nursing is not my dream job, but its going to beat the hell out of working fun low paying jobs now that my perspective has changed. I was a waitress/flute teacher.

Specializes in Cardiology, Cardiothoracic Surgical.

I personally would like to totally blow apart the "nursing is a calling" or "pursue your passion" tripe. If you are called to it, awesome, but the rest of us that see it as a means to support our families and have a respectable career shouldn't be judged for our decisions to get into nursing. I think this "angel of mercy" stereotype keeps us back as the medical professionals we are, hence the bullying and the outcry at any nurses pursuing further education.

Historically, I've never recalled anyone saying "physical therapy is my passion!"

That being said, I love my job and my coworkers are awesome, but the paycheck and time to pursue other interests are definitely bonuses. I ride bikes, play music and am building up a sewing business on the side.

To the OP, why not do both nursing and teach music? Find an area of nursing you like PRN, and use the rest of the time to teach and

play music?

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