Nursing Career & Relationships, Marriage

Nurses General Nursing

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Hi, I'm very new to the Forum and I've spent some time reading various threads on the subject I'm about to touch on. I've decided to post probably for my own reassurances, but also mainly to vent a little bit about a situation I am currently experiencing. I'm hoping some of the individuals here will be able to help me and let me know what I can reasonably expect in the future. I'm hoping for some of my fears and worries to be put to rest as well.

I am not studying to become a nurse; my girlfriend is. I'm studying to become a high school science teacher. I ultimately made this decision for the personal gratification that comes with teaching, but also because I wanted to have the time and the schedule to give the most to my future spouse and family. I believe teaching will allow this. I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and she intends to become a RN and work in a hospital here in New York. She's a very diligent student, and I was never really aware of the level of dedication required to do well in nursing school. That said, I've essentially been told that I will see very, very little of her for approximately the next three years (the time it will take her to finish the degree), at least. And possibly beyond. Needless to say, I'm incredibly concerned, a little hurt, and frankly a little frustrated.

That said, I would love to hear stories of members here with nursing careers who have been able to balance work and life; I would love to hear that you often see your spouses, spend good quality time together, perhaps even go out or on vacation here and there. Please let me know that it's possible to have a normal relationship, or married life with another individual and a career in nursing. I am sure that the two aren't mutually exclusive, but it currently feels that way a little bit now. Three years (or more) of a "Dear John" situation is a little tough to swallow right now even despite the fact that I love this woman quite a lot.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I really do appreciate any and all input from everyone who may choose to write a response. If you happen to include some unhappy information, that's okay too, I really do need to hear about all the possibilities I could resonably expect here.

And since I can't help but throw in a few emoticons:

I :redbeathe a :nurse:

Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

@Ashely, I agree that it is not all consuming. I was also Dean's List and graduated first in my class, but I sacrificed a lot of fun times to achieve that. It all works out in the end.

Try to be supportive and understanding. Voicing expectations is key.

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Keep communicating and connecting. You are both going to have a lot on your plate as you navigate your way through college. My hubby and I have been married for 18 years, and when I went to nursing school I had a two-year old, too. My husband says that he's glad I did it as we have a better income and are able to make a good life for our kiddos. But he agrees that the getting there was tough. :) It's not forever, and the degrees are worth it.

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Specializes in chemical dependency detox/psych.

Honestly, I was at the top of my class with a 7 yr old and a 16 yr old and my husband of 16 years when I was in school, and I had plenty of time for my family. Then again, due to my husband's job, I didn't need to work and to go school at the same time. The worst for me was my first year after graduating, when I had to work full-time nights. This meant every other weekend and I missed every holiday that year with my family except for Christmas. Now, I'm working casual-status, so I get to choose my schedule. Much, much better, and I feel like I have a life, now. If I want to work full-time one week, I will. Or, if I want to take a month off, I can do that, too. Love it.

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.

Isn't that the beauty of nursing? That you can set your own schedule? I was a traveler for a bit and that was AWESOME. Pulled an excellent income with a housing stipend. It is worth it, OP. The road to get there, however, is a rough one.

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Specializes in Med/Surg.
Seriously? I find it absurd that this is being asked. What would you prefer, that she choose a career she doesn't want so she has more time for you? You are "incredibly concerned", hurt and frustrated... because she is going to be studying hard while in college?

If I had a boyfriend who was being possessive of my time already while I was just starting school, I wouldn't have that boyfriend for very long.

WOW! Really? Could you be any nastier to him/her about it? :mad: I HOPE that you are NOT a nurse with that kind of attitude, I would feel really bad for your patients!

Anyway, as for my opinion.... yes it may be hard at times, but it is possible to get through it. As stated previously, help her study, get involved.... try not to make her "feel bad" for not spending time with you. Studying & taking exams may come easy to some but for others.... studying day in & day out may be necessary for others to "get it" and succeed.

Buying household items in bulk & freezing pre-made meals could save some time for you to spend with one another when available. There will be days when she comes home sooooo excited and wants to tell you all about her day and what she learned..... even if it does gross you out! LOL! Then again, there may be days that she comes home in tears because she studied as hard as she possibly could & still failed an exam...... either way, just try to be there to support her.

The years will go fast for her but for you, it may seem like foreverrrr.... don't worry, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and if you stick around to see it, you will be amazed! After watching how hard she worked to succeed, you will be so proud to see her graduate & pinned...... and she will be grateful to still have you there supporting her!

BTW- Many hospitals consider three 12 hour shifts to be full time! You may have more time to spend with her then than you do now.

Remember..... it takes a really caring & special person to be a nurse..... which I am sure for you would be the ideal canidate to spend the rest of your life with!

:) Best of luck to you both! :redbeathe

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Specializes in neuro/ortho med surge 4.

Nursing school is VERY time consuming. I seen very little of my friends and family. It is only temporary though. The first year as a new nurse will also be an adjustment period. Actually working as a nurse is 50 times better than nursing school.

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WOW! Really? Could you be any nastier to him/her about it? :mad: I HOPE that you are NOT a nurse with that kind of attitude, I would feel really bad for your patients!

Please tell me what kind of "attitude" a nurse is supposed to have?

