Nurse needs assistance. Teenager Out of Control!!! - page 3

I am asking for help and advice regarding my 17 year old son. I work registry and deal with kids quite often in crisis, but failed to notice the one living under my roof. He is now 17 and last week... Read More

  1. by   SmilingBluEyes
    sorry wrong thread.

    HANG IN THERE...I do feel for you. I am not there "yet", but it's coming---hopefully my kids make it to 25 intact (and I make it to 50 intact too).
  2. by   nursehippiechik
    I am soo sorry to hear of your situation. Prayer works miracles. But I do have to say this. I myself was a troubled teenager. I fooled everyone for a very long time. After I was found out, I just didn't care anymore. I went to jail many times. I was also sent to a childrens home for 4 months. The last time I went to jail it was for 3 months. I ended up with a felony record. I am now drug free, with a wonderful husband, and on my way to a great career in nursing. I hope and pray that everything works out for you. But, this takes time for a lot of people, and nothing will work until he is ready to become clean, or until he hits bottom. You must be caring and patient with him. I do not recommend letting him stay with his father. I think that would only escalate his problem. My problem got worse when I stayed with my father and stepmother. She was a terrible drug addict. She would let me skip school and smoke pot with her and things like that if I would clean house. I just know that an environment like that is no good for a person with a drug problem or even a teenager with regualr teenager problems. You need some legal advice as to how to keep him from there, but when you do do not give up even if he decides to hate you. Again, I will pray for you and your son. Good blessings on yours and his journey to well being. :kiss
  3. by   LPNer
    Quote from Haunted
    I am asking for help and advice regarding my 17 year old son. I work registry and deal with kids quite often in crisis, but failed to notice the one living under my roof. He is now 17 and last week end, while my husband, loving and supportive man that he is, and I were gone for the week end, leaving my son with his trusted uncle's, he stole my BMW and , while drunk, high on drugs and seeking cocaine, ran into a pole somewhere. Fortunately no one was harmed, however I am worried to distraction over this repeat behavior.

    A little history.. I divorced a very abusive father when my son was 13. We all went thru professional family couselling and my son and I lived alone for a few years, me working day shift registry with trusted neighbors waking my son and taking him to school. In between I endured horrific continued physical and verbal abuse by my ex husband, including an attempted rape while my son was in his room, ex being in a drunken rage.

    Despite the fact that my ex continues to call me horrific names, tell my son that I am a liar and want to have him "put away" I always felt we had a good relationship, having since remarried a wonderful, fair and supportive man who has been very good to both of us. "J" recently began behaving very reclusively, keeping to his room, declining grades despite hiring a tutor and our concern was voiced, this kid was very good at telling us all what he thought we wanted to hear.

    My son returned with my damaged car on Saturday, had his father pick him up and take him to his apartment and refuses to let me speak with him on the phone, telling me, " This is all your fault for divorcing me and you are getting payback for marrying that home wrecker and this kid is going to know just what a piece of &hit you are!!!". He denies there is a drug problem, even tho my son confessed to using pot, coke, meth and drinking, feels like he can handle this with "a good swift kick in his ***!"

    I picked my child up from school yesterday and took him to a drug treatment facility so he could be evaluated, he tested positive for several drugs, admitted he was out of control and needed help. They feel intensive out patient psychotherapy would be best for him, he also was felt to have suffered from some type of sexual abuse although reluctant to describe. My son has informed me that he wishes to live with his father and his grlfriend for now but is willing to continue with therapy. My problem, my friends, is this...

    How can I continue to stay strong, fight for my child, provide for him the help he needs when every step forward is followed by a phone call from his Dad berating me for taking him out of school for treatment and evaluation? How do I help my son overcome this man's constant diatribe of unthruths that he seems to be subjected to on a daily basis? I have tossed the kids room and found horrific hate notes directed towards me, my husband, that seem to parrot the verbal vomit that comes from his father. The dads girlfriend is helpful to a point but say's she is on the verge of leaving due to the verbal abuse and drinking. I have an MD appointment for my son tomorrow, and an appointment with his psychologist starting on Tuesday. We tossed the room and found several knives, razor blades, an air gun and some very hatefull letters. I am afraid of my own kid, and need some advice. I know this is off topic but I think the worst feeling I have, not including the anguish and heartache, is, I am a nurse and did not see the signs of a child in trouble.

    Thank you for listening and for always being there for me...
    I've been there and reading your post has brought tears to my eyes. Remembering the hell.
    In the end you will find that your hands were tied the day you married your X. And no amount of trying to correct or undo can ever erase it.
    IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
    Continue to help your son as much as you can and always be there for him, but never trust him with your back turned! He is as dangerous to you as your X is.
    Please take care of yourself. You can not change the past. You will get thruogh it and there is a 50:50 chance your son will straighten up. I had 3 sons involved in my situation. My oldest will soon be paroled, my second has never done more than a 6 month sentence could handle and my 3rd, thank God was just a bit too young when the "SH$^" hit the fan with my oldest and turned out great!
    Hang in there, it will get better!
  4. by   Haunted
    Still spinning this out! Last Friday "J" went AWOL, failing to come home after school, missing an appointment with his therapist which my husband kept so I could man the phones and search the neighborhood for my son. On a hunch, Hubby drove by a popular fast food location and spotted "J" staggering around! He picked him up, brought him home and we drug tested him with a kit purchased at the pharmacy. One look at his blood shot eyes and reeking breath was more than enough proof positive that he admitted to pot and booze. He claims he has been "panhandling" for spare change at the gas station to buy his "goodies" and really wants help but I still want him to stay here at home. Guess what I found!!!!!!

