Nurses are Pathetic!! - page 10

I have been reading thread after thread on this forum and I have come to one conclusion. We are all a pathetic bunch. We take abuse that most other human beings would not put up with. We are... Read More

  1. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from subee
    You are right that, if we are consistently treated badly, then we should be looking at ourselves rather than appointing blame on "Them". However, how does one achieve perspective and wisdom while young? Assertiveness training and stress reduction should be incorporated into our undergraduate curriculi. We waste so much time reacting inappropriately to the stressors and jerks of nursing. Don't confuse the dysfunction of nursing with your own problems. Yes, it is stressful, but from someone who has been doing this 30 plus years, I can assure you that most people create their own problems by making some really stupid decisions. They marry a jerk, have too many children, spend too much money, don't get enough sleep - these behaviors cause more misery than the corporations who employ us.
    You make some good points - in looking back at myself, I can see that when I was young I had no training or education regarding assertiveness. I did not know how to deal effectively with confrontation. In fact one time I was in a situation at work with a superior who was male who was inappropriate with me and I froze - and didn't quit for a whole week.

    This issue of not standing up for yourself is something that happens in every field. Not just nursing.

    Maybe one of the things we should be looking at is teaching effective communication tools in high school. Start alot earlier than when you get your degree and start working in the real world.

    It took me a long time to be able to stand up for myself.

    steph
  2. by   GardenDove
    Quote from swatch007
    This post reminds me of what happened 3 months ago: I witnessed a dr. (who was known for bullying nurses on our floor) humiliated a new grad nurse for forgetting to enter info about the pt. on the computer. He scolded her as if he were a baseball coach. Even with three fellow nurses nearby the nurse, the dr just kept barking at her for almost five minutes. nobody said anything,and the nurse was on the verge of tears. Then the dr said something very insulting comment: "I can't believe they let you out of nursing school like that". So I had to say something to stop this carnage: "Excuse me dr., there is really no need for you to say that. Let me help to get whatever information you need on the pt. " Then he said sarcastically, "I was not talking to you. You want to defend her? what are you? her boyfriend?! Go back and do your job!"

    Background info: The dr. is a very moody person. He enjoys the attention he is getting (like Simmon in the American Idol) because nurses have been trying to be friendly with him for the fear of becoming a victim of his tantrum. He has yelled at many nurses before,and can magnify little thing to have something to use for his attacks on nurses. However the nurses' complains were downplayed by the management because the dr is "very in demand", so the nurses are just sucking it up. Some people said that the dr. must have been using steroid because of his massive muscle (he is 6' 2" about 230-250 lbs. muscular built). He likes baseball and body building.

    Me: just less than a year on this job. quiet type and don't usually hang around with colleagues.

    back to the story, that night I waited in the hospital garage to confront the dr.When he came, he was combative then pushing my face while cursing me. I hold on to his wrists and delivered my extended knee on his solar plexus. It was a clean Muay Thai style shot, one of my favorites long time ago. I heard a familiar sound: groaning. He was stunned and in pain, but he managed to swing his big hands several times, missing my face few inches away. He obviously knew how to box but too slow shots for me. I did not hit him again.I just wanted to make a statement with my knee. Suprisingly, he laughed hard and long after he got exhausted from hitting my shadow and said "you got me man! we should go out sometimes and watch boxing match together".

    I don't advice fellow nurses to deal with rude dr. the way I dealt with mine. But believe it or not, the doc and I are getting along very well since that encounter, and he didn't mention this to anybody. I guess he is trully sports fanatic that is why he felt relief after he physically expressed his stress. People deal with stress differently.

    "Different folks different strokes"; haven't you heard that before?

    Awesome job, man!!!!! Really superb!!!!
  3. by   SmilingBluEyes
    We definately should not deal with physical abuse that way. I would take it through legal channels, period. Dr Rude would not be hitting me, nor anyone else, if I had my way, again.
  4. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Quote from stevielynn
    You make some good points - in looking back at myself, I can see that when I was young I had no training or education regarding assertiveness. I did not know how to deal effectively with confrontation. In fact one time I was in a situation at work with a superior who was male who was inappropriate with me and I froze - and didn't quit for a whole week.

    This issue of not standing up for yourself is something that happens in every field. Not just nursing.

    Maybe one of the things we should be looking at is teaching effective communication tools in high school. Start alot earlier than when you get your degree and start working in the real world.

    It took me a long time to be able to stand up for myself.

