>T'was the week before Christmas
> & all through the floor,
>The Lasix was filling the foley's galore.
>Stockings were worn, to prevent emboli,
>They came in two sizes: knee, and thigh-high.
>The patients were nestled half-assed in their beds,
>While visions of stool softeners danced in their heads.
>We in our scrubs
, and they in their gowns,
>Fashions created to hide extra pounds.
>When down in E.R. it became such a zoo,
>They called with admissions, for me and for you.
>They're coming, they're going, they're looking the same,
>My patience for patients is starting to wane.
>Another call light is ringing, the patient expounds,
>"I have not had my peri-care, please send someone down."
>About now delegation seems a good plan,
>We pass onto others, the needs of this man.
>When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
>But Santa himself, and 8 tiny reindeer.
>He states that he came from Central Supply,
>To bring us LR, NS, and D5.
>The doctor then scribbles what no one could read,
>Orders instruct us to measure their pee.
>As we try to decipher illegible words,
>We find a new order to guaiac their turds.
>The next shift arrives, our day is now through,
>Only to discover emesis inside of our shoe!
>We give them report and pass on the facts,
>And tell them of duoderm lining the cracks.
>And the Nurses exclaimed as they drove out of site,
>Let there be Ambien for all, and to all a good night!