    I have a huge, burly security person who used to work as an officer in Juvinal Hall, now specializes in Teen Challenge and NarcAnon. This fellow, whom we refer to as "Uncle Johnny" will be tailing, following, attached to my son 5 days a week from 3 PM till 7PM Monday thru Friday, keeping him busy with basketball, movies, BMX'ing and basically monitoring every movement this young man makes until my husband or I come home. We will have him for 2 weeks in an effort to keep my son clean and sober and make sure he attends all of his sessions with his Psychologist without disappearing again.

    It's expensive, and to some a bit extreme but "J' understands Uncle Johnny's job duties, he will be descreet picking him up from school, and the only requirment the Principle asked was that Uncle Johnny leave his gun somewhere else when he is on campus! Yes, this officer is a full blown gun toting personal security officer. He will be in plain clothes during his interaction with my son and basically be a member of our family during this time.

    So, back to work for me, with the peace of mind in knowing that someone is protecting my son from bad decisions and dangerous behavior. Thanks guys for your love and support. My son has not had any contact from his Dad in over a week and that also has been evident in my son being more positive towards us, helpfull in the home and seems more relaxed (when he isn't high).
  5. by   mattsmom81
    Haunted, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures, and I pray this plan works. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I know how hard it is for a mother to watch her child suffer...we want to just 'make it all better' and we cannot. ((HUGS)))
  6. by   Haunted
    Thanks! So far "Uncle John" has been a true blessing and my son has achieved clarity, remained focused on school and has a Big Brother/Buddy who he feels safe with. I am very lucky that I am able to provide these resources for him. Tomorrow, I go back to work, back to my other life. It is amazing how an 8 hour shift helping complete strangers can totally uplift you and replenish you. This saga is not over yet, our goal is to maintain this kiddo as clean and sober for as long as possible to help him with cleat thought perspective in dealing with his issues. I thank you all for your kind thoughts and comments. Please stay with me.
  7. by   kathynursing
    Quote from Haunted
    I am asking for help and advice regarding my 17 year old son. I work registry and deal with kids quite often in crisis, but failed to notice the one living under my roof. He is now 17 and last week end, while my husband, loving and supportive man that he is, and I were gone for the week end, leaving my son with his trusted uncle's, he stole my BMW and , while drunk, high on drugs and seeking cocaine, ran into a pole somewhere. Fortunately no one was harmed, however I am worried to distraction over this repeat behavior.

    A little history.. I divorced a very abusive father when my son was 13. We all went thru professional family couselling and my son and I lived alone for a few years, me working day shift registry with trusted neighbors waking my son and taking him to school. In between I endured horrific continued physical and verbal abuse by my ex husband, including an attempted rape while my son was in his room, ex being in a drunken rage.

    Despite the fact that my ex continues to call me horrific names, tell my son that I am a liar and want to have him "put away" I always felt we had a good relationship, having since remarried a wonderful, fair and supportive man who has been very good to both of us. "J" recently began behaving very reclusively, keeping to his room, declining grades despite hiring a tutor and our concern was voiced, this kid was very good at telling us all what he thought we wanted to hear.

    My son returned with my damaged car on Saturday, had his father pick him up and take him to his apartment and refuses to let me speak with him on the phone, telling me, " This is all your fault for divorcing me and you are getting payback for marrying that home wrecker and this kid is going to know just what a piece of &hit you are!!!". He denies there is a drug problem, even tho my son confessed to using pot, coke, meth and drinking, feels like he can handle this with "a good swift kick in his ***!"

    I picked my child up from school yesterday and took him to a drug treatment facility so he could be evaluated, he tested positive for several drugs, admitted he was out of control and needed help. They feel intensive out patient psychotherapy would be best for him, he also was felt to have suffered from some type of sexual abuse although reluctant to describe. My son has informed me that he wishes to live with his father and his grlfriend for now but is willing to continue with therapy. My problem, my friends, is this...

    How can I continue to stay strong, fight for my child, provide for him the help he needs when every step forward is followed by a phone call from his Dad berating me for taking him out of school for treatment and evaluation? How do I help my son overcome this man's constant diatribe of unthruths that he seems to be subjected to on a daily basis? I have tossed the kids room and found horrific hate notes directed towards me, my husband, that seem to parrot the verbal vomit that comes from his father. The dads girlfriend is helpful to a point but say's she is on the verge of leaving due to the verbal abuse and drinking. I have an MD appointment for my son tomorrow, and an appointment with his psychologist starting on Tuesday. We tossed the room and found several knives, razor blades, an air gun and some very hatefull letters. I am afraid of my own kid, and need some advice. I know this is off topic but I think the worst feeling I have, not including the anguish and heartache, is, I am a nurse and did not see the signs of a child in trouble.

    Thank you for listening and for always being there for me...
    :uhoh21: have you ever tried or thought about counseling for him?
    or possibly boot camp! wher ilive insome states i hve 15 yrold who thought she could do what she wanted and run over me and wasviolent toward her sister whoes 12yrs old i had drill sargent come to my house scare h### out of her also went to her school came over every day made her scrub my toilet with her tooth brush mop, do the dishes and then took her out side in cold weather do exercise run around block and she was very embarrsed in front of her friends and our neighbors its called tuff love !!! now shes in honors clases
    and does her chores without being told the srgent to her to youth facility basicly
    like for adults who where in jail only they were kids but scared h### out of her and she realized what she had at home i hope this helps good luck your in my prayers
  8. by   Haunted
    So far so good. ! more week with Uncle Johnny and "J' seems much calmer, is participating with the family, sleeping better, less agitated and focusing better at school. Boot camp/miltary school is truly our last resort but, so far so good. Thanks so much for your prayers and great advice.

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