    steph
    Well said Steph. It begins at home and in school while we are kids. Self-esteem and assertion are critical to life success, whether as nurses, parents, or any other role we take on. Learned young, it would serve anyone well.
  5. by   ccld
    Speaking as someone who used to work at Walmart, spent 6 years in the United States Marine Corps, 15 years as an accounting controller and now I'm in my second year of nursing school...I don't believe there is a job out there where people are not abused, disrespected, trampled on, kicked around and stabbed in the back at one time or another. There will always be those times when we feel like the entire world is against us, but that's not a job...that's life. And if you notice, the more you work at it - the better it gets. I don't consider those nurses that keep working at it to be "pathetic" - I consider them to be fighters and survivors. They are my role models, mentors and people that I have the greatest respect for. What would any of us be if we quit, rolled over and died every time life got tough? I think that a few weeks of vacaton and some serious thinking about your career options may be a better option than wasting away your education and hard-won nursing skills at Walmart.
    Last edit by ccld on Mar 14, '07
  6. by   Gromit
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    We definately should not deal with physical abuse that way. I would take it through legal channels, period. Dr Rude would not be hitting me, nor anyone else, if I had my way, again.
    Christ I'd actually feel sorry for someone stupid enough to hit me. There is no room for violence of ANY kind in the work place. Lets be adults. That kind of crap should have been left back in gradeschool.
  7. by   GardenDove
    Quote from Gromit
    Christ I'd actually feel sorry for someone stupid enough to hit me. There is no room for violence of ANY kind in the work place. Lets be adults. That kind of crap should have been left back in gradeschool.
    It's also illegal.
  8. by   ayla2004
    The common thread across many areas of nursing and even countries is that terms and condtions orf work can be bad to appaling to be in. Some like the UK have unions however even here its bad most are public sector workers so pay etc is dependent on the econmy
    time and again studeis show adequate RN stbouncing staffing along with care aides improved patient quality of care and health outcomes.
    however do u leave bad conditons or do u try to fight.
    but its management in gerenal who make out working lives better or worse.

    A friend of mine defends the fact the police officer and fire figthers who are also public servants are paid more as they risk their lives
  9. by   BBFRN
    Quote from subee
    You are right that, if we are consistently treated badly, then we should be looking at ourselves rather than appointing blame on "Them". However, how does one achieve perspective and wisdom while young? Assertiveness training and stress reduction should be incorporated into our undergraduate curriculi.
    I totally agree- but would like to add that we as the older, more experienced nurses need to set an example as well. How would we feel if we were the new nurse who was yelled at in the first post? Imagine starting your new job, getting yelled at by a doc like that, and seeing the old-timers just standing around doing nothing. If it were me, I would not only feel let down by the doc, but even more by my coworkers. And we wonder why our new nurses are leaving the field so quickly nowadays.

    It's our responsibility to back them up and let them know this is not OK, nor is it expected of them to take this kind of treatment. It's our responsibility to guide them in how to handle these situations.
  10. by   Gromit
    Quote from ayla2004
    The common thread across many areas of nursing and even countries is that terms and condtions orf work can be bad to appaling to be in. Some like the UK have unions however even here its bad most are public sector workers so pay etc is dependent on the econmy
    time and again studeis show adequate RN stbouncing staffing along with care aides improved patient quality of care and health outcomes.
    however do u leave bad conditons or do u try to fight.
    but its management in gerenal who make out working lives better or worse.

    A friend of mine defends the fact the police officer and fire figthers who are also public servants are paid more as they risk their lives
    But still, they are calculated risks, and neither of them has (or is likely to) the level of education you had to go through. Considder this, however: By virtue of what you willingly expose yourself to I'm talking bacterial and viral (exposures that you subject yourself to in the workplace) as well as at times irrational and unruly patients and family, and you could make the case that as nurses WE are in a potentially very hazardous workplace as well.
    I'm not meaning to belittle the jobs of police and firefighters, but oftentimes our own 'risks' seem to be easily passed over by those who have little or no clue about what we really do.
    Last edit by Gromit on Mar 14, '07
  11. by   subee
    Quote from Baptized_By_Fire
    I totally agree- but would like to add that we as the older, more experienced nurses need to set an example as well. How would we feel if we were the new nurse who was yelled at in the first post? Imagine starting your new job, getting yelled at by a doc like that, and seeing the old-timers just standing around doing nothing. If it were me, I would not only feel let down by the doc, but even more by my coworkers. And we wonder why our new nurses are leaving the field so quickly nowadays.

    It's our responsibility to back them up and let them know this is not OK, nor is it expected of them to take this kind of treatment. It's our responsibility to guide them in how to handle these situations.

    Over the years, my idols were the nurses who could come up with the quick quips and make the jerk dujour appear foolish and defuse the situation at the same time. They were always post-menopausal, grouchy women not to be messed with but excellent leaders. Hmmmmm. Maybe if we moved menopause forward to around 30, we'd have a work-force of Slightly Grouchy Women Not To Be Messed With! The young - they're so fragile.
  12. by   miss_anneRN
    lorster i agree with you,
    i have tried to help problem solve issues (staffing, wound care, fall risk, co-worker behavior) on group commities. i have not seen chages despite our unit's efforts. the policies are created by upper management that has no clue what it is really like. i have much more i'd love to discuss but it's my night off and i'm going to enjoy my family right now. i look forward to continueing this conversation.
    g'night
  13. by   moonrose2u
    I think, after reading your post, that you inadvertently used the word "pathetic" when perhaps you meant (as a generalization) that many in our profession, not all of course, do try to give 150% of ourselves to our profession and our patients, thereby creating an element of victimization of ourselves.

    For the very reason that we want to help people and assist individuals in achieving optimal health, many (not all) of us can give too much of ourselves by denying our personal needs and allowing burn out or conflict in our personal lives; when this occurs, of course we can become tired, angry, stressed, and feel a sense of incompleteness and inadequacy in that which we set out long ago on our first day of nursing school.

    Although I disagree with the choice of words you used, I understand your meaning. I do not believe that your statement 'nurses are pathetic' should be taken literally; I believe that you used it figuratively, and in those terms, I concur.

    We try so very hard to help that we can overlook our own personal needs.

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