Nurses are individuals with their own ideas and opinions based on their own life experiences.

Personally wouldn't want someone with such a narrow minded attitude caring for me or my loved ones. Heck, I wouldn't want to work with a nurse with such an attitude.

It should have been a warning to me when my then so was so hyper-focused on how much my being is school took away from him, but I missed it.

By the time I was half way done it has spread to the point that he threw little passive-aggressive tantrums if I spent 15 minutes reading to my children before bed because it was time I should be spending with him.

It didn't get any better after graduation and I happily showed him the door.

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Seriously? I find it absurd that this is being asked. What would you prefer, that she choose a career she doesn't want so she has more time for you? You are "incredibly concerned", hurt and frustrated... because she is going to be studying hard while in college?

If I had a boyfriend who was being possessive of my time already while I was just starting school, I wouldn't have that boyfriend for very long.

Cut him some slack please.

He is concerned enough that he sought out a forum to ask this question of ACTUAL nurses. That is some committment. If nothing else, give him that at least. It's no big wonder the divorce rate is up.

Always quick to seek an out.

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@Ashely, I agree that it is not all consuming. I was also Dean's List and graduated first in my class, but I sacrificed a lot of fun times to achieve that. It all works out in the end.

Try to be supportive and understanding. Voicing expectations is key.

How does one graduate first?

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Specializes in NICU Level III.

Not only do I work shift work as an RN, but so does my boyfriend. That being said, I work every weekend (by choice, it's a weekend program) and he does rotating shifts that are 8-16 hours 6-7 days in a row with only 1-2 days off in between. We spend a LOT of time together, mostly thanks to MY schedule, but there are some times we miss each other a few days in a row. I'll leave before he gets home and he'll get home and go back to work while I'm still at work. You shouldn't have that issue if you're a teacher though because you don't work 12s. It's very doable to have a normal relationship. (A weekend program may not be good for her if you work M-F though).

She may be busy a lot in nursing school but I was able to maintain a very active social life while I was in it. Just depends on how fast she picks up new material.

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.

I'm an LPN who is back in school working on my BSN. I also work 2-12 hr shifts/week. My husband is retired, so he was always wanting me to do things with him in the evening. We had discussed my schedule and need to rearrange things BEFORE I started school. He's beginning to understand now!:yeah: While I'm finding that school isn't nearly as stressful as it was when I did my LPN (single w/kids and learning lots of terms) it is still time consuming. There is LOTS of reading to do, papers to write, etc. It is doable. We take a short trips somewhere close to home between semesters and he has taken a few trips with guys he used to work with. We both just keep our "eye on the prize", knowing that NS is temporary. Good luck to both of you!

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Specializes in med-surg-tele-peds.
Hi, I'm very new to the Forum and I've spent some time reading various threads on the subject I'm about to touch on. I've decided to post probably for my own reassurances, but also mainly to vent a little bit about a situation I am currently experiencing. I'm hoping some of the individuals here will be able to help me and let me know what I can reasonably expect in the future. I'm hoping for some of my fears and worries to be put to rest as well.

I am not studying to become a nurse; my girlfriend is. I'm studying to become a high school science teacher. I ultimately made this decision for the personal gratification that comes with teaching, but also because I wanted to have the time and the schedule to give the most to my future spouse and family. I believe teaching will allow this. I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and she intends to become a RN and work in a hospital here in New York. She's a very diligent student, and I was never really aware of the level of dedication required to do well in nursing school. That said, I've essentially been told that I will see very, very little of her for approximately the next three years (the time it will take her to finish the degree), at least. And possibly beyond. Needless to say, I'm incredibly concerned, a little hurt, and frankly a little frustrated.

That said, I would love to hear stories of members here with nursing careers who have been able to balance work and life; I would love to hear that you often see your spouses, spend good quality time together, perhaps even go out or on vacation here and there. Please let me know that it's possible to have a normal relationship, or married life with another individual and a career in nursing. I am sure that the two aren't mutually exclusive, but it currently feels that way a little bit now. Three years (or more) of a "Dear John" situation is a little tough to swallow right now even despite the fact that I love this woman quite a lot.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I really do appreciate any and all input from everyone who may choose to write a response. If you happen to include some unhappy information, that's okay too, I really do need to hear about all the possibilities I could resonably expect here.

And since I can't help but throw in a few emoticons:

I :redbeathe a :nurse:

I can remeber when I was in nursing school and the first day of orientation. My instructor, which was an awesome instructor, told us that everything thing else in our lives will have to take the back seat, including our family and our jobs. She said we would never make it if we didnt put nursing first. She was right. I put many hours studying ,not just weekly studying but daily...you will have to study everyday day. Most of the students couldnt work if the had jobs because the program is just so hard. I did graduate and it was worth it!! If she can just make it through school, she will be ok. If she works in a hospital even though it is 12hr shifts,it is only 3 days aweek, or maybe 4 days everyother week.Personally I don't think I could go bask to working 5 days aweek again. Also even though she may have to work some holidays, the managers are usually pretty flexible, you should't have to work every holiday and also the holiday that you do have to work, she maybe adle to split a shift. Also I know alot of the nurses that arent married or have kids like to work the holidays because of the money(time in a half) I dont think she will regret it...just make it through nursing school :)

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